Being A Lady.

[VickiCD]

Hi all.

Let’s look at what it means to be a lady. Our wives are all lovely ladies, and we who are CDs all try to emulate them when we are cross-dressed. But what exactly is each of us trying to achieve? What is a lady?

My definition of a lady as applied to the transgender community is anyone who develops the capability to emulate societies’ concept for the actions, dress, manners, speech and mannerisms of refined women in polite society. I believe the underlying principle for every action of a lady is no different than for the deeds of a gentleman, and that principle is The Golden Rule.

Building on The Golden Rule, a lady is always kind and gentle in her demeanor. She is strong without being threatening. Most often, she asserts herself and, achieves her goals without being overtly aggressive. Wherever possible, she is pleasant and avoids offending those with whom she interacts.

Her clothes, hair and makeup express her individuality, while at the same time blending well with other ladies in her community. All of her movements are fluid, never jerky. When she sits her knees are together, and except when reaching, she keeps her elbows close to her sides.

Her voice is soft and melodic, and as she speaks she varies the pitch, rather than the volume when she wants to add emphasis to the words she is speaking. She rarely, if ever, resorts to using profanity or vulgar expressions. She is polite and seeks to influence others by seeking their concurrence rather than by being dogmatic. Society permits her to express more emotionality than her male counterparts, but she rarely loses control.

Each of us is very much aware that all of the above and so much more is part of being a lady. We who are CDs start way behind our wives and significant others, who have been immersed in their roles since birth. However, by following their example and taking full advantage of any coaching they offer, each of us can learn the skills for being perceived as a lady. First, we have to develop a passable image. Then we must learn to sustain it for every minute that we are dressed.

Love

VickiCD

[Kay(SO)]

Vickie,

In reading your post and description of what a lady is, all I could think of was a woman from the 1800's, a lifetime ago. I imagined this gal sitting at a tea with other women, her collar buttoned up to her chin, gloves and hat on, dress down to the floor (God forbid she should show any skin), all of the whispering. If you've ever seen the movie Titanic, there's a scene where the ladies are having tea and this fits my visual perfectly, regarding what you wrote. No offense but I think yours and other CD'rs idea of what a lady is, is a bit twisted and definately not as most modern GG's view as what a lady is.

I consider myself every bit a lady, yet I don't fit the mold you describe here. Donna Reed and June Cleaver would be more the role models for what you described. Todays "ladies" are different than when we grew up and looked to our mother's as role models.

I especially found this part interesting, where you wrote: All of her movements are fluid, never jerky. When she sits her knees are together, and except when reaching, she keeps her elbows close to her sides.

This describes the Stepford Wives. Today's women barely wear skirts or dresses, walk quickly usually because we have so much stuff to do therefore we don't glide and move fluidly, we don't pay attention to whether or not our knees are together half the time and NEVER keep our elbows close to our sides. Perhaps this is why so many CD'rs don't look "natural" when presenting? I constantly work with my husband on how he carries himself. He gets all stiff and can't just loosen up, there fore doesn't look natural at times. I tell him to forget about the preconceived notions of how he thinks he's supposed to walk and carry himself and to observe other women. He's gotten better at it by looking at today's women.

This part was interesting too: a lady is always kind and gentle in her demeanor.

What does gentleness have to do with being a lady? Today's ladies are a different breed.
I understand the point of your post was to flatter GG's by sharing that you want to emulate us and for other CD's to follow that lead and take the advice we offer.

Here's the best advice I can offer any of you. The greatest form of flattery would be for you all to get real. If you want to emulate us, then emulate today's real women. Not the women of yesteryear. Wear slacks, sweats or some of our everyday wear. We don't wear pumps, dresses, lingere, or evening gowns. Who has time to?? We don't make ourselves up to hilt unless it's a special occasion and many of us don't polish our nail because we know when we're scrubbing it's going to come off anyway.

My husband and I are leaving for Vegas in a few days. We usually spend part of our trip with him dressed. This will be the first time I've been able to get him to wear a pair of capris, top and casual sandals. He usually dresses up. I expressed to him that we just don't look like that unless we're going out in the evening and that if he wants to "blend" as he says, then he needs to look for like the average woman.

