Crossdressers-Haven.com

In another section, a forum member, obviously from, and experienced in ways of life so remote from mine, posted something about their life, that has really caused me to sit back and reflect on myself, and my life overall
- as a Human Being, *and* as a CD

I would like to learn from others who have come here because of their own orientation or involvement in CDing ...

Anticipating Amelie's permission, I will insert the part of her post which really captured my attention, and ask any of you, and especially you Amelie, to help advance my understanding and search for knowledge about Human Beings and CDing by sharing something of your life history, circumstances and surroundings until the
"Now Moment" and the point that "Here We Meet" ...

Amelie-Laveau wrote: ...
**
"Most of the Cds on these forums are sort of on the white, suburban, a bit conservative side of life. I am not.

I lived most of my early life in Hell’s Kitchen, right next to seedy Times Square.

I have lived a life where sex is a main part of being a CD.
I would like to have had the chance to talk to others like myself, who lived their lives the same as me,

but it is very hard to talk about the seediness of having sex in a peep-show when the forum members and moderators look down at talk about sex.

It is also difficult to talk about having sex with a man in a movie theater without it sounding X-rated, there is no way to make this sound clean.

Especially on these CD forums, where even the mention of the word gay can bring disgust to some Cds.

OK, there might not be many Cds like myself out there, but if this subject(sex) can’t be talked about or is hidden from lurkers view, then the ones that are out there will just by pass this forum.

And I feel that sex and S&M are major parts of my CD life and probably are to other Cds."
**

So, How's Life ?


/ Marda

I'll try, but I'm kinda scared right now.


Love Amelie

Hi Amelie,

Older members and founders of the fourms please correct me if I have mistated something here.

From what I understanding the folks who started these forums wanted to keep this from becoming a sex market porn show type forum which can be the demise of a place like this. One of the reasons for this was to make it safe for people to share who they really are. It is a heterosexually oreinted forum since so many of us are heterosexual and dealing with societal perceptions that all CDs are gay but I personally don't think this means we want to exclude gays. We are what we are.

In my experience it is possible to talk about these things a great deal without getting pornographic or titilating others very much. It happens all the time in my NA group.

The key I think is that we talk about our feelings, our motivations, our confusions and thought processes. Someone might talk about how they thought prostitution was about getting money but then realized that there were reasons why this seemed like such a perfect way to get money, what the other price tags for something for nothing were or etc. There have been people who needed to share their confusion about maybe this wasn't all that bad after all or how there was something about it that was very hard to let go of.

It's probably not a great place to go into graphic confessions about some things. But it doesn't sound like like that is what you are after except perhaps to know that whatever it was your experience is we are not going to reject you. But I am sure you can find words to describe your yourself that will not get any one saying I must find away to hook up with this person now to exploit their (whatever) or to avoid this starting to seem like a dating service which it most assuredly is not supposed to be.

So talk to us.

Andrea

Hi all,

I agree completely with Andrea. Nobody here is afraid of talking about sex. Sex is one the main drives that propel human beings (the others being--at least, according to psychoanalysts--love and death).

The real question is: how are we talk about it? Can we do so in such a way that doesn't make this site look like every other porn page out there? Personally, I think so. Like Andrea said so well, it's a matter of focusing on motivations and feelings rather than on graphic depictions of sex itself. The reason talk of sex is sometimes (okay, often) perceived as a thorny issue is that bridges the gap between our private and public lives. The details of whatever physical intimacy we have with someone else--be it a stranger or a mate we've been partnered to for the last 35 years--is usually not a matter of public record.

But there are sexual issues that subtend crossdressing (both straight and gay); it helps nobody to pretend that there aren't. If you're going to have sex with someone else, your gender identity matters as much as does your sexual orientation. It will be a factor. Your gender identity matters even if you only ever have sex with yourself. It even matters if you never engage in any kind of sexual behaviour at all (a rara avis, I think).

Many crossdressers experience difficulties with their sexuality (and if I myself were an exception, I wouldn't still be single after all this time). Often, those difficulties are tied in with body image discomfort, low sex drives, intrusive transgender sexual fantasies, transgender shame, transgender guilt, and plain old fear of intimacy (especially when our own intimate world is considered abnormal by the world at large). Again, sweeping these issues under the rug helps no one. We should talk about them.

