My wife cought me crossdressing

[Carmen Roma]

Please I need your help, yesterday I got up very early to go to work and while I was getting crossdress my wife walk into the room. needless to say she was very upset. I begged her to understand, you see, she had known about it, because I told her before but she just wont accept that this is part of who I am. we had a more serene talk last night and all I could do is to let her know how much I love her and if I was gay I would had left a long time ago , we had been married for 17 years. all that she said to me was that if she ever caught me again it will be the end of our marriage. I had no answer to that but I know in my heart that even if I tried not to crossdress anymore, eventually I will do it again, if I stop like I had tried before I'll get depress and anxious. just as I am writing this, I really wish I could be dress as Carmen so I could relax a little.

[DonnaT]

Seems like talking isn't getting y'all anywhere.

Thus you'll have to be more careful at not getting caught.

Don't make any promises you can't keep. You can say 'you'll try', but not 'you will'.

Last time my wife threatened to walk out, I told her it was her choice, that I would still love her, but that I couldn't quit. I would if I could, but as she could plainly see, I can't. She stayed.

YMMV

[Carmen Roma]

Thank you Tamara, I'll use those same words and see where this will take me. I know is not over yet. for now I'm being extra nice to her. I am being a "good wife", cause I sence that she likes to be the dominant one and that is fine by me in fact I like it.

[Carmen Roma]

ups, sorry I got your name wrong! I am so sorry!
than you once again Donna.

Carmen

[KimberlyS]

Communication is key to a relationship in all areas. Hopefully things improve for you.

[Karren Hutton]

Ouch! I agree.. As long as you didn't promise to quit.. Just she doesn't want to catch you.. I'd find a different place and keep it out of the house if I were you.. At least till things calmed down. Took years for my wife to calm down after she found out.. And she told me that based on her research that I couldn't quit if I wanted to.. So I didn't promise to either... She just does not want it in her face.. Period..

[Carmen Roma]

Thank you, no I did not promised to stop, and I will be more careful next time. I think that deep down she knows that I can't change the way I am and like you say as long as she does not see me or any of our friends and family find out I will be ok.
Carmen

[Rose]

Just my humble opinion, but unlike some of the responses that advised "be more careful" or "put your stuff somewhere else", etc. I would recommend honesty. Perhaps start with marriage counseling. A counselor that will be open to crossdressing impulses/needs. If your wife says to stop (which is unfair and unreasonable for you) and you agree to it (unfair to her as you really have no intention of doing so, nor do I blame you, really), then if/when she catches you again, you will have the added issue of you being deceitful, even if you didn't actually promise to stop. That will compound the original problem and may end your marriage at that point because of lack of trust- an essential part of any marriage. Try counseling at least. It may help both of you.

Rose

[Karren Hutton]

Well honesty is great and all but it isn't the blanket sollution to everyones problems... Yeah it may set you free... Free of your family, your home, your job.... If your SO knows but doesn't want to know or participate then pushing it upon her will just send you both down the path of destruction, imho.. I'm not a proponent of out right lying but I also don't think that not telling someone a secret is not lying.. When my wife found out and asked I told her I liked to crossdress... If she had never asked I would have never told her.. Ever.. If that makes me dishonest then so be it..

[Carmen Roma]

Well, I did tell her that I can't stop being who I am and that part of the reason why I am such a caring and loving husband (so she tells me) is because I got this femenine thing in me, that makes me enjoy going out shopping with her, watch a romantic movie and not be bored and most important take care of her. Now when she caught me and was very upset she said that I needed help, maybe in the near future when the dust settles down I will bring the subject of seeking marriage counseling.
and once again thank you all,
yours truly
Carmen

[DonnaT]

Well, I did tell her that I can't stop being who I am and that part of the reason why I am such a caring and loving husband (so she tells me) is because I got this femenine thing in me, that makes me enjoy going out shopping with her, watch a romantic movie and not be bored and most important take care of her.

