Crossdressers-Haven.com

Having just read JoAnn Dallas posting about being gay or not got me thinking, as we get older who do we become? and why?

I'll set up the senario
A couple of weeks back I was asked (put in the position where I had to) out to dinner with a woman who I met through a 3rd person.

Anyway the dinner went well, good conversation and very good time, she asked me to give her a lift home (looking promising), get to her place and do I want to come in for coffee? (crikey, am I wearing clean underwear?)
takes me by the hand to the front door! (should have got some Viagra).

Opens the door we go inside..............the place is, well not really filthy but very untidy and scruffy, dishes in the sink, stuff on the table, lounge untidy and no dusting done for ages, I could see through the bedroom door that the bed was'nt made! and clothes strewn about (she is'nt my size either)
It was like a direct hit in the groin from a bazooka loaded with cold spoons

Now I'm not a neat freak or anything but at least my place is kept in a state of tidiness as I'm the only one home (like her)
Oh! also she said during dinner that her 2 dogs often sleep on the bed with her.......and there's this labrador cross at my feet scratching the whole time...

Well it took 1/2 an hour of fast talk to get out. I just could'nt do it I felt really bad both for her in standing her up like that and for me in missing out
I mulled over the gay question, No I don't think I've crossed the street

I came up with the question that seemed appropriate, we may be likend to our fathers when young but Do we become like our mothers as we get older?, especially if your a CD.
I know my Mum would have been upset with the state of her house, and I had the urge to clean the place.
(When I was young I would have done her in a dumpster)
Does our feminine side become stronger as we get older?, is it something else.
Its haunted me since then.

I think we become older, maybe wiser, and more practical. The absence of lust for a particular person doesn't make us anything. I do think I have an image of what a women is and maybe act more like that as I get older. The Macho shell I wore as a teen/ youg man didn't fit so well.

Hi Yvonne,

Here's my $.02 - for what it is worth.

I don't think your situation had anything to do with being gay or not - not even with sex or gender. It was just unappetizing and unsanitary, to put it mildly. You did well to get out of it as quickly as possible. You sure don't need to feel guilty about it.

Hugs,

Lydia

When I was younger (20's) my apartment looked a lot like what you discribed her place looked like. But now that I am 60, I just can not stand the house looking unkept. It is just the wife and I, but anyone that would enter our house would find it pleasing to the eye and nose.
I think it's a wizer thing, we are older and more wizer than we were when we were younger.

Yvonne,

I read your post....................... uh?! well, I uh!? I just want you to know that I read your post!

Virginia

Yvonne

I don't think you need to look for some hidden meaning here. If she was comfortable you seeing her messy place for your first impression, can you imagine what you'd be in for, for your second? I agree that you certainly don't have anything to apologize for.

Stephaine

I have a friend of mine who says that people don't change, they just become more-so. We all become - at least the happy ones among us - just exactly what we were supposed to be, we were becoming that all the time.

I don't think that I've become more like my mom or dad as time went on. I think the parts of them that are always with me just got used better over time, as I've become more myself.

I think Tekla put it well that we don't change, just become more who we really are.

My take on what happened is that first of all as we get older our sex drive becomes less all consuming. Also with benefit of experience we learn about entanglements-you're probably better at seeing what tommorrow will be like if you spend the night.


It also takes a while for many men to come to terms with the fact that sometimes they just want to say no.


Absaroka

Or, you learn to handle it. To use the sex example, you learn to find women who are not going to be all that intent on coming back, or hanging around, or having some sort of LTR. Of course they are going to be the girls you don't take home to mama, but that's the point ain't it?

The old adage is that we spend half of our life trying to figure out who we are, and the other half trying to live up to that decision. Or half of our life trying to figure out what we are to become, and the other half becoming that. Either way, the earlier in life you can get through the first part, and get on with the second, the better your life will be. That much I'm quite sure about.

The first step I think it to be what you are. Be who you are. You can not become a better person, if the person you are now, is not the real you. Thus, being is the first step in becoming. The singer Jewell once wrote that “I'm becoming more and more myself with time. I guess that's what grace is. The refinement of your soul through time.” I think she is right.

I have always loved the writings of Anais Nin, and one of her most beautiful thoughts was that: “Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.”

Life is change, after all. Nothing stands still. Time moves, shifts, and changes, as do we in response to that. People become better, people are better at becoming, if they embrace that change. We all have the choice to let our lives move by chance or by change. The second path is better. As Harrison Ford once said, “We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance.” All we have to do is realize that and work with it. As the ancient philosopher said...

“Nothing is, everything is becoming.” -- Heraclitus of Ephesus

Yvonne,

I don't see what happened to you as having some deeper meaning, unless of course you tell us differently. Humans learned long ago that we could hijack the instinct of disgust, which protects us from biological harm, and with repitition, we can learn to be disgusted by just about anything.

Before I got fibromyalgia, I was a clean freak. Any disorder whatsoever, was very upsetting to me. Now that I don't have the strength or energy to maintain that high level of clean, I have learned to not be disgusted by things such as not having dusted. Something that would have drove me insane before.

I too have a big problem with filth. I wonder how people can not be bothered by it. Then I remember that my disgust level was set by my mother who could tolerate any disorder either. It's hard to get excited about someone that is not disgusted by what disgusts us. The comfort level is just not there.

I understand. I would be so uncomfortable in that situation, I would have done the same thing. I just can't help it. But I don't think it holds some deeper meaning.

Love always,
Elizabeth