Crossdressers-Haven.com

Hi there,

I put this here so we could talk about this.

CJ's post made me start thinking and I maybe a red head but I put on blonde hair just as quickly. So for me, thinking can be a very bad bad thing.

Sooooo...I hear what CJ is saying and I thought it was VERY revealing how open and honest Kathy was.

I want a gal who is attractive to herself. Someone who thinks she's pretty and proves it by not showing the insecurities that accompany a not confident woman. I'm not saying she can't be shy. But shy women can know they are beautiful on the inside and or the outside and display that to the world.

I want someone who will love me (by the way I have this with my wife ) and support me for who I am.

I don't want to be the man of her dreams because those expecations are too high. She needs to aim lower. Like the Saab of men. Reliable, always there nice looking, but affordable. I want to be as fallible as her.

Partnerships take HARD HARD work. You don't like each other for a week, or weeks, but you're there to take care of them and they take care of you. Then you remember why you love each other and falling in love again happens as you recall all the things this person has done for you, has done with you and why you're in love.

The most important thing I look for is COMMUNICATION!!!! Without that.. there is nothing, nada, el zippo, zed(meaning Z).

My criteria is love, communication, pretty smile, comfortable with herself, non submissive, potential to become a beautiful woman inside with the right man.

That algorithm = marriage. (pour moi)

CJ thanks for that great thread. I'm still thinking!!! This is very, very scary.

Beauty

I must say bravo to both of you. The women I am attracted to may not always be the best looking on the outside but the way they carry themself lends them to being better looking on the inside then out.

I too, have a wife that I'm proud to say I love. Inside and Out.
Before we had children, Amber had the hourglass figure of men's dreams. Childbirth (x2) has not been kind to her body. REGARDLESS, I still love and cherish the woman of my dreams. She is beautiful in my eyes, no matter what her weight.
I add this -- If (God forbid) she were in some terrible accident that disfigured her face and body horribly, I would still love her as much as the day we met.
This is a very biased opinion. I have been with my wife for 17 years. I know very much about her. She and I are so very much in love, I can't imagine life without her.
When you've known someone for so long, things like wrinkles or cellulite are insignificant.
Love is comprised of far more than outward physical beauty. Sure, a pretty face and figure are desirous; but it's not the whole package.

Amber, I love you. (Now the world knows! )

Just a very opinionated perspective.

Hugs to everyone,
Kyra

Hi all,

This is a good idea, Beauty, putting this here. I want to respond to what some of the SOs said. I guess I can do that here also?

Well, first, to you, Beauty,

Off the bat, I have to say I picture you as something quite a bit more than the Saab of men (Saab of men, indeed! :!: ); you're a kind, generous, and loving person in an attractive package--that makes you a cross between a RR Silver Ghost and a Saleen S7! What I meant when I talked about a woman "who sees me as the man of her dreams" is exactly the same thing as when you, yourself, refer to a woman who will love you for who you are. I guess I was talking about affinities--quite a serious matter when you're a crossdresser. This side of me will have to be something she can not only live with, but actually enjoy; I know it's a tall order, but such gals do exist--and I mean to partner myself with one. (To some of you who are curious as to why I'm not currently in a relationship, this has a lot to do with it--I'm a ship at sea, looking for a very specific beacon on the coast. I'm patient about this.)

Julie,

You're right, I know there are a lot of guys who think like we do, who focus on the whole person as a source of their attraction. You're double-right when you say it's unfortunate that social and beauty standards have reduced that "package" to contain only a woman's looks. It's more than unfortunate--it's almost criminal. I feel very strongly about this. Your love for your wife is an inspiration to me, by the way. I think I could never say that enough.

Gaven,

Your attitude also makes a you a person beautiful, inside and out. Our attitudes very much show in our bodies and in our faces.

To the SOs:

Kathy,

Thanks for your reply. As usual, it was very thoughful. Trust me, Kathy, I know that not all men think like this (this is why I was careful to say "most" men); being crossdressers doesn't automatically give us a special insight into the struggles women must endure regarding the general attitudes of society towards whatever ideals of female beauty are in vogue at any given time. We do remain men (that is, we were raised and socialized as men); there's so much about the experience of being female we'll never have access to. (Speaking for myself, that won't stop me from trying! ) Wanting to look and feel good, next to your mate, by the way, never makes you a "jerk," Kathy. This need or this desire is the most natural thing in the world. You want to be able to feel proud about yourself. You want your mate to feel proud of you. That's true of men also. We just have to keep in mind that that pride must come from a package that contains more than just our looks, and this obviously includes men who present as women.

Lefty,

As ever, your kind words are a booster shot; I know I'll make some woman somewhere happy someday. As I said, I'm in "patient lookout" mode. It'll come.