Did she have any response to that, or did she just listen.

[Danielle La Belle]

Hi Carmen:

I agree with “Rose.” Deception on this issue will not make things better in the long or short run. You can read about me in the thread “Revelations” and “Revelations-2.” I am headed for the divorce court after 40 years of marriage. My spouse has known about me for the past 8 years or so. She could never sit down and talk to me. She just let it all fester inside of her waiting for a major stimulus to light the fuse. That unfortunately is her “method of operation” for the past 40 years.

If your spouse can sit down and talk to you in a calm manner, that would be a start. Some people need outside help from counseling services. I think that could be helpful and go a long way by using a 3rd party that would not be judgmental or take sides. Mediation, arbitration, call it what you will, it is better than just throwing in the towel. Another point to be made here is that we have just read 7 lines of text covering 17 years of marriage. Obviously, there is a great deal of information not provided here.

I am not one to make quick judgments or assessments of another’s situation. I know better than that from my own experience. But, we all need support and consideration and we get that here on our forum. So, you really have all the answers you need. We are just here to be your support group as you make the tough choices and live with the results on a day-to-day basis.

I think that it is fair to say as a cultural group, we care about you! What do you want to do? What can you afford to do? What is best for you and your spouse? Perhaps you can share this thread with her at some point. Tell your spouse that we are here for both of you! There are many “SO’s” here that would be happy to talk with her woman to woman.

????????????

Hugs


Danielle Marie

[Carmen Roma]

Hello girls, Donna, after I told her that I was who I was in part because I am a crossdresser, she didn't say anything but I could see it in her eyes that she was listening, it was like a picture of me going inside her head. I asked her why was she willing to throw 17 years of marriage over something that I can't not change because I have tried before and failed Her expresion change after that I could see that she wasn't mad anymore and that I made some progress.
Danielle and Rose, I agree with you too I should had been honest with her since the very beggining at that time my desire to marry her was more important that my crossdressing and we have good marriage now but at least now she knows the whole truth about me I don't know where this will lead us only time will tell. meanwhile I'm glad to have find this forum and be able to express my feelings and thoughts.
thank you

[DianaRosen]

I agree with the honesty proponents here. If I had never told my girlfriend she'd not only not have dumped me if she'd found out by herself, she'd have never learned to like crossdressers. Because I was honest, there is another woman in the world who loves CDs.

Ladies, I'm sure you all agree that our biggest problem is society not accepting us. But if we let somebody forbid us to wear our clothes in our own homes, then how can we POSSIBLY expect strangers in the streets to accept us??????

I really believe that if more of us were honest, then more women would have encountered crossdressers in a positive way and that would make it altogether a more normal thing in society. This eternal hiding and secrecy is only going to make it seem more like a perversion - like a dirty secret.

If not for your own sake, then do it for the other crossdressers in the world who could all use a little more acceptance. I mean this situation:
If you tell your girlfriend/wife and she leaves you for it, then she meets another man who tells her he crossdresses, she will be more open to it, even if she wasn't in the first place. The more crossdressers they encounter, the more they'll accept them.

As long as we allow our basic human rights to be infringed in our own homes, we have no right to complain about intolerance. I know this is harsh but I believe it firmly. If wearing clothes costs someone their relationship, then it may also have ended because you aren't holding your fork properly at the dinner table.

In fact, those who hide from their partners are partially to blame for the stigma attached to crossdressing. Women who catch their long term boyfriends/husbands doing it will learn of it as a perverse secret which will forever make them hate crossdressers.

I know this steps on some toes here but many of us need some serious toe stepping. Coddling each other and patting each other's shoulder sympathetically in private anonymous forums isn't going to cut it in the long run.
Rant over.

[Gillian]

I think that honesty is the best policy. You may have to compromise on a few things, but a relationship needs openness and honesty if it is to survive. To many people want it all their own way, and that will always lead to problems.