Coming out

[Katy-Jane]

Hi all,

just wanted to let you all know how much these posts have helped me over these past few days, I can't thank you all enough. I'm so pleased Trisha that you have found the story of my journey (so far) helpful, and I wish you well in your own. Hopefully you have seen the wonder of this site, and this "gift", from the girls and SO's who have posted, not just on this thread, but on so many. Without my CDing, I would not have to go through many of the things that hurt me so profoundly, but I would also have never discovered the care, warmth, and humanity that has been shown to me by everyone on this forum. When I read what is written, I feel a glow inside like a re-assuring arm around me. I'm sure that you do too, and if you need to PM, you know just where to find me.

Tonight has been a good evening I think, because we didn't discuss CDing at all, and things were really kind of, well, normal I suppose. I feel a little re-assured now that the intensity has gone away, even just for little while, and also at some of the poitive things I've read here. If I understand you all correctly, it seems that there is not yet any reason to despair, that there is a least a fighting chance that things will be OK.

As for me, my attitude to myself has begun to change a little recently, in as much as I have promised myself that I won't apologise for who I am any more. It seems as though I am developing the strength to still be proud of me, all of me, and without needing to be "in your face" about it. I mentioned this to my SO, not really knowing what to expect, and she seemed to be pleased about it. Perhaps my being ashamed just teaches other people that they too should be ashamed of me?

As for dressing with my SO around, I would love it if she were curious (not least becasue she is fantastic with make-up!), but I would definately want her to ask to meet KJ, not for me to suggest it. If it never happens, that's fine too.

I think that almost all of us fear losing our guy. Not that ya'll will leave us, but that somehow *she* will take *him* away.

I was fascinated to read what you wrote there Georgia, because I have sometimes thought of KJ as "the other woman", even though, as you are rightly aware, she is always there inside me, and I certainly don't feel like two people, I always wondered if it could be viewed from that angle, and it seems that it can.

see you all soon,

hugs,
KJ

[Georgia(SO)]

Good. I'm glad to know that ya'll had an actual evening without discussing CDing. It is, after all, not the only thing in your lives. In fact, if that's all you have talked about for more than a week, ya'll really need a break from it.

Gardenia(SO) may have overstated my acceptance of CDing. I don't enjoy it, and I doubt I ever will. I just accept that it is not going to change, that there's nothing wrong with it, that it doesn't make him a freak. And frankly, while I often feel left out because he prefers this to be solo and his femme side is interested in men, I doubt seriously I would enjoy it if he were frisky with me while dressed. I might go along, but it would never be a major turnon. Finally, as we have pointed out, there are days that it is a non-issue and there are days that I don't like it at all.

RE: Gardenia's suggestion of going slowly in dressing in front of an SO. I don't know how to say this without being blunt, but seeing a man (especially *your* man) presenting as a woman is pretty jarring. Most certainly startling if you aren't expecting it. My guy started by letting me know that he was wearing panties under his jeans. Then he moved to letting me hug him and feel the bra under his shirt (he doesn't use forms). Eventually, he has this little knit tank dress that he wears often - no makeup, (his hair is long and he doesn't wear wigs). I don't even notice that little dress anymore. We haven't gotten to the point of him being fully dressed in front of me. I walked in on him once and he freaked out and ran into the bedroom. I also walked in on him once wearing lipstick and I want to prepare you for this - the first reaction is to just stare. Yes, we all know it is impolite, but that's what happens.

I have thought that if he were ever comfortable being dressed in front of me, that I would like to see him make the transformation. Perhaps it wouldn't be so jarring that way, although other SOs I have talked with said that the transformation to femme is ok, but the transformation back is decidedly unnerving.

Ya know, I gotta tell you - if she hasn't run screaming yet, chances are good she won't. She's most likely having trouble with the whole idea - not with you personally. Take a deep breath. And thanks for validating my sense that sometimes the femme self does seem like "the other woman".

-g(so)

[Katy-Jane]

Hi Georgia,

thanks for letting me further into what it feels like as an SO. It is fascinating, and of course helps me to understand how things are from "the other side" of things. I have to say, I had never thought about the transformation back, and how it would feel to witness that, always concentrated (predicatably I guess!) on the transformation to.

Deep breath taken, and thanks again,

KJ

[Trisha]

I don't mean to hijack KJ's thread, but I need to add a huge thank you to all of you for posting here and replying to me.
I am considerably further behind KJ in this journey and the insight gained is a great help.

Thanks and Hugs to all of you
Trisha

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Also at the risk of thread drift, I wanted to thank both Georgia and Gardenia for their insights.

Georgia I'm sure it's hard to feel left out. As far as him not wanting you to watch, it sounds like he's not entirely comfortable about his own CDing -- but he may also be afraid you'll critque how he does his makeover. Irrational I know. But we CDs have bought into the beauty myth as much as most GGs have, and we've usually got much further to achieve the "ideal." (BTW, that's one reason we take so long, plus most of us don't do our make-up every day, so we just don't have the practice.) So we're also insecure about our looks. I think the fascination with mirrors and photos isn't just the vanity, but also the insecurity -- we're looking for proof that we really are pretty and not just seeing what we're hoping to see.