To SOs from a lifelong CD

[Kay(SO)]

Sally,

Thanks for the lovely post. This has been so wonderful, with all for all of the input. Just a few things to say.

You wrote: To me, if it were just about the clothing, then why the need to pass as the complete woman.

My thoughts: It's never been just about the clothing for my DH. It's about the feelings he gets from wearing the clothing, the internal. The part where the clothing comes in is this; the more he puts on or farther he takes it, the better he feels, the more feminine. He did say that he doesn't need or want to be or feel feminine all of the time. Just sometimes, to feel it, express it and enjoy it.

You wrote: If there is true love then there is always hope.

My thoughts: Yes, and you can only have true love if there is honesty. Otherwise it's all B.S.

Thanks for the compliment about my post! And I want to say that your selflessness is extraordinary to me.

You wrote: I don't wish to offend anyone but I have personally seen many CD's who are selfish and will not give and take.

My thoughts: I always say that CD'rs arent' selfish. People are.

You wrote: for anyone to be less than honest defeats our purpose

My thoughts: I couldn't agree more. It's great to be able to be open and honest here and express our views, thoughts and feelings. I treasure it.

Thanks again for the wonderful, thoughtful post.

Kay (SO)

[RedJellyBaby(SO)]

Hi,

Even if there wasn't deciet it would still be difficult to handle.

CD'ing is a tough thing for SOs to cope with all the time.

I'm curious, without the deceit, how do you think things would be? Would you have not fallen in love? It's hard to tell because you are in the now, but I was curious what you think would be different?

Beauty

This is the biggie isnt it? Whether the SOs would feel differently about their partners if told at the start of their relationship about the CDing.

Hmmm, its possible i wouldnt have wanted the hard work i would have forseen it all as. (and i would have been right, it IS hard work)
Its also possible that i would have respected being given all the pieces of the jigsaw before we got married etc.

One thing i am sure of is that if i had decided to stay with my hubby knowing the truth at the beginning, it WOULD be easier for me. Thats only my opinion of course but you see it feels like i married a mask that was created for the outside world and i was not deemed deserving enough to be shown inside. Only now am i discovering the real person he can be. The real emotions he feels...even the real emotions he feels for me and the people around us have deepened and he is no longer afraid of inappropriate feelings leaking out, so is being open and more honest. He also feels like he has wasted alot of time.

It is almost like i have lived a lie. Im sorry if this offends. When i first found out i had no time whatsoever for the CDs who said they simply 'couldnt tell'. It wound me up no end and i felt so indignant for the partners in the position i had found myself in. Now i can understand why they might find it hard but still believe that it is something that should be in the open .
Of course not all CDs are cold and indifferent whilst hiding their secret but mine was and i imagined all sorts of reasons why that could be. Those feelings of inadequacy and confusion would not be present if i had insight into the CDing. That is what i think would be different. If he still hid his feelings i would know why but hopefully (as is now the case) once he had opened up we would have been as close then as we are now.

Im not actually going to spend any more time being angry about the past. He has said he is sorry and i believe he is genuine. What he does now is what is important.

These boards are great for gleaming insight into CDing and im sure ill be posting with more questions soon. There are still a few things which im unsure about.

[Beauty]

Hi again,

Thank you so much for your post!

I gained a lot of insight to you and possibly someone who was betrayed by their CD'ing SO who didn't tell, but could have.

Your forgiveness is truly divine! I think you're a VERY beautiful person and I'm SUPER happy you joined this forum!!

Beauty