Oh my dear confusing SO

Arianne · Post by **Arianne** » Sun Oct 22, 2006 12:56 am

I had the best night ever, no dressing involved, and then my wife cofuse me every which way she can.

We went to see a stage production of "The Rocky Horror Show" tonight, something I have been doing for over 22 years. I have seen it on film over 100 times and gone to the movie theatre in theme as every character there is, more than once as the female ones.

Now we had a great time, it was a wonderful production, and on the way home my wife says we should have dressed for it.

This may sound good, but she is not supportive of me dressing at all, and she says I should go as Frank N Furter. This is what is so confusing, she doesn't like me to dress, but wants me to go as Frank in 2 weeks to a midnight live show.

Oh what to do, because I really want to go as Columbia or Magenta.

My darling wife is sweet, but not supportive, and now this.

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Sun Oct 22, 2006 1:45 pm

Hi Arianne--
I think it's one time you're going to have to level with your wife. I'm sure you don't want to go through her eye-rolling or her sarcasm again, but this is too close to home, so to speak. She's asking you to do something which is tantalizingly near to what you'd like to do anyway, but suggesting a version of it that won't even be close.

It sounds like it will not be fun at all for you to just "go along" with this. So that's why I'm saying you should speak your true feeligngs. The female part of you is not going to go away, and you need to protect that part. Even if you end up with a compromise that you're not wild about, at least you will know that you did what you needed to do for yourself

Arianne · Post by **Arianne** » Sun Oct 22, 2006 3:06 pm

I am guessing we will not end up dressing for the occasion, she gets stubborn and has no desire to learn anything about CDing.

It is sad, I love the woman dearly, but something is going to have to give soon, the stress is maddening

Stephanie W · Post by **Stephanie W** » Mon Oct 23, 2006 4:54 pm

Arianne

Don't sweat it. I know it must be frustrating. Her suggestion at your dressing for the show is just showing that she is comfortable among an audience of crazy folks out for nothing but a good time. No different to a costume party really. Why, because it's not threatening to her.

If she knows about your CD, you can tell her (tongue-in-cheek) that if you dress for this show, she has to know you'll enjoy it for reasons beyond just having a fun night out. Who knows, it might open the door a crack for some further discussion down the road? Hope so! If not, at the very least, you'll have another opportunity to dress and go out and that's always fun. As an aside, why she would oppose your going as Magenta or Columbia in favour of Frank is anyone's guess.

Stephanie

Georgia(SO) · Post by **Georgia(SO)** » Tue Oct 24, 2006 6:38 am

Stephanie W wrote

As an aside, why she would oppose your going as Magenta or Columbia in favour of Frank is anyone's guess.

Yes, I understand it. Let's see if I can explain it. For some women, the notion that you really want to present as a woman is unnerving. It's something about that woman inside you that is disconcerting. For many SOs, it's not about you putting women's clothes on your male body. It's about this female person inside your brain - the clothes are just a tangible thing that goes along with it.

Frank is clearly masculine, clearly a male in drag, and masculine-ly sexy in his own fun way. Portraying Magenta or Columbia is more complex, speaking to the woman inside you that many SOs find so threatening. It's quite possible that Arianne's wife is trying to be supportive by suggesting going as Frank and just sorta missing the point. Or maybe she has real problems with the point and this is as close as she can get to being supportive.

You could blow everyone's mind and go as -- oh hell, what was the butler's name???

-g(so)

Amanda (SO) · Post by **Amanda (SO)** » Tue Oct 24, 2006 8:34 am

Georgia(SO) wrote: You could blow everyone's mind and go as -- oh hell, what was the butler's name???

-g(so)

Rifraf

Yeah, totally useless contribution to the thread, sorry! I wish I could add something more substantial, but I'm not quite sure what to say. Maybe she is, as Georgia said, trying to meet you half way, but missing the idea.