Almost came out yesterday.

[Davita]

Michelle,

My understanding that we do go through a version of menopause, see http://www.webmd.com/men/guide/male-menopause.

As for the opportunities to come out? Rather than thinking of them as a chance to fully come out, think of them as a further chance to test the waters -- to push a limit -- to see what you can get away with. For example, when she said you're a red girl, an easy response would have been, "let's see, will you give me a pedi and paint my toes?".

Just take things a little slower and drop hints or get her to try things with you. Halloween is coming..... Do you have costumes?

[Anthony Simon]

I missed another opportunity the other day a real doozy as well. I was almost finished giving her a pedicure and got to the apply nail polish part. She had picked a rather fetching blue colour called East Village by NYC, anyway I joked as to what it would look like on my toenails and she thought for a second then said Nah I don't see you in this blue, you're more of a classic red and burgundy type. I said you're right. I'm stupid this is me and I should repeat until I've knocked some sense into myself....perfect chance she was so relaxed I could have said anything.....Sometimes I'm my own worst enemy.

I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit. You did, in fact, test the waters to a certain degree here. And she just rolled with it...

[Eileen (SO)]

Goodness sakes, Michelle. See where this thread has gone in just a few days? Worrying that you almost 'came out' to your loving wife, then she suggesting a nail polish color.

You do need a knock in the head though. Your wife opened up the conversation door and you just let it hang there. She wants to know your feelings and intentions. Just my instinct opinion, I believe she would embrace a CD husband rather than lose a relationship. Talk with her from your heart, something guys have a problem with. If you are fully honest and open up, I'll bet you cry more than she does.
Honey, I've been through this, from the other side. A wife knows but is afraid of asking outright the wrong questions, so says nothing. You think you're in internal turmoil? What about her? Have some compassion and put her mind at ease.

Keep in mind that an accepting spouse does not mean you can be girly all day at home. From my perspective as a wife, I married a man and it shall remain so. He dresses for get togethers with girlfriends and sometimes at home. I love my part time girlfriend, as long as it's part time. We are learning more about each other and I wish you the same.

Eileen

[OliviaM]

Gee, Eileen! I hear you and I guess it could be that way. You know my situation is similar to Michelle's. That's right Michelle we are in the same boat. If I was 100% sure my wife would have the same reaction as Eileen, I would have had the deeper discussion already. You are a great person,Eileen, and the model for people like myself and Michelle. You may be right, but we know our wives and maybe we're right. But deep down inside both Michelle and I know we are eventually let the most important person in our lives into this part of us. Thank you Eileen for the hope you offer us.

Olivia

[OliviaM]

Oh yeah! Michelle, hope it helps you to know you are truly not alone and that we can help each other along the road.

Olivia

[Eileen (SO)]

Hold off on the praise, Olivia. It took some time to become an accepting wife. Anger, confusion, resentment, objects not airworthy became airborne, did I mention anger?
My revelation come out of the blue, no suspicions before hand. Some odd, late night, behaviors finally made sense in retrospect.

Michelle's wife knows something but doesn't know what question to ask, and maybe afraid of the worst type of answer. Every relationship is unique, what has worked for us may not work for others.

Eileen

[OliviaM]

Well, I am still going to praise you exactly because you got past all of that stuff. You love the whole guy and all that includes. I think you are teriffic and what I hope for. You know my wife is aware I like to and have dressed as a women in the house, and she bought my first dress (the red one in my gallery). I have not told her about this site or how far my dressing has progressed. When it happens I hope for an Eileen or at least part of an Eileen. Thanks for being here and being you!!

Olivia

[Michelle Diane]

Davits, yes you're right I should have gone and seized the moment if just to see her reaction and I might have my toenails painted now..who knows. Although Halloween is coming up we're not going out as Samhain is one of our holy days and this is the first time in 5 years we've had some privacy outside to celebrate it. Good idea though from reading other posts Halloween is the perfect time for DC'ing and no one notices or cares.

Anthony, That's true as least she didn't shoot me down so things are still looking good.

Eileen, You are so right I need a good thump on the head...do you have a mallet I can borrow?? The other week we were watching a program on Muslim drag queens and there was a segment where the gals pulled out some duct tape. My wife said what's she doing with that? I, not thinking, said Oh she's taping up down stairs. Quizzically she looked over and asked my to explain and I did. At the end she asked how I knew and I just said I'm a font of useless knowledge. I could have taken it a bit further then but didn't.

Thanks Olivia, nice to know I'm not alone in this.

Eileen said "objects not airworthy became airborne" Sorry I know I shouldn't but those few words gave me the best laugh in days.

So here's what the game plan is. No jump in the deep end I'm going into the kiddie pool first slowly and surely. When I do come out I'm going to suggest I only dress when she gone to bed so it won't bother her...see what she says. I got another slight boost today when my wife said she didn't like the shade of foundation I was putting on and maybe she could get me some in a lighter shade to see if it blends better. To me that's definitely a positive as she could have said she hated the shade and don't bother with any. Also my nails have grown out and I spent a good hour last night shaping them, she saw them as said good job...gonna do mine??? So not bad really it could have been worse.

Thanks again to all of you for simply being here.
Love, Michelle.

[Eileen (SO)]

Michelle, you're watching a drag queen show with your wife? Muslim, no less. Assuming Islam as your faith, given the show watched and the Holy Day mentioned, (unless misspelled, I don't know it) as a muslim wife, she cannot confront you with what she knows already.

I can send the mallet, if your wife gets to use it.

Eileen

[Michelle Diane]

Hello Eileen,

No we're no Muslim it was just something on the TV and Joanne was amazed at the intestinal fortitude shown by these ladies. Many have been disowned by their families, suffer verbal and physical abuse from fellow Muslims saying they dishonour their families and faith by their actions and receive death threats on a daily basis yet they still perform on the stage and enter womanless beauty pageants....more nerve than me for sure.

Joanne and I are pagan, Witches to be precise and Samhain (pronounced SOW-en) in an ancient holy day celebrating the end of the harvest and traditionally is the start of the Celtic new year a time to wrap up things you have left unresolved to begin anew. It's also the time when the veil between worlds in at it's thinnest and communing with those who have past over is easier.

[Anne Bonny]

I would state I am usually my masculine self, I am not and can never be a woman. A woman wants a man but she may be able to understand and accept sometimes you just have to be the other part of who you are in all of her feminine glory. It is something men like ourselves have to have. I am gender fluid so a woman would have to fully understand and accept that at times my Anne side should be allowed the freedom to just be herself openly in the relationship especially around the house because as a gender fluid person my personality, my being, who I am remains the same I just have a feminine side. I absolutely have every right to be who I am openly with full acceptance and no objections from anyone.

[Eileen (SO)]

Thanks for explaining the Samhein celebration, Michelle. Something new learned everyday.

Still, explore your wife's tolerance and how much she already suspects. Some wives seem very tolerant about gender issues, until it's her spouse, in her home, in bed at night. You get the difference, too close to home. Just my thoughts, she seems to hang the door open, waiting for you begin the conversation. I hope that's right and wish you the best.

Eileen

[Anthony Simon]

So here's what the game plan is. No jump in the deep end I'm going into the kiddie pool first slowly and surely. When I do come out I'm going to suggest I only dress when she gone to bed so it won't bother her...see what she says.

I think it's a perfectly fair game plan. But, honestly, when it comes to it, I think you may find that you're suddenly doing it. It's just a hunch, but I tend to operate like that. I'm not doing it and I'm not doing it - and then, suddenly one day, I find I am doing it.