A lot has been going on in my life these days. I'll spare you the lurid details (
) but I'll tell you this much: it's resulted in my boss asking me to take a couple of months off in order to do what I need to do to get my "head back on straight" (and this would explain why I've been on the forum a little more often lately, in case you were wondering).Well, with the help of my friend Carole, I set myself up a "to do" list of things that may be helpful to me. One of those things is "find a therapist with experience in gender issues." Done (I'll be seeing him once a week, starting next Friday). Another thing is to "try to fix my financial woes." Still working on that one. I expect things'll start running a little more smoothly come January.
Finally (and this was suggested to me by quite a few people in my entourage, my boss included), "getting myself into a 'mini' RLE." Now, I know that Real Life Experiences (living in one's preferred gender for a sustained length of time) are usually associated with the lot or prerequisites and requirements transsexuals face before obtaining the green light for sexual reassignment surgery. But this isn't really what I'm thinking about (in the sense of it being a prerequisite to anything else in my life). Plainly, starting this weekend, I plan on dressing up, and living, as a woman for an entire week so that I can get some sense, some feeling, of what my deepest heart wishes for. Because, I'll be honest, right now I'm sort of confused about who and what I am. If I can do this, I'm hoping that it'll become clearer to me what I truly long for as far as my gender identity is concerned (along with the way in which I intend to express that identity in the future).
In fact, I started today. I put all my boy clothes away and vowed to wear nothing but women's clothing for a week and to try to pass as a woman for most of that week. This morning, my roommate, Marie, booted me off the computer so that she could do her schoolwork; I took the opportunity to do my toenails (trimmed, buffed, and polished--base and top coats included) and pluck my eyebrows (ouch! double-ouch!). I took a shower and then did what one of my ex-GF's used to do: I dressed in fairly plain outerwear (slacks and ruffled blouse) but underneath, it was all sexiness--black lace bra and matching panties, garter belt and sheer black stockings. I was dressed in women's clothing but I wasn't trying to pass as a woman (no makeup, no feminine hairstyle, no feminine jewelry).
Anyway, in the middle of the afternoon, my friend Carole came to pick me up and we went boot and shoe shopping. The place was a madhouse (brand name discount outlet) but I did get to try on many pairs of high-heeled boots (with my stockinged pretties glinting redly through the nylon). I didn't draw that many stares--people (mostly women, natch) were much too busy sorting through the mountains of footwear to notice (although I think I did catch the eye of a few teenage girls trying to stifle a giggle or two). Carole, for her part, just laughed openly at my "abysmal" taste in boots (three-inch heels, soft vinyl, side zippers, knee height, pointy toes, etc.). I told her, though, that I was also looking for a pair of "wearable" ones, too, not just "fantasy" ones. Eventually, I did find a pair that I love but, oh irony! they're men's winter "walking" boots (and I needed a new pair, regardless). That was my only purchase, unfortunately.
Tomorrow, I'll start with the "trying to pass" phase of my "mini" RLE. I've sorted through and organized my entire wardrobe (as it turns out, I have about three times more women's clothes than I do men's
). My own hair is now long enough that I was toying with the idea of getting it femininely cut and styled in the salon where I had my eyebrows waxed last month. But that just seems too "involved" for me right now. Then again, I just might, early in the coming week. I'll have to see how I feel about it.I've talked it over with Marie. She did have a bit of trouble adjusting to what she saw when she saw me dressed back in early September. We've known each other for 25 years; we were partnered throughout much of the 80's so she's obviously okay with the fact that I'm a crossdresser. Or so she thought. Now, she's realizing that this is a much more pressing and, well, "urgent," part of me than she had previously realized. She says (and I believe her) that she'll get used to it, in time (seeing me crossdress more regularly, that is). She loves me; she cares about me; and she wants me to be happy. So she's ready to support me this week in my RLE. She just made me promise not to go sauntering down the street in full drag queen regalia. Moi? I would never do that! She wants me to try to blend in and is willing to offer constructive criticism to that end. And I accepted.
It's sort of funny, this situation with Marie. She's not my SO but, well, sometimes she acts as though she is. Even Carole (who's a friend to us both) said that we sometimes behave as though we were an old married couple.
Anyway, I think I'm gonna fun this week. I plan to go out a few times--both in the daytime and at night--for a coffee or drinks and shopping and groceries (and, yes, I'm thinking of maybe going to the therapist en femme as well). Things should be fine. I hope. Maybe. (The reality of living as a woman for a week is pretty damn scary, I'll admit.) Wish me luck, all of you!
Love,
CJ
I'm here if you'd like to talk with another (third-party?) GG - at any time, and you know you can IM me, too. 
Proud Military Family - Navy, Army, Coast Guard, National Guard 
Is that RL? Should be. 
Today, it seems as though I spent the entire day getting ready. Well, okay, not quite the entire day. But close. I had to do a few last minute purchases, like glue-on nails and razor blades. I knew I wasn't going anywhere tonight but I've made a few plans for Wednesday and Thursday--clubbing and "coffeeing up" with a couple of friends and colleagues. I plan also to just do a bit of plain old grocery shopping during the day early in the week and I'm trying to work up the nerve to go see Rita, the local hairdresser (the one who waxed my eyebrows last month). Maybe when I make an appointment (uh, if I do), I should also let her know that "Christina" will be coming, not Daniel (she's seen an 8½ x 11 of my avatar already). Really, I don't think I'll be doing anything out of the ordinary, anything that's totally different from my usual routine; I'll only be doing things en femme, is all. I'll try to give you a day-by-day account at the end of each day.
Christina out and about for a week! 
