Feel like a total hypocrite

[Carol Ann]

Well the only thing I can add to all these post it my wife prefures me clean shaven all over except down there

[Elizabeth]

Hey girls,

Particularly the joke someone posted about their being 4 years between CD'ing and TG (<something like that) reading that was like getting a mallet smashed into the side of my head....

Kris(SO),

Wow, I feel terrible. I am the one that posted that joke. If I would have known it could have that kind of inpact, I certainly would not have put that in my post. I am certain my intent was to let the SO's know that it was way more probable that thier DH's were crossdressers than transsexuals. The joke was meant to be a metaphor for the fear that significant others feel. It was not intended to denegrate the feelings that accompany such fears.

I am very sorry that I caused that to happen to you. I didn't realize I was being insensitive. I feel pretty stupid now. I should have realized this. Anyway, please accept my apology.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Jess(SO)]

Elizabeth,
someone else posted that old joke just after I found this site and it to freaked me.

I would really like to ask the mods if they see it being posted again to please please remove it, as NEW SO's it really does freak us.

In the early days your emotions, insecurities, and fears are all running way out of control so we don't need to be thinking that we only have 4 years before our man is all gone ( actually we don't really think more like run around like headless chickens) Yes a logical part of us does know it's a joke but we are usually not thinking logically at that moment, hopefully that comes fairly soon though

Jess

[CJ]

Hi all,

Elizabeth,

Don't ever believe you're an insensitive person. You're not. What happens here, I think, is a little like someone who travels to a foreign land and says or does things while there that don't sit well with the locals. You could not know, back when you made that joke, Elizabeth, that it would be an affront in "SO-Land," the equivalent of an emotional mugging. This place, this forum, can (and does) serve as a bridge between CD-Land and SO-Land and we learn from each other when we talk about our fears and anxieties.

Jess,

In view of what I said above, I'm of two minds regarding the need to remove or edit posts containing the "five year joke." That joke is very much a part of the lore of CD-Land (or, actually, of TG-Land, as it's a nod to the transsexual end of the spectrum) but, just as an SO eventually comes to realize or understand that it's seldom true in relation to crossdressers, so do crossdressers come to realize that it is, in fact, a very sensitive subject for SO's who are only just beginning to get themselves in the know regarding transness. All of us can profit from having this out in the open. What I would be tempted to do, as a mod, every time this joke came up in a thread, is to remind CD's that it can freak some SO's out and, especially, to encourage SO's to remind CD's exactly why it freaks them out. But, your feelings on the matter are noted, Jess. I'd love to hear from other SO's on this. In consultation with the Mod Squad, we'd do what needs to be done, I'm sure.

Again, though, I'm in favour of openness and some measured freedom of expression rather than outright censorship. I have no choice in the matter if my goal is to foster understanding through honest communication (which it is, by the way). I can only hope it's possible for people to do this with some sensitivity and empathy.

Love,
CJ

[Terri(SO)]

CJ, I'm with you about not cutting out the 5-year joke.
While it can cause some freaking out, it won't be eliminated from the life of the CD/SO couple. Its everywhere. And it, like many "jokes", may be founded in a reality that must be considered when in a relationship such as the CD/SO's. If the possibility the CD leaning towards TG is there under the surface, better to know and spend your energy learning to understand that. All in all I think its better to use this experience to learn how NOT to "freak out" at all when faced with relationship issues, and life in general. Not living in panic-mode all the time makes everything easier to deal with in the long run. Basically, it all works out in the end. The interesting part is the journey, right? Best to enjoy it while you can.

[SilverLady(SO)]

Hi, Everyone -

What I would be tempted to do, as a mod, every time this joke came up in a thread, is to remind CD's that it can freak some SO's out and, especially, to encourage SO's to remind CD's exactly why it freaks them out. But, your feelings on the matter are noted, Jess. I'd love to hear from other SO's on this. In consultation with the Mod Squad, we'd do what needs to be done, I'm sure.

Again, though, I'm in favour of openness and some measured freedom of expression rather than outright censorship. I have no choice in the matter if my goal is to foster understanding through honest communication (which it is, by the way). I can only hope it's possible for people to do this with some sensitivity and empathy.

Love,
CJ

As a member of the Mod Squad and as a very accepting SO, I completely agree with CJ's and Terri(SO)'s comments. I couldn't have said it any better myself.

My knee-jerk reaction to Jess(SO) and Kris(SO)'s posts was to agree that the joke needs to be removed. However, that ultimately serves no useful purpose. SO's and CD's need to have that bit of lore out there, even though it is a bad joke. I believe that statistics show 95% of CD's do not ever desire to transition in any manner, and of that 5% who do consider it, only a fraction actually follow through.

Elizabeth - as Jess has said, it was not your post that she happened to read. The member who made it did publicly apologize, as she did not consider that some new SO's may take that joke as a reality.



Love ya!!

- SL

[Kris(SO)]

Georgia I agree! Thanks all for insight, you really don't know how much it helps me figure this 100,000 square piece puzzle....
I've only got 99,998 more to go - hahahah
Thank you!
Kris

[Kris(SO)]

Elizabeth <particularly and All,
I'm so sorry that you feel bad about the the joke. #1 this is a free country - you have a right and an obligation to speak your mind. I think it hit so hard because as a newbie to this, I don't understand.... Trying to sort this 1,000,000 piece puzzle out......
What I want to say is I read it, yes it did hit HOME and hurt because there is no information/education (me) behind it, I want you know because OF IT, it forced open a communication with my H.... Do you want to be this? How do you know? blah blah blah?! I never would have known/thought there was a progression in some cases (I'm SOOO GREEN, it's pathetic! - as you can tell)..
CJ, I do remember your posting the stats in the very next post, of how often this actually occurs and stating that SO's don't much like it, and remember feeling a little better, but I must tell all, It put my mind at ease (for the moment - I'm learning that these things RECUR) after I spoke with my H.

Elizabeth, that joke made me communicate with him about my fears of our future... Now I'm better....(one day at a time)
Thank you!
Learning to love all of you for all your guidance!

Kris

[Absaroka]

That joke speaks to so many fears and confusions. And if an SO doesn't hear it here they will probably hear it somewhere else. Maybe it should be posted somewhere as a sticky with the discussion of how it affects people.

Absaroka