Need advice! (Bi-curiosity/opportunity)

[Victoria S]

Hi all,

I was hoping for some advice from you girls. I will give you info in general about my situation. (kind of long )

This weekend and the following week I have a chance to be a woman as much as I please. In fact, I am already dressed. I also have a chance to dress up fully as a female for a friend of mine (I'll explain in light detail). The funny thing is I actually want to tone down crossdressing, but I can't help it, and I begin crossdressing again. I have told myself I would stop but it has never worked. It seems impossible.

I have dressed since I was around 8. Since then my curiosity has led me to dress as a female in full when I can (now in my mid 20's). On top of the urges (they get stronger sometimes) and no longer dressing for arousal (like when I was younger) I dress because I like feeling sexy and feminine. To add to it, woman have all the best clothes, variety, accessories, etc (I'm sure you know exactly what I mean). I also began to have curiosity to go out as a girl to stores or clubs (haven’t done so yet really, just a shop). Dressing is no longer enough (I'm a closet cd). The bigger and main issue is that I fantasize about men when dressed as a woman. Even though while as a male, I don't think about guys at all! Just girls. But dressed, I have since become very bi-curious. I want to be a woman for a man more than ever. Can’t stop thinking about it. Which leads me to my situation. Not to mention I am confused with crossdressing more than ever..........

This week I have a chance to dress up a lot. On top of that, I have a friend who is older than I am (low 30's). I have come to think he really does like crossdressers. He is a good friend who I have known for a very longtime. He has been very nice to me and I owe him to some extent. We know many mutual friends as well and all hang out on occasion.

We began joking about me dressing as a girl somehow. This went from a joke to real curiosity, especially for him. For me I have always wanted this opportunity (I think). He doesn't know I crossdress at all. He said he would buy all the clothes, makeup, etc, and told me I should dress up as joke for him. Now this joke has turned into reality. We discussed that I would dress up for him in full, maybe go out, and spend the night as a girl possibly if we are out too late. I think we both want it but are unsure and both afraid. And we both said this remains private between us. I know this can lead to sex as well. And I know I have wanted to try this for a long time and finally have a chance. Just don't know if I should take it anymore!

So I have a chance to dress up for the whole week and on top of that dress up for him fully as a girl. This sounds really great to me but at the same time I am very unsure as well. I don't know where this can lead to. Not sure if it will ruin or create a relationship. If word will leak out that I crossdress or if I will get anxious and depressed for possibly pursuing this. It might make my crossdressing issues worse. Instead of helping me, it may hurt me. But at the same time this can be very good for me too. This would only make me pursue crossdressing more even though I want to tone it down if not completely. From what I understand, crossdressing urges come back usually stronger, and I haven’t been able to tone down my crossdressing. But these urges, like now, are too great and it feels great to be dressed. I just find myself coming back to it and now with this chance I have, I don’t know what to do!!! So I am unsure what to do now!

If any of you girls have had experience in this area please share with me and give me advice. Maybe what the consequences would be? What could be the result. Even if you haven't had this experience, feel free to put in your two cents. I have posted on another forum but this issue is not something I am used to dealing with. And I am still very unsure and confused! And this chance is coming up next weekend!!!!!!!!

They say, curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction can bring it back. Not sure which one will happen!! ahh! Help!

Thanks Girls!

Victoria – who is in need of advice!

[Tekla]

Well if you are married or in some sort of committed relationship you might run into real problems. If not, then if you take the proper precautions for being safe, then what's the big deal?

I always followed my sister's motto: I'll try anything once, twice if I like it.

[Victoria S]

I am a young crossdresser. Mid 20's. He is in his mid 30's. I'm leaning toward doing it but I need to be sure and I need to figure out what the consequences would be for the both of us.

Thanks for your reply!

Victoria

[DonnaT]

I've never been attracted to a man/male, only women.

Personally I don't recommend 'being with' someone unless you are attracted to them, man or woman. Not that there's anything wrong with it, just not my thing.

[Tekla]

I'm sure its just me, but..... bad sex is better than no sex.

[Stephanie W]

Victoria

You might want to check out the following thread entitled 'Bi-CD's".
http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... an&start=0

While not specific to your question, there might be something useful in there to help you decide. My posting in there tells of my experience. Sounds to me like you've already made up your mind, so my advice is to just do what 'feels right'. Tekla made a good point regarding if you are in a committed relationship already. The thread also covers that.

Stephanie

[Absaroka]

I've had sex where no sex at all would have definitley been preferable.....

You may want to ask yourself how important this mans friendship is to you. Because if you are feeling unsure about your sexual preferences you may find that your feelings towards him get all caught up with your feelings about whatever sexuality you have or do not have.

I personally feel no attraction to men. I dress because I am attracted to women. That's just me. It may well be that you are bi and dressing is when you give yourself permission to feel these things. Or it may have to do with wanting to feel like a woman. I have no idea. Likewise you may want to experiment with someone you know and trust. Or you may wish to experiment with someone who you will not mind disengaging yourself from. Again I have no idea.

Absaroka

[Tekla]

Just remember the golden rule for girls, boys pay, always. For everything. Period. And order off the top of the menu.

[Penni SO]

Hi ya Victoria,

Firstly take precautions if you do decide to fufill this fantasy.
However sometimes fantasies are best left as fantasy...emotionally this person may want more than just sex...he may after all think that once you have committed yourself that there could be more in the relationship.

