Crossdressers-Haven.com

After telling my wife went better than I could ever hope for I mistakenly thought the guilt and shame would fade away. I still have the urges but the guilt that happens after isn't worth the feeling/release I get from dressing. I can't seem to kick the guilt even after two counselors and my wife have said to let it go. I'm going to give the totally guy mode one more try. Wish me luck please.

Jill-no more?

Hi Jill and good luck if trying to give up dressing is what you really want.
I think you know that the urge never ends. There may be times when being en femme is less important but the desire to dress always comes back. Why do you think it´s so important to stop doing it? If you enjoy dressing, how could that harm you in any way. Just the opposite, it makes you a whole person. I think it´s wonderful that you have your wife´s support; it makes the situation so much easier. But, you know better than I what`s best for you.

Hugs,
Joanna

Jill

Jill-no more?

I don't think so!

Not sure why you still can't let go of the guilt, especially with the support you have. Perhaps you need to give it some more time as it may indeed subside eventually with continued reassurance and support. No reason to give up doing something you enjoy as that will likely only make you feel more stressed because you are denying yourself that all important part of you.

I would try and look deeper into why you feel so much guilt and see if you (with your wife) (or another counsellor) can figure out where the root of the problem lies. You need to find it before you can correct the problem. Just don't give up.

Stephanie

Good luck Jill (no more).

But if you find you can't commit totally, then good luck at losing the guilt.

I don't know what you have to feel guilty about, however. You didn't ask to be trans to any degree, and there is no cure for it.

So, it's not your fault, and it doesn't cause harm to anyone else, and as such, you have nothing to feel guilty for.

Jill,

I wish you the best of luck in trying to stave off the urges you get. I hope this will help you overcome your guilt.

Just remember, we're here for you if you should ever need us.

Hugs,
Kyra

Jill,

Good luck sweetie on your journey.I hope that you find the peace you are seeking. Please remember we are always here.

Hi Jill
Been there done that and no more. Maybe it's getting older but life is short and you have to be who you are or you end up as no one at all. Randy Newman said it best in a song from the early seventies. Be who you are and if it's not bad don't feel guilty. Hugs. Here's the song Hon

Guilty

Yes baby I've been drinkin
And I know I shouldn't come by no more
But I found myself in trouble darlin'
And I had nowhere else to go

Got some whiskey
From the barman
Got some cocaine
From a friend

And I just had to keep on movin darlin'
Til I was back in your arms again

You know I'm guilty
Yes I'm guilty
And I'll be guilty for the rest of my life

How come I never do
What I'm supposed to do
And nothing I do ever turns out right

You know how it is with me baby
You know I just can't stand myself
And it takes a whole lot of medicine Darlin'
To pretend that I'm somebody else


Love
Jeannie

Hay Jill,
I too wish you the best of luck, me I couldn't live without my crossdressing it's me and I will not run away from it.

Hi Jill,

I too denied it for years and I can't tell you the number of times I've thrown away hundreds of dollars of undies and other femine items. I've always come back to it though. I am 51 now and it has hit me as strong if not stronger than ever.

I hope you succeed, I really do. I've finally told my wife and although she does not ask me about it right now, I am always sure she will and I am at a point in my life where I've finally accepted it as part of me.

Good luck to you.

Robyn

Jill.
hun like the other I wish you well on the journey to free yourself of the guilt, please remember we are here as friends, drop by and say hello as we would hate to lose you altogether

Jess

Just checking in. I still haven't dressed but I feel this tiny nagging voice telling me how nice it would be. I did catch myself paging thru Lane Bryant catalog yesterday. In two weeks we both go to our theraphist together for the first time, for some reason I'm getting a wierd feeling about this. Right now it's like she and I are both trying to ignor the whole crossdressing issue. Well it's my birthday so time for a "get drunk- get naked- see who's the fattest party.

Remember one of our mantras here - - keep the lines of communication open! Ignoring a situation does not make it go away - it only compounds it, and then no one is happy. Be honest with yourself and to who you are, and you have no reason to feel guilty or ashamed for being a CD. Jill is an integral part of you, and you have done nothing wrong by acknowledging that she exists. Eventually you - and your wife - will need to realize that Jill is here to stay, too. The choice you need to make, then, is how to handle this wonderful aspect of you, and finding that balance.

Now then - - We hope you have a great birthday today, Jill!



- SL and Virginia

Hey Jill,

I too have been there. I am 55 this year, and after a long period of absence my urges are back again.

It seems to be tied to my level of self esteem; some say I suffer from SAD which I think means "seasonally affected disorder" (dont quote me).

But after 1st January I get depressed. When I get depressed I tend to look for my comfort zones. Normally that means comfort eating. But this year I am on a diet because I'm getting too big for my own health.
Well thats when my old urge came racing in , in first place.

For the first time in ten years I bought a bra, then spent two weeks feeling guilty. Then I searched for a new dress. I found one I liked. But I cant buy it 'cos I feel so guilty, again.

Do we thrive on guilt? Its as if we do this to ourselves.
Is this what they call wallowing in self pity?

I too have a supportive wife and my family do too. My counsellor couldn't help, even after twelve months of "therapy".

I think we enjoy being guilty. Like a masochist in a way.

Take care Jill.
I wish you luck.

We will still be here for you, if you need to come back....

tara

Kerri

Jill,
As you can see, lots of caring and concern here from your sisters. I guess we would all hope that you will tell us how it goes at the counselor.
I don't believe that you said why you were going? If it is because of the crossdressing and your wife is willing to go with you - that's a good thing, I guess!
Do please let us know how the session goes.
Love,
Virginia

Good luck Jill with whatever it is you decide that you want.

I'm wondering if your wifes acceptance made this all more real for you and perhaps that made you uncomfortable? If your wife is accepting then it would seem that much of the guilt is internal.

Maybe there is also fear masquerading as guilt. Wondering if now that it is okay to be more open about this where will it all lead to?

Let us know how things are going and remember that you need to do what is right for you and those who love you.

Absaroka