Feeling more 'femme' in drab mode?..

[KarenW]

This is a strange one. I dress mostly in the house a few times a week if possible. Sometimes, but not all, I actually find myself enjoying the experience more when I am in drab out of the house and thinking back to it than when the dressing was actually going on.

Then there are times when I am in a social situation and feel more femme in drab mode than I did when I was dressed en femme inside the house. Especially when around other men.
If I 'underdress' in public, I am totally more complete, social ,confident in my interactions with others, co-workers, etc. Just completelly chipper, flirty, positive.
When underdressed I don't seem to worry nearly as much about discovery, someone making an anti-CD remark and it setting me off. I am completely relaxed and at ease about my CDing and feel at these times, who cares, I could admit it to anyone and not care about what they thought.
If not underdressed, the feeling is totally opposite. I feel dominated by it, insecure about it, and overtly flustered about any subject matter that may come up about CDing.

That being said, does this make any sense to you, lol.

[Loretta Ann]

That being said, does this make any sense to you, lol.

Hi Karen,

I can not relate to much of that. Interesting though.

Darlene.

[Mary Jane Thomas]

Karen

yes, yes, yes.

for me I have the same experience. If I am in touch with MJ, then I am happier and better adjusted. In other words, if I have dressed at home a few days in a row, I feel better about myself. I go out into the world confident about who I am and that does not have to have anything to do with what I am wearing.

What is more important here, the clothes or the feelings? I know my heart says the feelings are what's important. And not to jump to conclusions, but for me the problem is the holding back of MJ. Clothes are a way to bring her back. But the essence of her is not restricted or even mainly about clothes.

My hope is to integrate MJ permanently into who I am. If that involves clothes, fine. If not...hmmm. Not sure

Anyway, thanks for your post. It is nice to share similar feelings

MJ

[Joanna_S]

Hi Karen!

Interesting topic! I must say I sometimes feel almost the way you described. A few times when in drab I´ve felt like I feel when en femme. I´ve forgotten that I was not dressed as Joanna but noticed that my behavior and feelings somehow changed for a second. It´s hard to describe When I underdress it´s like wearing an armor. I´m more social, empathize easily with people and feel a lot less stressed at work.

Joanna

[Virginia]

Girls!!!!! You are experiencing THE GIFT!!!!!!!!!!! That is what a lot of us are about!!! For some of us the dressing is great! It is a fantastic feeling, but it becomes secondary to how we interact with other people primarily when "en drab."!!! The ability to actually listen to what others are saying, not waiting for them to shut-up so we can put our two cents in. To actually respond in an empathic way, to sincerely care about what others feel, and one of the most amazing things I have found and (I am trying to make this a natural part of me) to simply reach out and physically touch another person while you are conversing with them, the results are unbelieveably satisfying not only to you, but you can so sense their positive response to you - now you know I don't mean in a sexual way, but in a way that says, I see you, I recognize you as a fellow human being, I like being here with you. For GG's it seems to come so natural, and that is one of the things I am desparately working on -- to make it come more naturally to me and given the repsonses I get it is wonderful!
Try it!!! You'll like it!!!!
Virginia

[Beauty]

Hi Karen,

That's wonderful. It sounds like a very fulfilling life for you. That's the important part!

Beauty

[JoanieC]

Hi Karen-

Yes, it makes sense to me. I underdress every day and it really makes me feel good in male mode. Some times the little things like that, what earrings I'm wearing, and having painted toes help me be relaxed, reduce stress, and feel good during the day too.

Thanks for sharing!
-Joanie

[KarenW]

I feel like I'm such a better person when I underdress. Its like I'm able to be more socila and extroverted. I become much more confident about the CDing itself, and I am much more talkative to people.

Its different if I'm wearing boxers. I often think about and am tormented by the femme side. People can say the wrong thing about it and it'll set me off completely. I guess the solution is, more underdressing!!

I just wish I could bring 'em the whole package,lol!!

