I feel worthless

Jill S · Post by **Jill S** » Sat Jul 11, 2009 5:39 pm

Our 20 yr. old daughter walked in on me today. She and mom were going to be gone most of the afternoon and she forgot something and came back. I think she saw me thru the window running to change. She didn't say anything but I was wearing differant cloths than ten minutes earlier when she left the first time. She has made a few remarks lately about me liking Eddie Izzard movies and how I should just go with her mother next time she gets a pedicure, I showed too much interest in what color they both got and it seemed to freak her out a little. As she has grown up she seems to have realized that her mother is the dominate one in our marriage and I don't fit the pattern of a "real man/father" . My wife doesn't want her to know I'm trans. She and I don't ever talk about it since I came out to her a few years back. Anyway I just had to spew that out , my stomach is in knots and I truly feel like the scum of earth now.

Carol Ann · Post by **Carol Ann** » Sat Jul 11, 2009 6:00 pm

Jill S,

I do feel sorry for you but been there done that. My only daughter hasn't talked to me since she fond out her daddy was a crossdresser.

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Sat Jul 11, 2009 9:35 pm

Jill,

You will find that a lot of your sisters here have "been there done that." Now the lecture is pretty basic. You are who you are. You have to decide whether or not you like Jill. As I am fond of saying, "I am Virginia and Virginia is me." You have to ask yourself how important Jill is to you. It sounds like you have the capacity to make Jill go away by suppression, repression or whatever and if that is what you feel you need to do to "reestablish" your relationship with your daughter then that is what you have to do.

One thing you should try if you haven't already is find out how much your daughter knows about CD's, transgendered, or transsexual folk. How does she feel or what does she know about gays and lesbians? Is she open minded enough to even consider that everyone brings something different to the table?

My feelings about this has not changed. We have a "gift!" We should tactfully share it with everyone we come in contact with. The ability to listen, touch, feel, share, our internal emotions with other people even when we are not dressed can truly amaze others. They may not understand the whys of your attitude but it is just Jill touching others even though she may not have on a dress.

Please do not feel bad about yourself! You have a beautiful gift and it/she will serve you well if you let her, that I can guarantee you because from personal experience I know!

Let us know what path you take.

Love,

Virginia

Jill S · Post by **Jill S** » Sun Jul 12, 2009 10:32 am

Thank you both. I haven't been able to get into the site here since yesterday, not sure if it's our internet or what.
Well today everything is pretty normal. I made breakfast and our daughter set the table, she pulled the pink plate out of the bottom of the stack and put it at my place(Fiestaware) she hasn't said anything about yesterday but I bet her and mom talk today. She is our only daughter,only child period and I would be crushed if she hated me for this. As for this being a gift, I would gladly return it for a toaster! I seem to be going thru another bout of self hate. Last year I was close to going to Repairitive Threaphy or Hypnosis or whatever quack thing promised to "fix" me.
Losing my small family would kill me, but I have come to the point that being Jill isn't about dressing up anymore. I fell odd saying this even here but my male persona is getting very hard to keep up, if it didn't mean pain for my wife and Daughter I would gladly try the scary road that might lead to Jill being real. Peace to all of you and maybe some peace for me also.
Jill S

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Mon Jul 13, 2009 3:00 pm

Jill you are not scum.

Period.

You seem to care about and love your family a great deal. That's good.

You say that being Jill isn't about dressing up anymore. What is being Jill about? What is it about being your male identity that is difficult?

If Jill is who you really are, then being her can not be cured, nor should it be. But for me the question is who exactly are you?

What has been demonstrated here is that you are a decent human being. The rest is details, although they can be terribly troubling details.

Absaroka

Post by **DonnaT** » Mon Jul 13, 2009 5:03 pm

You may not have a dominant side with your wife, but your daughter is still your daughter, and you are the parent. So, be the parent.

It seems obvious that she saw how you were dressed, and knows something is up. However, she may be leaning towards kink. A sexual thing. Which it's not.

I would suggest summing up the courage to have a heart to heart with her, if she continues acting as she does.

JoAnnDallas · Post by **JoAnnDallas** » Tue Jul 14, 2009 11:02 am

Well today everything is pretty normal. I made breakfast and our daughter set the table, she pulled the pink plate out of the bottom of the stack and put it at my place

sounds like your daughter is letting you know that she not only knows but is OK with it. The fact that there has not been any hollering or such suggests that it may not be as bad as you think.