Secondly do be careful,there are those that prey on crossdressers,and though you have this fantasy or urge to fufill you may find yourself being taken for granted.

Also you say whilst in male mode you think of girls...could fufilling this fantasy end up with you wanting to do this everytime you are dressed.If so in the long term if you begin a relationship with a woman,she may not accept this part of your life at all...unless of course she is bisexual herself.

Just make sure you really are emotionally ready for this.

Hugs Penny

[Carol Ann]

Wow that is a fantasy I have dream about, going out with a male and being treated like a real lady.

But the buck stops there, it's only a fantasy. You know what scares the hell out of me? AIDS

[Tekla]

Two words, "Safe Sex." Which boils down to no fluid exchange.

And, I find the best way to be treated like a woman is to hang out with women, not men. I have a couple of tranny pals, and a few girls and we go out once a month or so for a nice dinner and a night activity (dancing, movie, live music, pub crawl, etc.) Works for me at least.

[Virginia]

Hi Victoria,

I can understand your dilemna, well, to some degree. A couple of years ago, I started a thread that dealt with my going to a local formal dinner/dance following the local Roanoke Pride Festival. I was going with a friend who was in the process of transitioning. Just two girls going to a formal dinner/dance. The question that I raised on the forum was that if any of my sisters were in the same situation and sitting at the table and a man asked you to dance what would you do? Well I got responses from you're presenting as a lady, you have the right to refuse or to dance, to "NO WAY would I dance with another guy!" etc. Well, I did get asked, and on several occasions, I might add. Anyway, on the first offer, I politely extended my hand, he lead me to the floor and we danced. It was a "slow dance" but he held me at the appropriate distance, made some very nice comments about my appearance, etc., held my hand and lead me back to the table. As I later reported, somewhat in jest, but true, "Gotta watch those gay guys, they are so smooth and they can charm your panties off!" I will not get into my inner feelings as that is better left to another section of the forum.

What I will say is to echo what some of my sisters have eluded to. First (and I am assuming you are not in a committed relationship with someone else), NOT ON THE FIRST DATE! See how it goes, come home and analyse your feelings, over and over, until you have an acceptable understanding. Then, if you feel a second date is acceptable, kind of becomes up to you how you want to handle it.

As for the man/man; woman/woman; woman/man thing, it is my considered opinion that the greatest thing you can have on this "trip around the sun" is someONE to love you and you to love that PERSON in return, their sex is totally irrelevant!

Hope we have helped to some degree and please let us know what you decide and how it works out!

Love,

Virginia

[Tekla]

I would, will, and have, dance with anyone, any number, in any mode. Girls dance together all the time. Its a dance, not a relationship.

Taking it slow is not a bad idea however. Even bad girls tend not to put out on the first date.

[Victoria S]

Hey girls.

Thanks for the advice! I am still undetermined as to what I am going to do. I have talked to this friend and the downside if you want to look at it that way is we both know something more than anyone else does about either me being a crossdresser or him liking or being bi-sexual. So between our emails we want to pursue it yet not pursue it. We are very good friends so it makes it awkward now between us already and we haven't done anything.

The silly thing is I really do want to stop or tone down crossdressing. So this situation is a confusing one. And as some of you have said, I don't want to end up really liking and being with a guy so much that it will effect any serious relationship with a woman I have. Not sure if it will even effect me to the point of being in a relationship with a guy. The thing is this, I also am not sure if I will always be curious to be with a guy, even if I am in a serious relationship. I hope not and that is why I was thinking I should get it over with. Maybe that curiosity won't go away until I try it? So its best I do it before getting serious with a girl?

In addition, I have dressed this weekend a little bit. I enjoyed it a lot and while dressed all I was thinking about was being with my friend. Then as I always finish crossdressing with "arousal" (even though I don't do it for arousal) I then feel really guilty and ask myself what I am doing. So I purged a little bit! But not much. So now as I think about it again, I want to do it. Back and forth I can't figure it out. I think a big part of me wants this but another part thinks it will effect everything. I won't be able to focus on work, school, friends, if I feel ashamed. So I am confused. But I may be ok. I don't know.

So as I have said, I have talked to my friend via email and if I really wanted I could go over to his place this friday and dress up as a girl for him. I suppose we would hang out, have a few drinks, and I would spend the night (especially if I got too drunk). I am still undecided about this. He is a very good friend who I have known for a long time so I assume safe sex is not an issue and he would tell me if I needed to know.

I have a question for you girls. While in a relationship, how often did you think of crossdressing? And how often did you actually do it?

Thanks girls for your replies. I am so confused with crossdressing and my bi-curiosity. I was thinking maybe I will go over to his place friday and see what happens and try to take it slow. Then if I want it I may go over another time. But I don't know. Maybe I won't do it at all...aaaohhhh.

Thanks!


Victoria

[DonnaT]

I have a question for you girls. While in a relationship, how often did you think of crossdressing? And how often did you actually do it?

Well, when I was dating my soon-to-be wife, I didn't think about it at all. Being in the Army at the time may have played a part in that as well.

So, it didn't come up, and she wasn't told until it did come up a few months into the marriage.

If I had known then what I know now, then I would have told her before getting married. But, I didn't even think about it at the time.