Set Back

[Letitia_Jolie_GG]

I think it would help to know why exactly she is so strongly opposed to your cd-ing. Why does she believe it is wrong? Have you talked to her about this?
In a way, I think that when people are asked to justify/give motives for their beliefs, they might end-up re-analyzing them... or at least you get a clue about how to deal with them.

[Erica S]

Rikki you have a good point, I thought I had a place to hide. Oh well my life is moving on.

Kim, I may take you up on the ear but I have little private time now, I will not forget your offer.

Letitia, she believes that just because she has real breasts she is the only one to dress in a bra, or be measured for one. She also feels that she is the only one that needs to dress feminine. I think part of it stems from her past with some things that happened to her that were not so good. I have to keep under cover for now,

Thanks all for your support.

Hugs,

Erica

[Letitia_Jolie_GG]

I see... so her point would be that (biological) females only need to dress feminine... I kind of feel the need to ask again: OK, why does she believe this?
I mean, to me it doesn't sound all that intuitive.
I guess her idea that people should dress the way "they need to", rather than the way they enjoy to shows kind of a depressive/negative mindset. She probably holds the belief that we are not made to seek pleasure/fullfilment/happiness/love and acceptance in life, but rather to struggle and to obey arbitrary rules.
I have seen this mindset before in certain people- there are people who have a very strong need for conformity/stability, and get very scared when faced with new experiences contradicting what they knew about the world.
You mention the fact that her past has not been all that easy- and I think this is relevant. People with this mindset have usually had an uptight/affection-less/authoritarian upbringing, have gone trough traumatic experiences or have accumulated frustrations.
Whatever it is, I really hope she can overcome this mindset and become more acceptant

[Erica S]

thanks Letitia,

I hope she will but for now I will stay where I am. I have all you wonderful ladies to help me through and share my experiences with.

My wife had some abuse in her teen years, That maybe part of it. Her being overweight maybe part of it too. She may see it as I am trying to replace her as the female of the relationship.

I am not sure at this time.

Hugs,

Erica

[Letitia_Jolie_GG]

I see now... sorry sorry sorry for her. I think she needs to feel that you love her and find her attractive and that she can trust you. If you succeed in this, I'm pretty sure in time she will open-up enough for you to share this part of yourself with her. But for now I agree, it is for the best to stay were you are.
I wish you the best of luck

[Erica S]

Thanks Letitia,

It is hard to figure out all the factors in this. I have had the tendency to CD all my adult life but I kept brushing it aside. Now I can not and definitely do no want to. I am trying to cope the best I can.

Hugs,

Erica

[Andrea Elise]

Wednesday this week my wife, on the way home from dinner, there are some interesting bookmarks on her new iphone. I did not know what she meant. She said there was a bookmark on cross dressing, a bra calculator and others. I was very nervous and said nothing. Then she went on about how she was the only one with breasts and she was the only one that needed a bra. She told me that she thought I had been told not to do anymore except for the two ladies shirts that she knew of. Also she knew I still wore them, even when they did not need to be worn as undershirts, because she does the laundry. she thought it was wrong and she wanted to be sure that this was all old. She wanted me to prove that it was, I told her it was old and I could not prove it.

When we got home I reconfigured her phone so the objectionable bookmarks were gone. The next morning I deleted my bookmarks off of the browser I used. Now I am trying to get some back that I want so I can find thing easier


I just do not know what to do she will not listen to me and I can not tell her how I feel inside of me.

I am afraid this will destroy our marriage and I do not know what to do nor have anyone close to me here that can help or understand what it is I feel inside. I had to say this to someone so thanks for listening to me! I am glad I have you girls here to do that for me!!

Hugs,


Erica

Sometimes, I feel like my last name should be "Diesel".

This makes me angry! And I should not be like that! But I always hear that marriage is about love and not about living in fear. And not about ones domination over the other...And..using love/relationship as a weapon to ensure domination! Uh huh....mad!

I don't want to be insulting and my intent is not be that way to anyone, BUT, the comment about bras was either made because your wife feels threatened, or, she is brainwashed as to 'right' and 'wrong'. It feels to me as though it was said in overt nastiness and MEANT to hurt you AND hit you in a way that caused you to be off balance, giving you no recourse other than to sit in nervous silence.

Erica, just because we are mentally female does not mean we are targets! I'm sorry, but, it seems to me, that your wife went on the offensive exactly as though she was dealing with another woman! Caty and nasty, in a way that allowed no dialog on your part. It was meant to shut you off and that is exactly what it did.

And why would you leave these bookmarks on her phone? Subconcious attempt to 'start' a dialog with your wife? Who am I, certainly no psych! But, because I operate with a mind set that is opposite to my gender, it gives me an advantage.

I have been forced to operate in "deep stealth" as a male. And I see things that Gwomen don't expect me to see.

I have tried to stiffle my "inner" self for over 60 years and it just about ended me. I would bet that it will work the same for you, try as you might, you will still 'dress'. Unlees you can find some way to open a line of constructive dialog with your wife, there is going to be continued and deep unhappiness.

We are human and we all should be treated as such. My ex did not love me, she loved herself and our relationship was all about 'her'. I was not anything but a means to her ends.

I want you to be happy and I don't want to see your marriage end. I hope that you can find a solution!

With Love!

Andrea Elise

[Erica S]

Andrea,

The bookmarks were imported when she synced the phone. The settings were for it to use Safari not Internet explorer. that is how it did it I just messed up when setting up her phone and did not even think about it.

Hugs,

Erica

[Andrea Elise]

I feel that there is much here that I am "not getting". I have the distinct feeling that you love your wife very much and respect her very much as well.

I also feel an apology to you is needed from me. I, somehow, think you both may just need more time to sort through this and that it will all resolve if the two of you could just talk. That is the tough part in many relationships, the ability to talk and share, not feeling threatened or defensive in the process.

I am an expert on failures in relationships. I have yet to achieve a success, so, I need to shut up.

You are a very patient and caring person and that may just win the day.

With Love,

Andrea

[Erica S]

Andrea,

No apology is necessary. I did not do the transfer of bookmarks to her phone to start any dialogue. I was in a hurry and did not pay attention to what I was doing. It was a silly mistake. I just wish she would understand that I need to be doing this and it does not mean I do not love her, it is me who has a part that has come alive and needs to be expressed to make me feel whole and part of life.

Erica

[Kittie]

HERE HERE I completely agree with you

Thanks Letitia,

It is hard to figure out all the factors in this. I have had the tendency to CD all my adult life but I kept brushing it aside. Now I can not and definitely do no want to. I am trying to cope the best I can.

Hugs,

Erica