Am I wrong to think of myself as "Trans?"

[Anne Bonny]

I don't know any here who do not know me...there are lurkers I am sure as well as a few newbies. Ok I fit the definition of being a fluid person usually one way or the other more than presenting anything mixed. I do however groom myself as women do...shaving, plucking only enough to shape brows not to make them super thin or disappear I do like having them. I have pierced ears, longer hair which I have done at Regis every few months, I polish my toenails and take the vitamins needed so that my nails grow fast, and the C, Biotin, B3, for my hair...I do use otc minoxidil fearing some thinning of the back of my scalp with age Of course megadoses are not healthy and can be dangerous so I keep these in moderation as I am now 61. Hence my fingernails do tend to be long enough to scratch with but because I still do maintenance around here they tend to be damaged or broken if longer. My internal disposition when my softer side is up and running...probably even when not tends to be closer and identify more with women. I do not plan on transitioning...maybe facial hair removal...maybe... but As I am now in a position to live openly at home most of the time when I am here...this does tend to be who I am a lot... As with many women I do strive for a healthy balanced low calorie intake so that I am at my correct weight and I am quite fit and strong though I absolutely have no interest in bulking up because of who I am inside I would not like that at all I want to look ok in my tops and dresses.

I suppose there is no harm thinking or identifying with Trans as a descriptor in my mind but then again I think my truly trans sisters would potentially not support my claiming this to anyone... Unless they feel extending a warm hug of acceptance and inclusion of a sister like myself is ok? I do have a few trans heroines...I look to as mentors or role models for living who I really admire personally.

[KimberlyS]

I do believe you fit the Wikipedia definition of Transgender:

Transgender people are those who have a gender identity or gender expression that differs from their assigned sex.[1][2][3] Transgender people are sometimes called transsexual if they desire medical assistance to transition from one sex to another. Transgender is also an umbrella term: in addition to including people whose gender identity is the opposite of their assigned sex (trans men and trans women), it may include people who are not exclusively masculine or feminine (people who are genderqueer or non-binary, including bigender, pangender, genderfluid, or agender).[2][4][5] Other definitions of transgender also include people who belong to a third gender, or else conceptualize transgender people as a third gender.[6][7] Infrequently, the term transgender is defined very broadly to include cross-dressers,[8] regardless of their gender identity.

[DonnaT]

What drives you dress if not the part of you that is trans?

[Emily]

There are many different genders on the spectrum, and the term "transgender" can include several definitions as Kimberly had already posted. The only person who can define YOU is YOU.

[Anne Bonny]

Thanks, I posted this and then thought later "What were you thinking!?" It's well...I tend to go too far sometimes. Well Yes I know It is an umbrella term. I find like everyone else that this all started with me when I was still a child. It has been inside of who I am over my entire life. This really is who I am inside, I have this wavering that moves one way or the other while every day I know I am this way. It is not something I choose to do it is who I am. I am not able to live any other way. I look to the many who have transitioned and am in awe at how wonderful they look, and I wish I could be as they are, some are living lives at full throttle and are amazing people I look to as mentors. Yet I seem to be where I am and have always been someone who wavers still projecting a man while keeping my softer side inside myself and at home only showing openly to a very few.

Anyway you hear this term as something that has been picked up by those who have transitioned and they will openly and proudly state matter of fact at times to others..."I'm trans." I am beginning to see this in myself too and I am glad I can feel that I am not unreasonable if I take up that little banner of pride so that I can also say "I'm trans."

[Diana Michelle]

Are you wrong to think of yourself as trans? Definitely not! As Kim pointed out there are varying descriptions according Wikipedia as well as the from noted psychologists and psychiatrists. The term transgendered is misunderstood by many even those within the LGBT community. The beauty to the LGBT movement is there are no hard rules or litmus tests to membership. If you think of yourself trans within reason then you are.

[Anne Bonny]

Thanks Diane....I do like to feel I fall in here... thinking on this changes over time...I am not entirely sure having tried to tease it all out in my brain...I am coming to see myself differently than I did more recently. Unsure if other things conditioning, upbringing, etc have contributed to a confusion about who I really am...having had no choice but to be with the boys, and walk that path through life while I also covered up all that was truly going on inside of myself...so that now I am beginning to believe...that I really am a kind of strange girl inside because of all the trauma ... the things that made me keep up all the appearances over my life, and kept me in a box. How could we not be very effected and traumatized because everyone would heavily object to who we really are. No acceptance, love or understanding or support for boys like me...
I am beginning to come out of it now...and in understanding...I am becoming healthier and feeling better.

