Crossdressers-Haven.com

I have been exploring my femme self in the big bad world now for over two years.

During this time I have become very good friends with many other girls both in person and online.

Also during this time I have become more in tune with my womanness. I am finding my feelings changing and my desires leaning to the possibility of transition.

I am wondering if this is a chicken or the egg type thing.

I mean am I becoming more femme because of my femme socialising or am I socialising more as a woman because of my TGism?

Either way this has become a real issue in my life and I must address it sooner or later.

Your comments and your personal feelings would be appreciated.


Jan

I reckon that could be what is referred to as the "slippery slope", Jan. However, IMO, the only way to know is to discuss it with a good gender therapist.

And, it is one reason that one must live at least one year (UK is 2 yrs) as a woman, before transitioning.

A number of TS's have admitted to starting out thinking they were CD, only to realize they were TS.

Hi Jan--
I hesitated to take on being a facilitator at the TG support group for much the same reason you're talking about. The group is mostly women who have transitioned or are planning to.

I like being around these women and socializing with them. But was I setting myself up for feeling the need to transition, if I hung out with them?

I could argue that it was probably going to happen anyway, but the difficulties of a life fulltime was something I didn't want to rush. So I seriously considered that I'd be better off limiting my time with TG women.

But it has worked out fine for me in that regard. I took the job, I spend time with my friends, and I don't feel any need to move on into fulltime at present. This has been going on for over two years.

Answering your question, though, I would think in most cases that we do tend to want become more like the people we hang around with. It seems to be a natural tendency for human beings. So I was prepared to find myself struggling with transition.

Maybe the difference is that the two post-op friends that I spend the most time with are just living regular lives, only they're doing it as women. One is not particularly femme at all, although she passes well enough. She still plays music much the way she did before transitioning.
The other is still married to her wife, and does construction.

So we don't relate so much on "feminine" activities, as we do on just regular activities, that we would do in either gender. And I do show up as both male and female to do activities with them. If they were clearly turned off by my male presence, there would be a subtle pressure to move toward more consistent girl mode.

So maybe I'm getting the benefit of being able to express a femme self without having to become her all the time, if that makes sense. At the same time, there is no mistaking that something different happens when I'm actually presenting as a woman. It's a stronger feeling when the outward appearance matches the behavior.

Hi Jan,
In difference to Donna's "slippery slope" she atones with the need to see a qualified therapist. I wonder what Jan sees when she is dressed, alone, quiet, and stands in front of that full length mirror, looks into the eyes of the woman looking back at her! Again, I quote from the movie, "What the (Bleep) Do We Know!" where the question is asked: "Have you ever seen yourself through the eyes of someone else you have become?"
Then there is the fabled quote from that all too famous American frontiersman, congressman and dead guy at the Alamo, Davy Crockett, "Be sure you're right, then go ahead!"
Honey, I don't think any of us here have the answer for you other than to share our own feelings and caution you to "be sure it is what is best for Jan!"
Please keep us posted as you delve deeper into this. Share with us your feelings and we are behind you 110% no matter which course you choose.
To quote one other great sage: "While walking through the woods I came to a fork in the trail and I took it!"
We love you,
Virginia

If you are 'wondering' about transitioning, then ask yourself, is it that you wish to be the girl you feel you are becoming? Or, is it that you have always felt you were a woman trapped in a male body. If the former, then you should accept that you are a feminine male, who needs to express himself as the sex you identify most with. If the latter, then you should begin a course of therapy with a gender specialist to begin transition. If there is doubt in your mind, then you are probably just the former, and you should understand that much of what makes you the way you are is the male side of you, at least as much as the female side. Learn not to deny it's importance, better, learn to integrate it into your total self, and live as you feel most comfortable. Come to terms with all that you are, and live the way your psyche is at peace with. There doesn't have to be a black or white, grey is good too!
Good luck honey!

DonnaT wrote:I reckon that could be what is referred to as the "slippery slope", Jan. However, IMO, the only way to know is to discuss it with a good gender therapist.

A number of TS's have admitted to starting out thinking they were CD, only to realize they were TS.

Hi Jan ,

I haven't been on this forum for some time so an appology for the late response.

I first met you 2 years ago when you were hesitant and looking for direction , we then attended that strange club a few times where your confidence accelerated very quickly and you started driving home dressed etc.
In those few months I noted a difference between you and me , you were going fast-forward where as I seemed to feel I had reached my limit.
Your desire to transition does not suprise me , I recall a post-op TS attending that club and you had so many questions for her.
Honestly Jan I predicted at the time you would be considering this one day , but I agree with donna " seek a professional gender therapist first".

Does you wife know about this ???


P.S. as for me , I think my CDing days are numbered.

Well, I guess it depends on your ultimate goal in life to either be a woman full time or continue to live in both male and female worlds.... I have never seen any reason personally to seek professional therapy mainly because I came to grips with what and whom I am.... and that isn't a woman.... I enjoy my fem time as much as I enjoy my male time... To me paying someone to tell me why I like to dress like a woman solves nothing.... And even if I knew why (and I don't, and i dont ever care to...) it would not change a thing.... I would still do what I love to do... So spending all that time and effor and money on something that provides no results or no impact to my life is not worth persueing, in my opinion....

But if your goal is to transition then I agree you should seek help along those lines... From what I've read and heard you need professional approval in most countrys to get SRS....

So which ever route you choose.... good luck and above all else, smile and have fun.... lifes too short to do anything else....

Love Karren

Thanks girls for your heartfelt words.

I mean am I becoming more femme because of my femme socialising or am I socialising more as a woman because of my TGism?

Either way this has become a real issue in my life and I must address it sooner or later.

Your comments and your personal feelings would be appreciated.
=============
=============

ok. look in your mirror. what do YOU see? do you SEE a woman behind those eyes? or do you see something else?
tell me what YOU see...
in MY world? becoming more femme because of socialing,...
or
socializing because of tg'ism...

wellllllllll for ME? it would be,,...BOTH hun.
bottom dotted line,....

BECOMING femme IS the thing...........PERIOD! irregardless of how/why/...it just has-to-be!
so what is YOUR answer?
"I" am STILL fighting my maleneass. I have-to----live--male still. NOT happy about it. someone give me a chance to BE femme every day...and by the gods I'd be one happy camper..........

best wishes to you.

keep me informed.

Jan W wrote:Also during this time I have become more in tune with my womanness. I am finding my feelings changing and my desires leaning to the possibility of transition.

I am wondering if this is a chicken or the egg type thing.

I mean am I becoming more femme because of my femme socializing or am I socializing more as a woman because of my TGism?

Perhaps I'm just having a blond day, even probably so. Still, I can't help feeling the others read too much into your question.

Who else wonders? I do! Is this a chicken or egg kind of thing? I think so.

Do I feel more like transitioning when I dwell on the greater subject of sexuality? Probably. For example, my wife notices that I cry a lot more at the movies than I ever used to. I still can't afford transition either financially or emotionally, and I am too old, but still, I think we do tend to want to conform to whatever flock our feathers happen to fly with at the moment. We all know the dreadful cost of any form of non-conformity.

Hope I didn't make light of your real concerns, whatever they are.

Hugs,

Bernice