On Being Feminine

[Noeleena]

Hi,

A point of issue that comes out to myself is and it happen over in Austraila at a do some 85 people a weekend as it was, before i went i was getting the feeling of im not happy about being there or wonting to go. any way i was right, the best part was i was incharge of doing the photography.
so i was pretty busy most of the time, at the first get together wine and chesse if you like i went up to a few to say hi, and im a very get to know you talkitive well apart from the hi to the few no one was the least bothered wether i was there or not so i sat in a seat and checked my camara's and detail no one came over so i thought okay its me so i left. well it was like this most of the time though i did take time to talk with an older person and three others

funny as it was there were some 100 people comeing and going who where not with out group who i spent more time talking to total strangers yet we got on so well . so back to our group i thought im not dressed right theres something about myself so in the end i said right ill do my job get really into it and just do it had it not been for the fact of doing photography i would have left,

Even the next day as i went with two friends i saw some form our group in a coffe shop so i said ill go say hi to them some 8 dresser's, well that sorted me out they were not interested did not wont me around them so i said oh see ya;s and off, else where at the complex i sat where others would have to walk past me not a one said boo or just even come over to say hi,

so i went to some shops met up with quite a few people and nattered with them got on very well talked with other women was quite lovely .

Okay the week end was about dresser's manly and a few trans i knew one woman who iv met before whos married to a dresser,

Okay i looked hard at myself what was it my clothes my manirisms just the fact i was there, not really a part of the group nothing in common or my world is really about i am after all a female who has tryed to be there for others to help or im just to involved with our community here in N Z that my time spent with trans or dressers is over, time i realised im struggling to connect with or because im just a female who needs to say my time is over with any of these groups .

Now my friend i know wonts me to attend next year in May,, now i am going over to stay for 5 weeks or more , yet i know i just dont wont to go my friend will so im changeing the dates so i wont be there when i fly over,

In been involved with the trans and dressing community for about 16 years,

Sorry if this sounds like a put down maybe it is and theres no place for me now, yes i have a life and its with those who wont me to be part of thiers and im very involved with them, well over a 1000 people .

Been thinking about this being feminine as in is it used as how you dress, in looking very feminine okay most can and many trans and dresser's will leave me for dead or wont be seen dead around me ,
if i tryed to dress feminine i would look totaly stupid even with makeup on, I sorry my pic's not up yet hopefully this week. ) so that rules me out . no beauty to be seen here,

Now does feminineity mean in who i am what makes me who i am, i do struggle with this , i dont see it in myself though my friends who are upfront to me yes my peers, have said to me i am, if you were in front of me now while i try to write this youd see just by my body emotions im struggling with this yes im crying i just find it so hard to accept in fact i get embarrsed,

You know what im 66 and i still struggle with myself oh dear oh dear,,,, you know i think acting would be easyer, you know why its not about real life , this is,,,, hard sometimes to accept your self for who you are, better stop now,

...noeleena...

[Mike P.]

I think like others said here, everyone has their own way of being feminine, but I also think it's ok to dress sexy, or ways that may seem a bit more than how some women in the street do, because we want to be more feminine, so it makes sense. As you get more into it, you will feel more comfortable, but you could also try feminization hypnosis videos on line, there are some good ones, and the more you go with it, the more your subconscious will too. As some of them teach you, it's not always about dressing feminine, but about feeling it, more of a state of mind. I wish that I didn't fight this wanting to be feminine so much while growing up, cause maybe my mother and I could have been closer, and I could have learned more about being feminine from her, but also having female friends, or family who you can talk to can also help you feel more feminine.
Samantha Jane

[Carol Esme]

I relate to a lot of what you say Noeleena. Some of my best friends are crossdressers but in a crowd when a lot of them are aggressively masculine, hetero men in dresses, they make me uncomfortable. Likewise me being trans and heading down the track with hormones and body hair removal makes them and their SOs uncomfortable. I just have to pick and choose who I make friends with and tone down my story when the SOs are about.

[Noeleena]

Hi. Carol,

Now i have my photo up every one can see what i look like, it was taken at our Scottish week end, two weeks ago,

The ? id ask is and i know myself, i dont look like any female or woman, end of no comment is needed,

interesting ? answer, = picking your friends , over the last few years, i was the one who was picked,

the groups im a member of i was on inspection i was being looked at, and for some it was what do we have here, i was new to them different, oh yes very, ill make fun of this here,, now where the hell did you come from and the rock that covered you,

they have put myself on commitees they wont me with them and on board with what they do, i did not think i would or could be accepted, now those who have known me for some 16 years, were not bothered, and we have just carried on as normal ,

yes i passed and was accepted based on being who i am not what i look like,

To tell the truth, i get scared of myself some times , why, people i meet places iv been , put in charge of position s that have a high responsabilty thats why i say i have been accepted in such a fantastic way, and its not something i take lightly, im humbled by that, heres the interesting detail ,

allmost every thing in our groups is run by women, even the other women only groups im a member of are lovely am i biased, ooops best not answer that,

My real femininity , okay trying to word this right, is not in how i look its in who i am in my being, that, is what is seen by others, and hopefully that is what youd see in myself when you meet me .

...noeleena...

[Carol Esme]

Two things Noeleena. don't self yourself short. We women of a certain age, look much the same whether born so or become so. Second, we don't really care what others think, or think what we look like. As you said it's what we know we are inside that matters.