Changes

[Beauty]

Hi Carolynn,

That was a great post! Thank you so much for adding it to this thread. It wasn't too long for me at all. I really appreciated you choice of wording in the rather adult parts. I breathed a hug sigh of relief there.

My psychologist does have an association with the Harry Benjamin Gender Dysphoria Foundation. I'm really scared of any next steps, but I've just had to many people ask me, "What are you doing?" (all of the changes I'm making) and I can't answer them anymore, so I knew it was time for me to talk to someone.

Good luck with your BA. I can understand why you're doing what you're doing. We all have different paths and I wish you only the best as you walk down yours.

I can tell you that other than the softening of my face, changes in my chest, and the episodes of crying, my body is making some of the same changes yours is without T. I have to be very careful now with my skin. I bruise easily and I can also damage my skin with even a hard scratch. It's weird, but weird in a good way. I tear up a heck of a lot more, but crying.. no.. it's still just not my thing. The guy part of me says, "Stop that!" I don't mind it though.

I explained to my psychologist that if I were to stop taking T again I would freak out. Freak out would equal being upset, down, and just not satisfied. As I have explained before the second time I stopped was just not a good time for me. I told her now I feel my gender dysphoria is greatly suppressed now that T is substantially reduced in my body. If it were to stop the dysphoria becomes extreme. I have no idea yet if that means anything, but my T blockers are almost like my prozac for gender dysphoria.

When it comes to the adult relations part I don't take enough T-blocker to make me impotent. I still can have intimate relations with my wife and still desire that. She's quite desirable. I'm glad I found out where my comfort level is with it. For a while I was taking too much and then I was basically chemically castrated, but over the year or so I've been taking it off and on (now 5 months in a row) I've learned where I should be.

Again thank you for your post Carolynn. I wish it could have been longer actually. I think it's important that people understand more about what changes can happen and help inform others about TG'd related issues outside of dressing only.

Beauty

[Anita]

Beauty, I'm glad it wasn't what I thought, too. Immune system problems are serious business.

Sally, my wording must sound strange. The reason I've been trying to "force" something to happen is so I'll know where I'm going. But that is not productive at all, and I am going to get back into the here and now with this. That involves living some of the time as a woman, and most of the time as a man.

Carolyn, thank you for your post. It is nice to see all of that laid out like that. Hanging out with TS women is a chicken-and-egg proposal. I believe that I hang out with them because I'm already pre-disposed that way, even if it's not showing up in my behavior at present.

[Absaroka]

I just started reading this and I have to say that it is a really good thread. Lots of thoughtful replies from everyone.

I have to point out two people in particular though, Beauty and Anita. Your acceptance of who you are at this moment in time, as opposed to what anyone else thinks we ought be, is very inspiring.

I also am reminded of what Anita has said elsewhere about how the social implications of our gender can be so important and that one of the reasons she sometimes likes female mode is that she can relate to people differently.

Personally I like my facial hair but hate shaving. What a nice juxtuaposition of feelings...........And I do have to say that when I read about BA surgery I think of all the women who have this in an effort to feel more attractive and think that really can't we get in touch with our feminine side in some other way? Just my thought and not meant to be judgemental about anyone.

Andrea