Today a lady could be better described as a woman who takes care of herself as much as she does others. She is independent yet values the partnership of marriage or a long term relationship, she has confidence, esteem and it shows when she walks into a room, no matter what she's wearing. She's sexy in a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt, she can handle problems that she faces diplomatically, she yells and even swears on occasion, she nurtures, is loving, is communicative, open and feminine no matter what she has on. She's a master in the boardroom and the bedroom and most of all, she doesn't put up with BS from anyone.

Come out of the dark ages gentlemen. Even the women you see that look like perfect ladies as you see them walk down the street, do not look that way all the time. They can't. We have too much on our plates to deal with to carry ourselves that way all the time and it would take too much energy.

Of course, this is just my opinion.

Kay(SO)

[Celia]

Implicit in the terms lady and gentleman is the idea of nobility. We're all well aware that one can leave an impression of nobility without being noble, and be noble without leaving an impression of nobility. A woman who is noble is a lady; a man who is noble is a gentleman.

We see ostensible nobility all the time, but true nobility we only rarely glimpse: it doesn't mug for the camera. If we crossdressers have only a superficial understanding of what it is to be a lady, it's perhaps understandable: for those whose experience of it is secondary (and even, arguably, for those whose experience of it is primary), femininity is a great challenge in its own right, but it can be learned and, ultimately, become second nature; nobility is always difficult.

As I've said elsewhere, the armor of the true knight shines no more than necessary: he's too busy. It is from the mud that the lotus grows.

Yours,
Celia

[Gelinda]

On a sidebar to this same line of thinking, Why is it so wrong to call someone a ladies or madam at work. I have been talked to or warned at work that I can't do that. Well, I was brought up doing it and I am very bad with names so I use Madam and Lady a lot. What is so wrong with it, how is it sexual harassment. Gee.

[Virginia]

Kay,
I guess you took a lot of us to the wood shed today! Granted, women today do have a lot on there plate and if in having that "cross to bear," carries over to actual appearance, I guess we all have a lot to learn. We as CD'ers do try an emulate (what our individual vision) of a GG - dare I say- should be??!! I just have to take exception with the physical appearance aspect. If I go to the mall and observe, I am saddened by what I see from most GG's. Now I am not referring to the below 25 set, but the 30+ GG's. It just looks like they just don't care how they look in public. Granted the jeans and T-Shirt/sweatshirt is easy and perhaps comfortable, but my gosh! fix your hair, spend a bit of time on your make-up. If looking like you just fell off a tractor at a pig farm is the 'new woman" then I guess I will be outed more often for dress-code violations than structural appearance. As always your and your sisters (SO's) is just plain "Golden" and you really help us see both sides, even if this dumb blonde may not agree with everything you say! WE love ya!!!!
Deborah

[GalicianGirl(SO)]

Way to go Kay!!!!!

I have nothing more to add, you said it all so well...

I'm with you 100% on this one!!!!!

[Loretta Ann]

Hi Kay.

You and some of the other SOs here provide a wonderful balance to this forum. I have not participated in these kinds of discussions, because what you said I believe needed to come from a SO.

I just could not understand how the integration of the two genders to make a more complete person could include such a thing as has been suggested here and some of the other threads that I have read. I have always thought that this sort of thing was leaning to wards a more complete Gender change.

I think for many of us it is a fantasy, and I think that explains why some of us tend to think that way. I also see it as an attempt to perhaps over compensate, unconsciously I believe hoping to try and put the best possible face to the public in order to not be read. Although I agree that for many CDers their view of a woman is far from reality.

I have read posts where the CDer has said that he worships women and wants to be just like them. I believe that kind of a person is out of touch with reality. What he is worshiping is a fantasy that has become an idol. He fails to realize that women are no more perfect than men. in fact some of them can become very nasty, some are murders. Not to much different than some men. Go figure?

Having said that I have to agree with my Sister (Hi Sis) that there are some women who present themselves disgustingly, and I am not talking about provocative. I mean I have seen some who dress in mens clothing and look sloppy and absolutely terrible.

[Beauty]

Well,

I started to post and say,"Those aren't the women that I emulate." Then Kay posted so I think I'll just shush as she said it all and has GG privileges (right of passage)/

You're right though Kay. Vicki was trying to say it as a compliment.

I think it's ok if that's his vision of femininity though because there are women out there who are like Vicki talked about. They aren't June Cleaver, but they do do things similar.

