How to ask for your clothes back

[Arianne]

My wife and I were recently blessed with a wonderful event, our daughters got "independent and got an apartment in a town about an hour away. They moved there because it is where there college is.

Now while this is great, we still have one son living at home, so my dressing is still limited.

The odd thing is, with all of this independence, our daughters drive all the way here to do their laundry, even though there are numerous landromats there.

Now to the actual issue, the younger daughter wears the same size underwear as me, and she seems to have taken a liking to mine, I guess she thinks they are her mother's. So after each visit, I am missing a few items, and it is expensive to replace them.

How the heck do I ask my daughter for my clothing back?

None of the kids know, and I am sure my wife could ask for them, but she isn't sure the daughter even has them. The worst of it is she has taken my favourite items, which were agonising purchases.

[SilverLady(SO)]

Hi, Arianne -

First, how did your daughter even get her hands on your underwear? I would presume that she is doing her own laundry, meaning she's not mixing them in with her parents' laundry? If that is the case, that would lead me to believe that she is going through dresser drawers . . . and that's a definite no-no!

On the presumption, then, that you are correct and your daughter has them, regardless of how your underwear is finding their way into your daughter's hands, your wife should confront her (on your behalf) and remind her that she is not to be taking things that are not hers, and to return them. That, or as she is now "independent" then she can buy an exact replacement for them. Alternatively, she can reimburse 'mom' for the original purchase price so they can be replaced.

One way or another, your daughter has to learn that she is wrong to be taking things that are not hers, especially without asking for them first. She is supposed to be a responsible adult now . . . it's time for her to start acting like one, too, and accept the consequences of her actions.

Good Luck!!

- SL

[DonnaT]

Wow, it's hard for me believe she would take another person's underware, but then again, I don't know her.

I would have considered my son first, based on my background Regardless of size.

But, you did mention,

So after each visit, I am missing a few items, and it is expensive to replace them.

So, here's what you do. Talk to the other daughter. Ask her to look for them "for your wife". Explain that you don't want your younger daughter to get in an argument with your wife, so ask her to be discrete.

Now, if your worried about the older daughter snooping on your younger daughter, then ask your younger daughter to look for them "for your wife". Explain that you don't want your older daughter to get in an argument with your wife, so ask her to be discrete.

When/if you get them back, then have a talk with her. Confronting her without knowing for sure is as bad as her apparent stealing, IMHO.

And try using tact when you do talk. One way is to talk to all three at the same time. Explain how things have been turing up missing recently, and that you hope one of your own kids isn't stealing from family. That if they need something, then they should just ask, and then y'all can discuss it.

[Arianne]

Well, I know it is not my son, I have checked his room, I am a nosy parent, lol

My wife is going to see if our daughter "accidentally" mixed our laundry up with hers. What happens is we only have 3 of us here, and we let the washer load during the day and do the load at night. Our daughters come up and unload the washer to put their stuff in, so maybe, just maybe, they are at the bottom of the machine when she starts her load.

Could almost be an innocent mistake, hopefully we will know soon.

[Carla L]

I know this is a after thought. I always keep my clothing separate from my wife's. I think I wash them better, delicate cycles, undies and bras in a bag, low heat if I don't simply hang them to dry. I never have a problem this way.

Hope you get your clothing back!