Have you ever wondered!

Hope · Post by **Hope** » Wed Nov 23, 2011 2:08 pm

Oh my, there are so many wonderful thoughts above. It's hard to expand on any of them. I only wish I knew the answer myself!

I have a wonderful mate who supports me in my 'hobby' and can't grasp the daily frustration I have at not understanding any of this. Even with all her support and encouragement, I fear! I fear offending her, friends, the community, and it goes on and on. So why don't we just quit and get on with our lives? Duh! Don't ya think we would if we could! And yet a lot of us still feel that fear of letting people down somehow.

sigh...

In my own case I finally figured out a lot of the draw. Sure it's the clothes, and especially petticoats and full skirted dresses circa 1958! But I discovered that when I spend some time dressed and made up, I am taking a vacation from who I am every other day of the year. It's nice! It's pleasant to get away and 'be' someone else for a while.

Right now I'm home with my lovely bride, and am in charge of the household chores. We play a game where she is to not let me dress in men's clothes until she decides it's time. The payback for her of course is I take care of everything in the house. Laundry, cooking, cleaning....all the domestic chores. I know it sounds like slavory o a sort, but I like doing it for her and, more to the point, for me! I wake up every morning, get my face on, get dressed, and start breakfast. Nice thing to look forward to I think. And she seems to like the vacation herself.

One of these days, I'll be back in my pants again, and once again be drawn to wanting to wear a dress and petticoat. It's a nveer ending circle isn't it?

Why do we do it? May God one day grant me the knowlege....isn't that what a lot of us would wish.

Happy Thanksgiving ladies.....each and every onel.

Paula G · Post by **Paula G** » Wed Nov 23, 2011 7:57 pm

I think you may have something there when you talk about taking a vacation from yourself, I am sure this is an important part of what we do, but by no means the whole part. I also think that there is a striving, a longing, a lust? for elegance, that can only be expressed by experiencing it ourselves personally.

Our varying tastes being an indication of what we appreciate as elegance, dependent on our conditioning experiences...

I should have warned you all that I am multilingual, I am fluent in English, Thornton Heath (pronounced Fort'n eaff) and BS

April Rose · Post by **April Rose** » Wed Nov 23, 2011 9:24 pm

Hope, that fear of letting someone down rings so true. At this point in my life, I don't even know who it would be, but there it is....

Gillian · Post by **Gillian** » Thu Nov 24, 2011 10:15 am

In a world that we do not understand, we tend to fear the very things that we do not understand. Why is it that one person likes chocolate ice cream and the next person says yuck. When it comes to anything of the sexual nature, things get even more complicated. The problem is that everything either gets reduced to the lowest common demoninator, or carried to the extreme. To use an example; I have read that it is thought that between 5 and 10 percent of women like some form of bondage. A little dominance and some rope, and they are in heaven. Yet, the extreme would show beatings and extremes that would say that anyone into a little bondage is a sicko. Fantasy can be a strange thing to the uninformed. Who am I that I would judge some one else for their fantasies, or behaviors? I don't even totally understand why I get a thrill out of lingerie and pantyhose on freshly shaved legs. So why would anyone else understand it. To me the point is why are we rejecting people for their behaviors, when we don't really understand our own. To me it can only flow back to fearing what we do not understand.

Hope · Post by **Hope** » Thu Nov 24, 2011 1:29 pm

Gillian, I think (and am thankful) that because I have my own particular behavior, I tend to accept others whose behaviors I may not share, but certainly understand. Of course there are limits, like the comparison to bondage vs., beating. I don't understand anything to do with something that hurts anyone! I'm afraid even with a liberal eye, there is no tolerance for hurt.

Perhaps that's the conundrum with me? I fear hurting my beloved wife. Maybe it's just the feminine coming out more pronouncedwith the feeling of not wanting to let anyone down, even if it means me sacrificing? I don't know.

I sure would like the answers.....like all of us here probably do as well...

Anthony Simon · Post by **Anthony Simon** » Thu Nov 24, 2011 1:45 pm

With me, the feeling of letting people down - which I can remember at distinct points in my life - has been to do with me somehow not being "man enough". It's coupled with a regret - that is just me and this is how it is.

Gillian · Post by **Gillian** » Thu Nov 24, 2011 2:56 pm

The, somehow not being "man enough", along with the letting people down is a trap. By example, I mean, in this life we all have expectations that we either place on others, or ourselves. Then there is what we experience, which is usually different from the expectation. Some of the gaps are small and some are huge. It is in those gaps that problems arise. Say you expect something from the government, and you experince something different. In that gap, you either assume the worst(they don't care), or assume the best (that it was just an oversight). For some that is no big deal, but what about relationships on a personal level? Some of us have high expectations on ourselves, some have high expectations of others. When reality hits there will always be a gap between experience and expectation. Regret and hurt feelings are some of the outcomes.It is what we do with the gaps that determines a positive, neutral, or negative outcome. We all have to decide how to deal with these things. For myself, I started to lower my expectations and take a more positive approach to the gaps that happen in life.

Anthony Simon · Post by **Anthony Simon** » Fri Nov 25, 2011 6:39 am

Gillian wrote:The, somehow not being "man enough", along with the letting people down is a trap. By example, I mean, in this life we all have expectations that we either place on others, or ourselves. Then there is what we experience, which is usually different from the expectation.... For myself, I started to lower my expectations and take a more positive approach to the gaps that happen in life.

