stuck in solitude

[Anne]

I am wondering about cding as we progress on the journey. Often early on we want solitude as we are unsure, most likely don't even know own own feelings. We might feel shame or have to hide from those around us. This may be a very tough time.

But further along, when one knows more, just sitting alone in ones preferred clothing, one may become introspective. Is it enough or do I need interaction with others to validate or to reach another part of the journey? That step may be a huge leap for the closeted or the DADT. Can be rather depressing.

Thoughts on this part of the journey?

[Gillian]

Humans are social creatures, with the odd exception, so most of us want social interaction. It only makes sense to me that we as individuals would want to be accepted within our groups for who we really are. Our clothing, or outer trappings are a part of who we are, being a CD'er is part of our makeup, for whatever reason. To me it is like showing my interest in a particular sport like football. If I like football, then it only makes sense that I would want to hang out with others that enjoy that sport. So the same would also be true of being a CD'er, I would naturally want to hang out with others that did the same. We would then have to over come our fears and reach out to others of like mind. Some can over come the fear, while others do not. Message boards like this one for some of us becomes a compromise, maybe this is all part of finding our comfort zone.

[DonnaT]

Since we are all different, the need to hide, if one has that need, can come from shame or guilt; or from fear due to possible embarrassment, but not from shame of guilt.

Some prefer solitude and, even if encouraged by an SO, will never share this part of themselves with another.

Some need interaction with others to validate their trans self, while others just need to venture out of the home, to reach another part of their journey.

It all depends on what their goal is in their journey. For some the goal is stationary and for some the goal keeps moving.

[Anthony Simon]

I often have looked at my life as a sort of journey and the last few years the CDing has been particularly important in helping me find my way along that. But then it's come and gone in my life - anyway in terms of actually getting the clothes and dressing up. In terms of the thoughts it's always been there since I was a child.

So it's hard for me to think of the CDing as a journey in itself. But if it was, I guess I'd just apply the principles I do to my life in general. Like how can I spark it up if I'm stuck. And if I can't, can I get anyone else to help(maybe) - like a therapist (because I'm instinctive, I would ask myself what my instincts were and then work on the basis of them).

My CDing is uncertain in form and I'm also a reflective person. I feel the kind of "brassiness" of a lot of commercially available opportunities for being an out CD aren't going to be suitable for the vulnerable sort of persona I've got - and, at the same time, the "support group" thing somehow seems uninteresting to me. At the moment my "feminine side" seems to have an outlet in stuff I'm thinking about writing, but if I wanted to have a more physical form of expression I might have a problem.

[Absaroka]

I think it varies. I've always had a strong part of my personality that liked to be alone, and it fights with an equally strong part of me that likes company.

I really don't think I'd like to CD around people. Maybe around other CDers, but otherwise I'd feel like it was a distraction, a distancing mechanism. That's probably why I don't underdress at rehearsals or when I'm with friends.

I think for me CDing is just something I do while on the journey. But each of us has their own perspective on all of this. It's a really good thread Anne

[Anita]

Hi Anne—
It’s a good question. As Donna notes, there are some people who never seek interaction, and go on that way their whole lives. So that model definitely exists.

It all depends on what their goal is in their journey. For some the goal is stationary and for some the goal keeps moving.

You can never know which one you’ll be, either, until the urge to do—Whatever it is—begins to surface. It fascinates me to watch the different ways people go about dealing with their need to be wearing women’s clothes—because that is a common denominator we all share, whatever our motives.

Interacting seems more important if there is a female identity that goes with wearing the clothes. If there is, then she is more likely to want to get to know others, and have others know her. You can learn a lot more about who you are, by being with other people that share that part of your life. That’s a big generalization, but that’s what comes to mind.

[Absaroka]

Anita that is a really good point.

Zari

[BlonT]

Some know there goal ,and know the never reach it.
Doubt and knowing mankind is cruel is a other reason to live in solitude.
Me to old,shy and ugly but thats me.

[Ralitsa]

I've never thought of it as a journey so much as a part of myself that I am learning to know. It is relatively recently (compared to many of you ladies), only about 3 or 4 years, that I've completely accepted this part of myself. Since then I've been trying to find out what this part of myself is all about. I've learned that the clothes that I really like to see on someone else isn't always what I like to wear. I've been experimenting with different "looks" trying to find out what works for me. Maybe this is a sort of journey or maybe a form of growing up.
Of course it really makes a person reconsider how they interface with the rest of the world. I've always thought that I didn't care at all about others opinion of me, but I find now that isn't true. There are some people and instances in which I am am very concerned about others opinions. CDing has made me much more aware of other people, and I think that is probably good. I think it has also helped me to take myself less seriously.

[Kyra]

I've grown quite a bit since first discovering my love of feminine attire. My "walk of life" has certainly covered many miles. I've lived in fear of being found out, and overcome that. I've learned to share this side of my personality with those I love. I've ventured out of my home and met others like myself. I've met others who were not like me at all, and have learned how to deal with those situations. I've found that I like being around others, but there are times when I'm very comfortable in quiet solitude. I have discovered quite a bit about "me" and am quite satisfied with what I've learned.
Here's what I find interesting: For me, I consider these achievements monumental. I'm very proud of what I've accomplished. If I, however, step outside myself, they don't look much different from any other child as he/she matures. So "Growth" seems a very appropriate term. We all grow at different rates, both physically and mentally, but we never really stop.

[Anne Bonny]

I can only add that I told my wife years ago, one of my sons months ago but remain in the closet. There are alot of unrelated things going on in my life which have lessened my desire to crossdress though it is still there. I believe for those who are not fearful of shattering the wall we have built around our private lifes and who are willing accept a major shakeup of many relationships we have built up, then having to reach out and build new ones coming out of the closet would be a bold move into a freedom we have only dreamed of. I have not taken the wall down and remain in a prison of my own construction - sad isnt it....

[Mike P.]

Great answers as usual, and I agree, a lot of it depends on who you personally. I am an introvert myself, so I don't mind being alone, dressed up, but I do find that I would like to find more ways to meet others, as opposed to my usual hanging out at sports bars, which is not dressed up. Having these forums def does help. I think that since I have only been dressing more over the last few months, that I am waiting until I am more into the complete look, wig, earings, more clothing, until I try to meet others. Maybe if I was with others while dressed, I may not focus so much on the sexual aspect, watching porn when alone, and more on the social aspect, which is healthier.