The need for negotiation
Posted: Thu Sep 21, 2006 2:35 am
[b]Negotiation
Hi ya all,
The need for negotiation in any relationship is extremely important.
Once you have come out of the darkness about your crossdressing,it is very easy to get carried away so to speak.
If your partner is accepting or slightly accepting, for the relationship to continue and blossom,you need to have rules and boundaries.
This is so important that you both talk about these issues,listening to each other finding out together as much as you can on relationships with crossdressing involvment.
In my first marriage,I was so happy that my femme had come out about his dressing ,that I forgot about my needs.I wanted him to feel free,happy and supported.
Danielle began to dress every night,however Danielle expected me to be intimate with him also every night.
Then the there was the issue of Danielle going out for late night walks.
Then the issue of Danielle smoking when in boy mode she sis'nt.
For sometime we carried on this way,because as I said I wanted my husband to be happy.
This day came crashing down when Danielle asked if she could dress me like she would have me dress.Well I looked like the hooker from hell.
I at that time was heavily involved in waterpolo,aerobics,jogging etc,so I liked the sporty look.Well that day I lost it screaming he was selfish and self centred.What was his reply,"Penni you never said anything""I thought you were happy"
So too keep things together we did sit down and we did set out boundaries.
I told him that I was'nt happy being intimate every night whilst he was dressed,I told him I was scared for him when he went walking out at night.
As you can imagine the list was lengthy.
When your first out about your dressing,provide as much info as you can to your spouse,give her space to absorb it all,she will go through many emotions anger,resentment,embarrassment and fear.Most of all negotiate on the frequency of your dressing,remeber she may not like you to dress every day.
You will need to ask her if she minds being with you when you dress.
Your partner may be o.k with you going out dressed,however she may want you to leave and enter the house from the back.
BUDGET the big one,make sure you sit down and decide how much you can spend on items etc,remember there is often a family that have needs,honesty about spendage is an important negotiation.
All the above will tie in with your spouses emotions.
The fear-Because you are now out in the open and dressing,she may fear that your going to have a sex change,she will fear if you have children and your dressing at night that the children may find out accidentially.
She may fear that your work mates will find out and you could lose your job.
Anger_ the biggy why was'nt I told before we got married
Why do I have to worry when you go out
Why do you have to dress in a dress anyway
Resentment- Why are you spending so much on clothes
What about me.
Embarrassment- What if someone see's you leaving the house
What about the relatives
So from all the above you can see why negotiation is very important.
So my friends how do you negotiate with your spouses?
HUgs Penni
[/b]
Hi ya all,
The need for negotiation in any relationship is extremely important.
Once you have come out of the darkness about your crossdressing,it is very easy to get carried away so to speak.
If your partner is accepting or slightly accepting, for the relationship to continue and blossom,you need to have rules and boundaries.
This is so important that you both talk about these issues,listening to each other finding out together as much as you can on relationships with crossdressing involvment.
In my first marriage,I was so happy that my femme had come out about his dressing ,that I forgot about my needs.I wanted him to feel free,happy and supported.
Danielle began to dress every night,however Danielle expected me to be intimate with him also every night.
Then the there was the issue of Danielle going out for late night walks.
Then the issue of Danielle smoking when in boy mode she sis'nt.
For sometime we carried on this way,because as I said I wanted my husband to be happy.
This day came crashing down when Danielle asked if she could dress me like she would have me dress.Well I looked like the hooker from hell.
I at that time was heavily involved in waterpolo,aerobics,jogging etc,so I liked the sporty look.Well that day I lost it screaming he was selfish and self centred.What was his reply,"Penni you never said anything""I thought you were happy"
So too keep things together we did sit down and we did set out boundaries.
I told him that I was'nt happy being intimate every night whilst he was dressed,I told him I was scared for him when he went walking out at night.
As you can imagine the list was lengthy.
When your first out about your dressing,provide as much info as you can to your spouse,give her space to absorb it all,she will go through many emotions anger,resentment,embarrassment and fear.Most of all negotiate on the frequency of your dressing,remeber she may not like you to dress every day.
You will need to ask her if she minds being with you when you dress.
Your partner may be o.k with you going out dressed,however she may want you to leave and enter the house from the back.
BUDGET the big one,make sure you sit down and decide how much you can spend on items etc,remember there is often a family that have needs,honesty about spendage is an important negotiation.
All the above will tie in with your spouses emotions.
The fear-Because you are now out in the open and dressing,she may fear that your going to have a sex change,she will fear if you have children and your dressing at night that the children may find out accidentially.
She may fear that your work mates will find out and you could lose your job.
Anger_ the biggy why was'nt I told before we got married
Why do I have to worry when you go out
Why do you have to dress in a dress anyway
Resentment- Why are you spending so much on clothes
What about me.
Embarrassment- What if someone see's you leaving the house
What about the relatives
So from all the above you can see why negotiation is very important.
So my friends how do you negotiate with your spouses?
HUgs Penni
[/b]
Virginia intends to show up at (my hopefully soon to be "ex's")her house, well it's her parents house. She has never seen Virginia and had previously stated that she NEVER wanted to see Virginia. Well guess what - not only can I out dress her, I think I can pretty much "out-woman" her too!