My thoughts on coming out to my wife - Pandoras Box?

[Martine Amance]

JennyLynn,

You have my support. My second wife had her mental problems, something I had to deal with for 15 years. Let's just call it borderline personality although that hardly covers it. I understand, it's enough to drive you crazy, literally. Outside of divorce, not much else you can do. The major problem is that her illness eventually affects you and in a negative manner. So you make sacrifice after sacrifice, always being very protective of her. I'm not trying to be doom and gloom, just been through, that's all. Your wife may never accept your "coming out" and I grieve for you on that score. My advice is to take what pleasure you can find without her in the manner of cross dressing. Yes, you will be creating a separate world apart from her but that is inevitable if you wish to retain your sanity. It's a hard row you have to hoe. Need to speak about it, contact me. I understand what you are going through. Good luck.

[Linda]

Jennylynn,

I recently came out to my wife after 33 years of marriage, I came out for a number of reasons. I found my urge to dress getting stronger as a result of the ease of ordering things anonymously over the internet. I had ordered a pair of heels carelessly on the internet which resulted in my wife getting a letter thanking her for her order. Over the years I had worn items of her clothing and used her make up several times to the extent that I thought she must suspect something. In fact in the early days of our marriage I remember her challenging me after I had been sloppy in removing eye make up. Our sex life had been stale for a good number of years and I have always had an underlying doubt about my wife's true sexual inclination. With all this in mind and with a desire to try and resurrect our marriage and sex life I confessed to my wife that I was a cross dresser. I did this just after we had made love and of course she was shocked and asked several questions, how long and why etc. I firstly assured her I was not gay nor desired to be a woman full time. To be honest, I could not answer all her questions, I mean why do we cross dress.? I am a typical man, I have hairy legs, arms and chest, I like beer and football and I am not gay. Immediately after confessing I regretted it, I was totally embarrased. What had I done? I felt my confession was unnecessary, she did not suspect and probably would never have found out. She said she does not mind but wants no part as it would freak her out to see me dressed up. I am sorry I cannot offer any advice and I fully understand your dilemma. I love dressing up but really wish I did not have this burden and if there was some kind of magic cure I would seek it out. Since coming out nothing has improved in our sex life my wife is not very open about her true feelings and my deep suspicions remain. All I would advise is go with your instinct if your marriage is happy why upset that?

[Davita]

Linda,

All I would advise is go with your instinct if your marriage is happy why upset that?

maybe it's not that happy, after all; you thought you needed to confess. Tension and suspicion doesn't make for a wonderful condition.

Now about that coming out. Even if she's not so happy about it, you're out. Now you know where you stand. Now getting caught isn't a problem like that challenge about the eye makeup. Now you're not secretly dressing, but being discrete about it -- big difference.

So now that she knows, just let it rest and see what changes in your relationship. Maybe that gives her a reason to open up to you if she needs to. Good luck.