As far as dressing goes. I try to wear more slacks these days. I don't wear hose as much either. I am still in a quest for my first pair of femme jeans. I do respect that it was my CD'ing maturity that took over though. I didn't want to, but like women have other girls telling them, "Time to grow up." We have you (our SOs) to tell us. Some girls don't listen (makeover shows) and some CD's don't listen either.

Regardless! Great topic.. GREAT topic!

Beauty

[Love (SO)]

I agree with Kay also!!!!

I just have to take exception with the physical appearance aspect. If I go to the mall and observe, I am saddened by what I see from most GG's. Now I am not referring to the below 25 set, but the 30+ GG's. It just looks like they just don't care how they look in public. Granted the jeans and T-Shirt/sweatshirt is easy and perhaps comfortable, but my gosh! fix your hair, spend a bit of time on your make-up. If looking like you just fell off a tractor at a pig farm is the 'new woman" then I guess I will be outed more often for dress-code violations than structural appearance.

Having said that I have to agree with my Sister (Hi Sis) that there are some women who present themselves disgustingly, and I am not talking about provocative. I mean I have seen some who dress in mens clothing and look sloppy and absolutely terrible.

Deborah & Darlene,

Did you get a look at the men these women were with?

Did it look like these men took pride in their appearance?
Where these men dress neatly & nicely?
Were their clothes clean and pressed?
Was their hair freshly combed neatly?
Did it look like they took a shower recently?
Did they have a belt on to hold their pants up so no "crack" showed?
Were their hands and finger nails clean?
Did they take the time to tie their shoes?
Were you able to get a count on the holes in their jeans?

I sometimes wonder if "some" men even own a mirror.....

I'm not talking about all men (and certainly not mine, of course)
But, I do go to the mall as well, and I see many women and men, I think far more many women take pride in their appearance than most men do.
Sorry, but, I do think it goes both ways, why is it always on the woman to have to look her best at all times, and not the same for the man?
How would the woman feel all dressed up, and her man beside her looking like he just finished working on the car engine?
I don't think many would want to be gettting all primed, if their men don't take the time to do it either.

[Loretta Ann]

Hi Love SO.

One of the woman that I am talking about, I sometimes see two or three times a week. She always has her daughter with her, and I have never seen her with a man.

And she is a woman in mens clothing not mens clothing made for women. There is a difference. I have never seen a man in womens clothing present themselves that way.

Yes there are far more men than women who do not present themselves properly. Is that an excuse for others (man or woman) to follow suit?

[Virginia]

Wow, Love, "Back to the Wood shed - huh!!!??" Bless you, you make a good point. Being somewhat new to this as an observer, I can honestly say, I can recall only a couple of time when at the mall or in a store that I even noticed a guy with the lady(ies) I happen to be observing. You girls are so much better at overall critiques than most of us are, clean nails, neat, pressed pants?? Sorry, I just am not into "guy watching" but I will now at your suggestion. I posted a while back that I was walking out of a movie, I had on a knee length, somewhat tight gray skirt and a nice red silk blouse with 3" heels and some lady, probably in late fourties or so called me a "slut!" I have gone over that comment several times since then and in visualizing the crowd there most were women and all had on "comfortable clothes", i.e., slacks, jeans, sweatshirt-type pull overs, in other words, none were "dressed" as nice as I was. I did not consider myself to be (word) "sexily" dressed but nicely dressed. As I posted earlier, I guess if I get outed it will be for "dress-code violations and not physical structure." Sorry, but I ain't gonna dress down just to fit in. I will not embarrass my sisters, by dressing like a "slut." But I will wear my nice skirts and blouses and do my make-up as best I can.
Thanks ever so much for you input, guess you just are not gonna get through to this dumb blond!, but I still love ya!!
Deborah

[Virginia]

Oh, I just remembered a "cartoon" I saw once, the description loses something in the translation, but it is at a very formal party and a tall absolutely georgeous woman is standing there with a hugh diamond necklace and at her side is this harrard, short, ugly old man about 150 years old holding her hand. She saying to someone" "Why yes, this is the fabled Mount More Diamond - and this (pointing to the little old man) is the curse that goes with it!"
Love,
Deborah

[Beauty]

LOL!