I remember back in 2005 when I first told my wife, I was a TG and a CD. She was NOT a happy camper, but at the same time she did not out and out reject it either. Then in 2007 my wife decided it was not a big deal and today we go out together with me fully dressed.

So my advise is to start a conversation with your daughter and wife. Find out how they really feel. It is the only way to clear the air.

Molly Lynn · Post by **Molly Lynn** » Tue Jul 14, 2009 5:58 pm

Without going on too long, there's a book from a daughter's perspective on her dad first as a cd and then transitioning. The author's Nicole Howey and the title is DRESS CODES. I think it's out of print, so you can look online for it. Maybe it will help.

I don't know whether you've told her you simply cd or if you consider yourself ts. But I do suggest you talk to a *qualified* therapist (not a MCSE last-year-of-college person, but someone who's worked with the cd/tg/ts community before).

I feel for you. Just remember that you're not alone.

Stephanie W · Post by **Stephanie W** » Sun Jul 19, 2009 8:53 pm

Jill

I would agree with Donna in that your daughter almost certainly knows. She is probably waiting for you to say something to her and I hope you can talk to her when the time is right. You need to speak to your wife too and let her know so she can be prepared for some further discussion. You sound very thoughtful and caring and are certainly not a bad person at all. We are who we are and always will be.

Best of luck.

Stephanie

Leeza · Post by **Leeza** » Fri Jul 24, 2009 12:51 pm

After I came out to my daughters they realized that because of my cding that I had been more recieptive to their problems and it was easier for them to talk to me than it was thier Mother.

Leeza

Bernice · Post by **Bernice** » Thu Aug 06, 2009 11:31 am

This thread is nearly a month old already, so my 2 cents may not help much.

We are who we are. We all have redeeming qualities, and yet none of us is perfect. If we don't like ourselves, then there is the potential for both good and bad. The bad potential is that we act destructively. For example, yesterday someone with low self-esteem went to a gym and started shooting and killing. As in that example case, suicide also occurs.

The good potential is that we have the ability to change. We can alter our perceptions, or we can change our behavior. Either method can bring about an increase in self-esteem. Additionally, we can sometimes find acceptance in others. This helps us change our perceptions of ourselves in positive ways. I think that is a major reason this forum exists.

I think very few of us, if given the chance to decide in advance of our own birth, would have chosen to be in such a small and misunderstood minority as are we here. It isn't easy to live life as a crossdresser. We may adapt slowly over time, and some here have adapted tremendously well. But at first, life is difficult.

When I read someone say that they are worthless, I know it is time for my speech. Nope, Jill S. is not worthless, not scum. Not even close. Jill, you may need a few hugs, and you have some contemplation to do, but dealing with the current situation is an opportunity for growth, for healing, and for acceptance. It may also help to remember that your daughter and wife also have issues, and that these issues may affect their own self-esteem.

There is no "normal". Thus, aspiring to be normal is a recipe for disappointment. Just be yourself, be honest, and be the best person you can be.

Hugs,

Bernice

Stephanie H · Post by **Stephanie H** » Wed Aug 12, 2009 9:00 pm

Based upon you introduction and the resultant actions on her part, she knows and just does not want to address the subject. If you force the issue, you might lose her..... Let her test the waters with you and you must be ready to answer all questions honestly. If you do not have an answer for a question you must not bs but indicate to her you will get one and get back to her with your answer.

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Wed Aug 12, 2009 9:04 pm

Uh? Jill!!! HELLO!!! Some of us would like the hear from you! Can you tell us what is going on with you?

Love,

Virginia

Jill S · Post by **Jill S** » Sun Aug 16, 2009 10:34 am

I'm sorry I started this post and than left you in the dark. I'm positive our daughter knows something but she seems to be digesting it slowly. I don't want to rock the boat right now by forcing it into the open, I'm not feeling very stable emotionally and my wife is having her own work related problems. I tried for the thousandth time to just make all this go away but if I don't dress or do something to escape being male several times a week I get feeling like a spring ready to break. I plan on talking with my doctor soon about all this. I'll be around but not posting for awhile.

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Sun Aug 16, 2009 8:27 pm

Thanks, Jill, you know that we are here for you.
Keep the faith, honey, you will be fine!

Love ya,

Virginia