[Sarah Rene]

Are you wrong to think of yourself as trans? Yes, no and maybe. The truth is it is up to you how you think of yourself on many subjects and this one of them. As someone pointed out unlike many groups or organizations there is no litmus test for membership in the LBGT community. Now when you couple that with the widely encompassing definition of transgendered from the simple panty wearer (no offense intended there and please do not take any) to the full blown post operative individual who other than you is qualified to determine if you fall under the umbrella of transgendered?

Now if you are asking am I true transsexual to use an old term, that is an entirely different question. Part of that answer can only from within you. Then once you reach that point you need to seek the assistance a qualified professional to confirm that and discuss the best plan for your next steps. Please keep in mind just because you are a transsexual transition and surgery is not your only choice or path. Once you reach that point you and that professional can discuss potential paths and the pros and cons of each.

Now Anne to go back to your original question of are you wrong to think of yourself as trans? IMHO no. I am not a qualified professional but as one who has taken that road I feel I have some basis to judge from. Your posts indicate certain tendencies and characteristics to me and tell me yes you are transgendered. Just where exactly on that scale I have my suspicions however that is for the professionals to determine.

[Anne Bonny]

I look back over my life, and I look at every day of my life. I know who I am inside. I look in my closets and drawers and all the implements and products in my bathroom.... If I ever wonder about it this quickly brings me back to the answer, Yes, yes I am and it is undeniable. I am, I am not doing, rather what I do is because of who I am inside and it has been this way over my entire life. I am not able to live and be different, I am only able to be who I am every day.

I will say as I am as women are yet there is a bit of a tendency like breathing...phases where I feel and am much more of a woman savoring and enjoying my life gaw...it is so wonderful and right... then will come some backing away at times even while my woman is still inside wanting me to move back in her direction.... Last night removed polish from my toes, now that my earlobes are healed I do not have to wear ear rings, I can go for a time not maintaining my legs...wearing male garb...but because of this inner woman...I cannot go long before I move back in her direction in some way because I am who I am.

There are desires, and an outlook and how I want my life to be, how I want it to go....to be happy I will need understanding, and acceptance, support, and encouragement, assistance and love of someone who loves who I am inside and wants me as I am who wants to share a life with me as her person as her woman and man as what and as whoever I am because she loves me.

[Bernice]

I sometimes question the value of labels. They can and often are used to make people ultimately small (Paraphrasing a Ru Paul quote, I think).

That said, about 11 years ago my employer at the time came out with a new HR policy regarding "transgendered" employees. I got all excited and was ready to say "Sign me up!" until I discovered that by "transgendered, they meant only those who have completed SRS and had matching ID for their new gender. They did not legitimize or protect gender expression.

I've been married 42 years according to the paperwork (and even longer in my mind). I'm not ready to impose SRS on my wife. Maybe if she someday passes away before me, but now at my advanced age, the thought seems futile. SRS is a young person's alternative.

Hugs,

Bernice

[Heather W]

Labels make things easier for people to compartmentalize, not that is healthy or right. I prefer to see people as the individuals because we are complex and fit into many labels.

Bernice I know you may find it disappointing I can see your employers point. I will say they need to expand their horizons to those transitioning not limit to only those who have had surgery. IMO this is a bit of a backward and excluding policy for at least the way you describe it they are excluding the pre operative TG. They are saying "Sure come on back after you have your surgery but while you are meeting the requirements for consideration for GAS go away!"

I do however agree that once you begin transition or after surgery you should be afforded an open, non discriminatory, non confrontational workplace. That said until you reach that point I can understand them frowning on someone wearing the clothes of the other gender to work. Remember this is a place of business not to indulge fantasies. Please don't take this the wrong way but if you want to play secretary or businesswoman do it in your home office.

I work for a large multi national corporation and they had a policy concerning transition and when I came out with my plans there were several meetings with HR. They made it clear that they could not force it they would highly prefer that until I officially began my transition I retain the male façade. She did laugh though and added what I do at the department's Halloween party was between me and my conscience.

Don't get me wrong here Ladies or think I am being hard nosed or a snob. I know how many of you feel having been there myself. What I am saying is take a step back and see it from your employer's side. This is not about appeasing you or anyone else. I am sure if your employer has any form of a dress code many have objections to it or at least parts of it. However it is their game, their right to set the rules and the judge of whether you play by those rules. If you feel the rules do not fit you I am sure you are free to take your game elsewhere.

We have come a long way Ladies but we still have a long way to go. We are not going to win them all nor as quickly as we want. Take those victories we have won and cherish them but always look for the next step we can take.

[Bernice]

Bernice I know you may find it disappointing I can see your employers point.