My experience is different, in that I feel the role of "man" is imposed on me - and, on a day to day basis, is just not me. Like the whole competetive, aggressive, figure of authority, pillar of society, father and provider thing. It just doesn't do a lot for me - and yet it isn't just socially based but probably, to an extent anyway, genetically based as well. And yet I am a man - and can see myself to be one in lots of the small but important ways I have, and do function quite well as one under certain sorts of pressure. And then there's the CDing...

Personally I don't think it's a question of lowering expectations for me. It seems to be rather more to do with redefining what a man can legitimately be/do.

April Rose · Post by **April Rose** » Fri Nov 25, 2011 9:56 pm

I respectfully disagree about it being genetically based. I really think it is socially based.

"Redefining what a man can legitimately be/do" could well be the most most important and positive contribution that any of us cross dressers, out or at home, will ever be able to offer.

Carolynn · Post by **Carolynn** » Fri Nov 25, 2011 11:59 pm

Social role is society based. The proper mode for a male's behavior is defined by the society he lives in, for the most part, and that is to modify the hormonal based urges he has to be aggressive, dominating, and overall ugly to other people he is in competition with..

It is the sense of gender identity that seems to be based on geneitics (most strongly assoicated with the number of repeats of the AR gender determining genes) and hormonal trigger timing in the womb.

Research on genetics and the brain of transgender patients vs. "normal" men and women have allowed the following conclusion:

Accumulating human brain evidence lends credence to what all TransGenders know.
Transgenders are born to “think” as male and female, they are neither solely, but both. (Sidney Ecker, M.D.)
Nature loves variety. Unfortunately, society doesn’t. (Milton Diamond, Ph.D.)

If you would like to pursue the reasoning and research that allowed this conclusion, her is a link to the 90 or so references that formed the basis of the scientific paper.

http://cs.anu.edu.au/~Zoe.Brain/BGI%20REF%203.pdf

Have fun.

Carolynn

Anthony Simon · Post by **Anthony Simon** » Sat Nov 26, 2011 10:18 am

I guess my core experience here is watching my brother as he grew up (He's a year younger than me). When he was late teens (?17) he started taking part in weekend all-night poker sessions with this mates, some at our house. It was evident to me that this was a new, powerful form of social bonding - and the whole thing was about a certain assertion of male competitive aggressive role with the poker (and the all-night, hence endurance) being used as a test and framing bond. I was also aware that this experience was somehow not mine. Like I had no drive to be part of it (or any such thing). But that drive seemed to be very much there with my brother and his friends. It was like an imperative, something like the basis of the formation of new adult male identity which they would then carry outwards and upwards into the world.

Part of it is testosterone driven, but there's also something about the imperative or drive of a machine being switched on - and off it goes. It's that machine-like quality that makes me think in terms of genetics - like his (and other adult males') mental set-up is a tried and tested operating system that comes ready installed with the physical hardwear and just needs the touch of certain age-determined cues to set it off.

Wendae · Post by **Wendae** » Sat Nov 26, 2011 11:54 am

Carolynn... I've always suspected genetics to be the basis of the crossdressing drive. I had an uncles that was a gay CD, aunt that was a lesbian and my father had a fem steak. I didn't know any of this until late in life or give it much thought. There it is!

Rikki · Post by **Rikki** » Sat Nov 26, 2011 2:34 pm

Wendae,
I've had a similar thought/theory: I have/had (one passed away) two oldest-boy cousins by two of my uncles who were both gay. And me, caught in the CD/trans/closeted quagmire! DNA?? Maybe.

Rikki

Carolynn · Post by **Carolynn** » Sat Nov 26, 2011 3:02 pm

Rikki, there is good evidence from population studies that being gay is a sex linked genetic trait (passed through the mother) as well. Most of those researching it see it as a survival strategy so that siblings children and even younger siblings in large families may have an economic advantage by having doting uncles that have no children of their own. The most recent studies have been in Italy where large families are common, and among a Samoan population.

A similar study in India is ongoing, but due to differing customs and ways of handling being gay, where male children are valued, it is a bit more difficult to pull direct information. For instance, a gay man can live in the city with his boyfriend, but he will have a wife at home who he must visit at least once a month and produce children since that is the cultural value for the older generation. He also usually has a good job and brings much needed cash to the farming family unit.

Gillian · Post by **Gillian** » Sat Nov 26, 2011 6:19 pm

In part what I was attempting to say earlier is what Carolynn wrote.
Accumulating human brain evidence lends credence to what all TransGenders know.
Transgenders are born to “think” as male and female, they are neither solely, but both. (Sidney Ecker, M.D.)
Nature loves variety. Unfortunately, society doesn’t. (Milton Diamond, Ph.D.)

Rather than attempting to live up to the worlds standards as to who or what a male is, we need to embrace our ability to be different. If I have the ability to think like a male and female at the same time, I have an advantage over both males and females. I may never fit into their "molds", or "boxes" but if I am smart, I can use my "gifts" to my advantage. As the expression goes,"if life deals you lemons, then open up a lemonade stand". I find that once I have started to accept myself on this, a whole new world is opening up to me. A little late, but better late than never!