Andrea is right; this forum is mainly geared towards the "married, heterosexual" end of the CD spectrum. That doesn't mean there aren't other ways of being a crossdresser, though. I'm a good example: single and sexually inactive. Amélie is another. Which brings me to something I've been wanting to say for a long, long time here. Amélie is one of the sweetest, gentlest souls I've met on this forum. She's funny and warm and bright (even though she'd deny this last one). And I've seen how she's struggled here to have her own transgender feelings validated and recognized--something that's made that much harder for her because she has a sexual orientation not discussed on this forum and because her own experience has taken her into the orbit of alternative sexualities more than has that of most members here. But I ask you all this: is she any less a crossdresser than you? or you over there? or even you? Amélie says she's scared to open up here and I think her fears are justified. When she last tried to open up here, the undercurrent of homophobia made itself felt more plainly. She was driven underground. I was horrified by the hypocrisy of it all. Here were people who sought understanding, compassion, and tolerance from others--forebearance for their sexual difference--but were unwilling to give same to someone who wasn't part of the "married, heterosexual" clique. It actually freaked me out.

Now, someone's asked Amélie to open up again. I want her to feel she can tell us what it's been like for her to be gender-variant. But will she?

Amélie,

Only if you're comfortable. There are great hearts here who aren't afraid to learn what being a crossdresser can feel like from someone "on the other side of the fence." I, for one, want to know who you are and how you came to be that wonderful person. If you'd prefer to wait until the admins have more clearly figured out how to work the "sex thang" (and they're working on it), well, that's okay, too. There might just soon be an area of the forum where such topics will be discussed. We'll have to wait a little longer and see.

Love,
CJ

Hi Amelie, & Hi Andrea,

First , Thank You Amelie for signing on and expressing a really powerful feeling that obviously has a great depth and magnitude for you;
and Thank You for the bravery you have shown by allowing me to create this thread, and by responding as you have
- I understand that you may be uneasy or troubled by reflecting on yourself, and by then attempting to gather your thoughts and express yourself on some very intense and personal matters

- please feel no pressure to respond, or to respond according to any particular timetable

- and please reach out either publicly or privately for any support or contact you feel you need or would like

I am humbled by your original post, and by this response
Love / Marda

~

Thank You Andrea for your views and your support here at this time.

I recall a group session a few years ago in which it took some participants literally weeks to peel away enough outer shell and memories to even reach for a box of tissue and begin to cry.
/M
~

Love To All,
particularly on the 25th Anniversary of John Lennons death
/ Marda

Hi Amelie,( Ladies,)

As a human being, once again, I'm humbled by your story and your posts ...

I really recommend you keep in touch with Sharon by PM about how to proceed, and if you decide to drop the issue here, I understand ...

Which of course, causes me to ask Sharon's guidance on how to proceed with this discussion thread in general, on the basis of education and support, if at all ???
~
Love / Marda

Given a sampling of recent news items, and some posts on the matters of sexual diversity / tagging - gender identity ...
- I really wonder in the "greater scheme of things", if any of what we like to talk about here at this forum has any meaning at all ???
- or are we just blowing bubbles at each other from under the bonnets of our hair dryers ???

LeslieP wrote: ... I try to view a thing as part of larger systems including viewing things in an historical context. This often allows me to understand things that, when viewed alone, don’t make sense or worse yet yield false conclusions ...
...
Our view is so far removed from the view held through most of human history that we often see things out of context due to our unique and privileged vantage point.
...
I don’t know that "sexual diversity" contributes that much to society. We all view the world in first person. Sexual diversity might add to quality of life of individuals, but can anyone suggest any way that it serves society in general? I doubt if it does that much for society as a whole ...

CJ wrote: (Dorais) ... main point was that, as there are (according to him) three principal ways in which people are "sexually tagged" (anatomy/genderedness/orientation), there is more than just one way of being a man or a woman, as is often supposed under a binary logic. In fact, there are eight distinct patterns, which people more or less adhere to (and so this makes it a minimum of eight):

1. A masculine heterosexual male
2. A masculine homosexual male
3. A feminine heterosexual male
4. A feminine homosexual male
5. A feminine heterosexual female
6. A feminine homosexual female
7. A masculine heterosexual female
8. A masculine homosexual female

Andrea wrote:I think Leslie's point is a very good one that until recently most of societies concern was in having enough to eat and not being killed by the neighbors.

=================

BBCNews/Last Updated: Monday, 19 December 2005
By Matthew Davis BBC News, Washington

"US slowly wakes up to obesity crisis

The United States may be the land of the free, but it is also the land of the fat.
...
more than 119 million adults - or 64.5% of the adult population - are either overweight or obese ...

