I need some sdvice - Dad found out and is NOT Happy about me

[Bubba A.]

Can some one help me? My dad found out that I wear women's clothes and is not happy. In no uncertin terms I have been told to either see a shrink (which I will not due, because there is nothing wrong with crossdressing) or get out. (I have no place to go). this was a couple of months back. Up until an month ago nothing was said then one day all of my women's clothes and body wash was on my bed with a note that said this behivor is not accepetable in this house. Please get help.... I was told to give my women's clothes to the goodwill, which I did to keep the peace. I still have not seen a shrink or left the house.....
What is a "girl" to do????


PS. Sister knows that i am gay and a cd does not care. Mom knows i am a cd but do not how she feels she seems sometimes to just go along with dad.....

[DonnaT]

Don't know if your dad will read it, but there is some info that may be helpful at http://www.dcchildrens.com/dcchildrens/ ... guide.aspx

You may wish for your mother to read it first.

How old are you Bubba?

[Bubba A.]

I am 24 turning 25 on 30 May. No parents will not read this post, they do not know I belong to this Forum....

[DonnaT]

Bubba, I meant that your mother should read what is available on the website I posted a link too. Print it out and have a sit down chat with her.

Even though you are going on 25, some of what is there may be of help with respect to your position. Your mother may be able to keep your dad from having you move out.

Probelm is, at your age, your dad can do what he wants, and unless you two can come to some understanding about your needs, you'll either have to abide by his rules or move out.

[Paulie]

Donna's right....

You're in a tough situation right now, and as long as you're living under their roof, you'll have to abide by their rules.

I'm fairly certain that you have a long road in front of you to change your Dad's view on this.

I would suggest finding a place of your on, and work on your family over time.

Good luck!

[Danielle La Belle]

Dear Bubba A.

Frankly, I would like to be easy on you but anyone can do that. I empathize with you and your current situation.

There are two sides to this as in any coin. Your side of course, and your father's side. We will not include anyone else for now.

If your father is of the type that does not flex well over issues, that “this is my house and you do what you are told,” then frankly, you should have thought about this before you indulged yourself in your fem personality.

Hold on now! Relax! You mention that you are “Gay.” Does your father know this? You need to sort out the issues. CD is one thing. Gay is a second issue separate from the CD issue. Today’s society knows pretty much that people are “Gay” not by choice but rather, by design. If you father is against any combination, depending on your mother’s position in the ruling class of the family, there may be an end run that you can do with her to keep things on track.

The question really is simple. Is dear old Dad flexible or not? Does he come from a previous family that was very rigid? My spouse is a “Mountain” gal so I have some serious experience with this type of thinking.

Before I say anything else, with 36 years of marriage experience, I need to know a bit more on the family’s makeup and your ability to support yourself in the near future if need be.

Hugs

Danielle Marie

[Dixie Darling]

Bubba,

Being gay and being a crossdresser are two SEPERATE issues. Oddly enough, it's more socially acceptable nowadays to be gay than it is to be a crossdresser. Even the gay community doesn't understand crossdressers any more than we understand ourselves.

The other respondents to your post are correct, however. As long as you are residing in your parents house you are obligated to abide by their rules. You have told us that your SISTER knows that you are a crossdresser AND that you are gay. Your parents are now aware that you like to wear women's clothes, but are they aware of your GAY side also? If not then you have only one issue to be concerned with them (at least at the current time) and it's easier to try to deal with this one isuue than to compound the situation by also including another which is also very controversial.

It's just a hunch, but it seems that your mother might be the "gateway" to get to your father. If this is the case then you might want to approach ONLY your mother (in private) and try to educate her about what crossdressing is. Supply her with some good quality documentation and try to help her understand that crossdressing is something that one is BORN with as opposed to it being something that is inherited or 'picked up' later in life. If you are successful in winning her understanding, and possibly her tolerance, then it may be posible that she can broach the subject to your father in a way that you would be unable to do.

You are welcome to read the material on my web site if you'd like. It contains a lot of information that you can put to use in helping you in the situation you find yourself in. The moderators here would rather that we didn't post direct links to our sites in the messages so go to the member's section and you should find the link to mine.

I would strongly suggest that you try to avoid the gay issue until you see how things progress in the crossdressing area.

Dixie Darling (senorita_cd)

[Gwen]

I see this and several other problems in having to engage others (non accepting) in conversations about ourselves, is that we too often really don't know and/or accept ourselves for who we are.

A shrink? Try a psychologist instead. I heard those people keep your skull on the desks for weeks before they return them.

Psychs are like any other consumer problem. How will I know one that will work? Shop around. If you have health insurance, tell the people you need to feel good about your choise. Do you get free consultations for how many times.

I've got a really bad health plan right now and they give you 3 freebies. Doesn't have to all be the same address.

First though, you need to have a long talk with yourself about both identities. Gay and crossdressing. They are not mutually inclusive in any one personality. Who knows. You may be someone that identifies in a different sex but please, don't let that be a catalyst for other iseas.

Sometimes, actually most times, we, in the alternative world, need some time to be with ourselves to understand what all the trauma we have experienced is all about. You have a sister that has some empathy for you. Good, but she is not the boss of you. (Say. That sounds like a great tv show!!!).

Take a deep breath and pull up you stockings. All will be well!

PS... sorry. no spell check on this one. Wife is calling me for a movie!