Amber,

Thanks also for your own kind and wonderful reply. It's food for thought (no pun intended!) My own wish is that you (or any woman out there) could see yourself through eyes such as mine, and understand, in your heart of hearts, just how beautiful you really are. I know I'm idealistic. But that remains a part of me I love just as much as, say, my feelings of femininity. You may not be happy with your looks, Amber, but more than half the battle is won for you if you can see the issue of your weight as being one of health more than one of appearance (notice I said, "more than," not "instead of"). I know self-esteem concerning appearance is much more difficult for women to come by than it is for men (our own self-esteem struggles, sometimes no less difficult, seem to come from a different quarter). About the fear of your DH losing interest because of your appearance, I think it's just a fact of couplehood that the flame of passion (and the "fever" that accompanies it) transmutes, over time, into something much more lasting and solid--call it the "sun" of intimate friendship and glowing love. Sex and physical attraction are but ways that friendship finds expression. By the way, I don't mean friendship, here, as in "I'm going out to see a movie with friends" friendship, no, I mean "my soul and yours are entwined and bound together for life" friendship. In my own relationships, this is always what has mattered most (hence the fact that I've always remained on good terms with my exes).

Anyway, all, I wish I had more time; I've gotta run... work awaits. I'm looking forward to hearing more of your thoughts on the matter.

Love,
CJ

CJ,
I understand what you're saying. Kyra and my love for each other has already transformed into that "friendship" type of love. I also want that feeling of watching him watch me, if you know what I mean. I think that most SOs want to be able to know that they can still make their hubby's jaw drop in lust. Not that Kyra doesn't give me the attention that I need. I think the song "Lady in Red" sums it up. We not only want to be wanted, but lusted after. If only by the object of our affection. Thanks for your support. It's quite needed right now.
XOXO, Amber

Hi Amber,

Thank God for music!

I completely understand what you mean now. Very interesting.

Yes, there are times when my wife can just be talking and I'll just go, "Wow you are soo beautiful!" or when she comes downstairs wearing whatever and she just looks so awesome. I usually take her hand and I'll slow dance with her in the middle of living room, bedroom, kitchen or where ever. It reminds me of the chorus of Lady In Red because when we're dancing. But I'm too tall, so it's not really cheek to cheek.

there's nobody here
It's just you and me
It's where I wanna be
I hardly know
This beauty by my side
I'll never forget
The way you look tonight

Thank you so much because I didn't even think about it (the relevance of that song). Women posses this incredible aura and when you gals have it, it's just something words can't explain. For me I see a castle, a beautiful woman, her love for me and no dragon to slay. So, I just envision getting on one knee and asking her to marry me all over again. Oh... and the vision has the "hose over the lens feel" so it's kind of like looking at life through a beautiful white cloud.

I'm sorry if this was over descriptive, it's just that when you said noted that song, bells and visions started whirling in my head. So, I wrote them down.

Ok.. shutting up now.

Beauty

Hi Y'all,

There has been a lot in this thread about the women we love and our feelings about them. Actually, being an eternal romanticist, I love to read things like y'all have written. It makes me realize just how wonderful a group we have here.

I also love music and have for years listened to the lyrics of songs. Most of them were popular and some were called "Oldies" before some of you were thought of. My favorites include "I only have eyes for you" and a very special one which very well describes the feelings in us for the one we love. It was simple called "Lady" done by the Little River Band.

"And I love you best, you're not like the rest.
You're there when I need you, you're there when I need - - -
I'M GOING TO NEED YOU!

"So Lady, let me take a look at you now.
You're there on the dance floor making me want you somehow.
Oh Lady, I think it's only fair I should say to you,
Don't be thinking I don't want you, cause maybe I do,
Don't be thinking I don't want you, LADY I DO!


I loved this song when my wife was with me and I just adore it since she is gone. Listen to the section starting with "A long time ago" and you'll know why. If you don't remember this sweet song, turn your speakers on and click on the link below.

http://www.ladyjayes.com/lady-lrb.html

Thanks for giving me a chance to remember how wonderful and forgiving the love is between a man and a woman. I need a break to clear my eyes.

Hi all,

Josey,

Thanks so very much for posting that link to "Lady." It's a wonderful song, very heart-wrenching in a way... it made me realize just how much you loved and miss your wife. I'll say it here, Josey: I'm sorry for your loss. I'm really happy that you joined us and I hope that your heart finds nourishment here also.

The song reminded me of my earliest days listening to the radio (CKGM, a now-defunct top 40 AM station here, in Montreal) back in 1970 or '71. Thanks for the trip down memory lane, girl.

Love,
CJ

Hi CJ,

Thank you so much for the very kind words. I will admit that even after almost three years, I do miss her terribly and get quite emotional at times.

It is time I find some other person in my life but that brings up problems you and most of the others on this forum are well familiar with. I hope to get some help from the SO's and others on this forum to get my mindset better aclimated to handle the task.

Thanks again, CJ,