... head of the Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity at Yale ... says the problem is the "huge amount of money to be made from a fatter population ...""
=================

BBCNews/Last Updated: Wednesday, 21 December 2005

"Christmas after Katrina:

The BBC News website spoke to current and former New Orleans residents

Cathe Antunez ... lost everything when the levee at the 17th Street Canal was breached ...

"... There was mould everywhere, crawling up the walls, all over my clothes, on the bed, on the furniture.
...
I couldn't salvage anything and I spent a month crying because some things can't be replaced.

The mould also caused me such breathing problems that I developed severe asthma again, after getting rid of it years ago.
...
I left New Orleans only with only a couple of days' worth of clothes, my cat and my bible ..."
**

Linda Gueringer evacuated to Austin, Texas ...
"... The only areas being rebuilt as far as I can see are the money-making tourist areas. But neighbourhoods like mine are being ignored.
...
There is nothing left - no people, no cats, no dogs, no birds, nothing.
...
The flavour of New Orleans - its people - is gone. It won't return any time soon ..."
**

William De Ben evacuated to Little Rock, Arkansas, before moving onto Baton Rouge and eventually returning to New Orleans in October.

"I was one of the first people back in the city that I knew. I came back to help re-open one of the first cafes to begin trading since the city was devastated.
...
But I am not staying here for long.

The carefree atmosphere of the city is gone and it will never be there again. There is still a curfew in place and there is still National Guard on the streets.
...
I have ridden my bike around some of the worst-hit neighbourhoods. They are like one big graveyard.
...
I will spend what may be my last Christmas for some time in New Orleans with my family, before moving north to Chicago ..."
=================

BBCNews/Last Updated: Friday, 23 December 2005

"Bush suffers Patriot Act defeat
...
'Under threat'
...
The president said he would sign the one-month extension into law.

"It appears to me that the Congress understands we got to keep the Patriot Act in place, that we're still under threat, there's still an enemy that wants to harm us," he said ...""
=================

Really !!! How's Life ???

/Marda

Currently we are still alive but the day is not over.....maybe the meteor is about to hit

Andrea

I'm personally interested in hearing anything Amelie has to share with us. I've always found her posts to be sensitive and caring (and I think her avatar photo is fabulous, too!) I want to encourage Amelie to post, but only when and what she feels secure enough to share with us.

For what it's worth, Zippy is quite a mix of desires and motivations which keeps my dear spouse completely befuddled (and sometimes frustrated) more often than not. I've always been extremely open-minded about sex. I've tried many different things and liked some while disliking others. I believe what other people do, like, or dislike in their world of sexual activity is their individual preference. I also think our common interest in crossdressing should enable us to listen to other crossdressers discuss things we may not personally appreciate.

So, here's the quick summary on Zippy:
Sex: Male (born this way)
Gender: Female (feel this way and prefer to express it)
Sexual Preference: Female (prefer and desire women)
Role: Submissive / Bottom
Kinks/Fetishes/Diversions: Yes, a few

Now, I'm really trying to keep this PG-rated here...
I enjoy catching just as much as pitching.

Mods: I don't mind if you need to edit or move this post.

HowzLife?
Thats a difficult one to answer.

I'm not as eloquent as some forum members here,so I will keep this short and to the point.

Amelie, you dont have to be scared,from me at any rate!
I am currently seeing a Psychotherapist he is trying to help me come to terms with my life. Ha! He has been trying for three months, I have been trying for 54 years.

My orientation, swings both ways. I am married, have three children aged 32 31 and 23. I am not sexually active, but only have experience of heterosexual sex. My mind is screwed up with all this gender issues. I find myself having feelings I don't understand... I cannot imagine having same gender sex, yet I have experienced strong sexual attraction to some males.

I dont need to dress to feel like I do, in fact I have almost given up dressing. No matter what I wear or how I look, inside my head, I am the same person.

I care a lot about other people, especially those younger than me facing problems with their CD lifestyle. If I can help,I will.

My biggest worry right now is my daughter Janice, in a few hours she will fly to Iraq with the Royal Air Force, to work there as a Paramedic. Doing casualty care and evacuation for the British Armed Forces. If there is a God I pray that she will be kept safe and return home soon.

Thank you

Kerri
PS: Dontallow prejudice ofany sort drive anyone from this forum or make them fear any retribution.