Is there any punctuation missing there? Otherwise it appears you may feel I cannot see that employer's point. I see the employer as being in a no-win situation. This part of the country is very anti-LGBTQ. Actually, technically, I never worked for that employer - I worked as a temp onsite there, but for another corporation. It's not so easy to walk away from a job, any job, when you get as old and fat as I am. As it was, I was forced out of that position because I refused to sign a document stating that I had read, understood, and agreed with "Porcelain" without any context. I asked them to explain "Porcelain" and they refused, saying they were not lawyers. I signed a document with "Porcelain" struck out. They rejected this, telling me no modifications are allowed. I asked my lawyer about "Porcelain" and he just laughed. However, he found problems with several other documents they also demanded I sign. One in particular would have left me with virtually unlimited liability for the actions of other people. So, I'm much better off without that "employer". Sad that I had to incur $1000 in legal costs to secure my Unemployment Benefits.

I've given up all hope of ever working again. In the last two years, only vultures have rung my phone or e-mail. My retirement nest egg is shrinking a little early, but if I live modestly, I may just be OK.

Hugs,

Bernice

[Diana Michelle]

Bernice I don't know if Heather was questioning your feelings on this employer's policy or not but rather just saying she understood this policy although noting it should be expanded to those in transition. After all this is a business and that should be the first and foremost concern of the employer.

As to your situation with this company I can understand your reluctance to sign any document that does not spell out all terms at least in legalese. However more and more people who used to have "protected" jobs such as in a union or a civil service position are now finding themselves are now at will employees. I am not even going to get into a discussion on this matter however as an at will employee they are free to discharge for you any reason not protected under law such as gender, race, nationality, religious beliefs, whistle blower, etc. You are also free under that arrangement to take your skills to another employer under that same circumstance with two weeks notice or whatever notice is stated in the employee manual.

As for giving up on working again, well frankly that is the attitude of a loser and personally I don't think of you that way. There are jobs out there! Granted they may not have the income you are accustomed to but they are there. In just about every store I walk into or fast food place I drive by there are help wanted signs. Around here the starting wage for fast food is $10.50 an hour and most stores are paying above minimum wage which in Michigan is $9.25. The question to you is do you want to keep living off your retirement savings completely or are you willing to set your sights lower and at least find something which will help out with the expenses?

[Kelly]

Back to Anne's original question.

Yes: you are trans.

OK, that was blunt. I'm am basing the answer on an experience I had (what seems like) a long time ago.

It was my first or second time out in public. I was not alone, but with a friend who was basically mentoring me. Had a great time that day. We were sitting over dinner (Thi, I think) chatting and the chit chatty conversation took a left turn.

The assessment was: look Kelly, you have taken to the day like a duck to water. Your ARE transgendered. But, (there is always a but it seems ) you are not a women.

Took me a while to sort that out in my head. A long time back my auto signature talked about 'confused and conflicted', well that conversation contributed! But the message was straight forward: If you are willing to explore (and more importantly, experience and enjoy some aspect) the other side of the great gender boundary then you are trans. Don't know if this is part of some academic classification, but it seems like a damn good operational definition.

Anyway, Anne, it is really pretty simple. If your are fluid, then you are trans. No big deal. Enjoy life and be happy.

Kelly

[Anne Bonny]

Thanks Kelly, Yeah...I am! I am always thinking...and this morning I was thinking Hey! You need to stop thinking of yourself as this side and that side...stop with the labels...just stop all of that completely. It's True people talk about how we use terms and labels or try to define with definitions or try to see ourselves as divided... That is insane! Nobody does that! Sometimes I desire dressing up and being pretty, and sometimes I go in another direction but...I am the same person I always am! I am the same as anyone else and have this natural ebb and flow it comes moment to moment morning to evening, day to day. I like girl things...unfortunately when I have to go mow the lawn I move into grubby guy work clothes and that mode because I will be getting hot filthy and soaking wet with sweat and no one would distinguish me from any other guy. When I have been getting out with women messaging and getting out at local Facebook group events and communicating with some women I find this does bring out my masculine ... and if I am around women and any potential is there it has my masculine rising so that my feminine declines...don't or am not interested in anything fem as far as dressing having color on my toes ear rings in but I do believe because I am as I am...this natural ebb and flow will always exist in me. I hope I am lucky enough to find a woman I am attracted to who not only does not mind but finds a guy who is fem and wears a dress now and then to be intriguing and attractive for her. So, I am going to stop thinking I have this side and that side...because there is no side there is just me. Instead I am a complex person and how I feel is no different than it is for anyone else changes, moods, emotions, desires...what I may be doing today or tomorrow or this afternoon...will be different but no matter how I feel or what I look like It is still me in the fabulous dress behind this make up and in these heels and It's still me dressed to run looking every bit the average male runner, It is still me in casual dress going out as a male and it is still me as I sit here in my favorite sundress and flips...

I am not a split person it is always me even when my feelings, emotions and desires and appearance changes.

Transgender, Trans...whatever...yeah if this has to be talked about...yeah Ok yep...I am transgender or trans....ok...