[Anita]

Hi Karen--
That's interesting to me. I often feel the femme feelings while in male clothing. But underdressing does not add anything to this at all, and I have not understood it.

For me, the outer female clothing reinforces my femme behaviors, whatever they are. Underdressing does nothing for these behaviors. I know this because sometimes I do underdress out of necessity; I'll be performing later in the day, and I wear pantyhose and sometimes a bra under male clothing. For me, it just creates a kind of confusion. I don't feel much of anything about the situation at all, because I'm neither/nor. I think it gets to me because I feel a little of Anita, but not enough to really bring her out.

And it's odd that I sometimes feel the femme behavior very strongly without a hint of female clothing on, and I can act it out, without that confusion. My Anita side is coming through, and acting through a male presentation. It feels very natural when it happens, and it doesn't seem to set off gender alarms in those around me.

But put a bra on underneath male clothes, and I just get sullen. It messes with my head!

[Beauty]

Hi,

What I love about this thread is it shows SOs here what a CD'r feels like when they wear women's clothes. This is a really a line showing someone who's curious if their SO is a CD'r or someone who is thinking of going further. My therapist told me in my last session. CD'rs feel complete when they don female clothing (viewable or not) and are able to express themselves. When those who are TS's dress it's more of a kind of uncomfy feeling when doing the same thing.

So please take notes. I'm so proud of those who say they under dress and how femme they feel. That's really wonderful and I hope you embrace those feelings. They are so good. I'm not saying that gets you automatically out of the going for more bucket (not going to be more than a CD'r), but I am saying you should feel like it's a good sign that you enjoy crossdressing only and won't venture much further down the TG'd path.

I'm proud of all of you and I'm proud of people like myself or even Anita, with a variance of the way I feel. For the most part though I feel a little different when I apply this to myself. I didn't always feel that way though. For me undressing used to be symbolism for the way I felt in life. I was undressing, but at the same time I was doing the same thing in life. What you thought you saw isn't who you were seeing at all. Soon though my psyche realized I didn't need to dress to express that, but it sure helped me get to where I am now. The difference in some of these descriptions though is that encompass a feeling of bliss or freedom that I didn't feel. Some of these feelings associate a state of mind with feeling good and that's wasn't a luxury I ever felt. However I feel it's so glorious that other people are arriving at their destinations mentally. You are almost complete in your TG'd self. There's good news when you get there you can start dealing with life in a more enlightening, fulfilling, and complete way than before. My journey is a few towns away, but I too can't wait to get there and come back to be complete like you.

We all can help each other with this kind of openness and honesty. I hope more people post here because this is the kind of unique support we can give each other without even knowing how therapeutic it is for the reader and the poster.

You're all so wonderful!!!

Beauty

[KarenW]

There is surely a journey going on, that ebbs and flows and changes all of the time. But underneath it all, the basic need to CD still remains with me at 40.
My thing is dealing with hurtful and hate filled comments of others about 'men in dresses'.

It's bound to come up, and for some reason I seem to have surrounded myself with a batch of friends and co-workers who cannot accept it in any way fashion or form. How do you all deal with all of the hate in the world without being affected by it in negative ways?

I wish I was one of those folks who could give a rats behind about what people think of them, but alas, I am not. Call it upbringing (my mom was VERY much into "keeping up appearances"). I musta' got it from her.

For instance, today I answer this speaker phone at work, and the guy on the other end spoke in an almost falsetto voice. One of my co-workers asked with this disdainful, confused look on his face, 'is that a man or a woman !?', and shook his head in disgust. Like it made a difference. Unfortunately, I am yet to fully embrace the concept 'judgement only defines the person making it'.

I let something that small get to me. Because I know had I not diffused it and not really responded he would have gone further, (he has in the past berated all men who would dare to don female attire).
This seems to be all I ever get. Its like the whole world is against me. How does one not come out of that feeling hopeless?

And it goes to show my point, had I been underdressed (which I was not today), that comment would have rolled right off of me. I may have even come out to him right then and there with no fear. That is too strange.

Questions comments observations welcome.