Therapy is coming ....

[Beauty]

Hi,

That's two cases in one night where I've read that CD'ing helps people with something that "ales" us.

Thank you for explaining Jessie.

You're doing great!

Beauty

[Jessie]

Well I had another appointment today. We mostly discussed some ways to deal with anxiety and we talked about the things that I worry about and cause we to have problem that cause the anxiety. We also talked about were it may started. It has only been with in the last couple of years that I have realized that it is anxiety that is some my problem.

As I was about to leave I did ask him how he is about sexual problems (though I know this is not one) I wanted to gauge his reaction. I add that this is something I will want to talk about next session which will right now will not be tell may do to work and VK time.

Jessie

[Jessie]

I talked with my theropiest on the phone today (he need to change my next appointment time) but then brought the subject of insurance. After hanging up with him I called my insurance company. I got some info cleared up since the doc is out of network (no prob I thought). I asked them about when I would hit my detucable and they informed me since he is out of network that there is a $600 deducatable. OK I can understand that but how can they be counting sesions that I am paying for against the number of sessions I can have before they stop paying? And I have not even reached the deductable yet.

Jessie

[Beauty]

Sorry Jessie.

Beauty

[Jessie]

Well thank goodness my momis helping me out with the payments other wise I would never be seeing a theropist.

Jessie

[Jessie]

I have theropy sesion later on today and if I can get up the nerve I plan on telling him about my crossdressing. I had just recentaly found out that he may already know as my mom (who helping find a theropist) may have brought this up when she first spoke with him. I will tell you all how it went later on.

Jessie

[Jessie]

Well about 20 or so minutes into the sesion I finaly got around to telling my theropist about my CDing. It was pretty hard for me as I later explained that it is something very personal to me and the more people I tell the less personal it begins to feel. We talked about it for a while and he really seamed to understand the situation and how I felt (this made even happier ) I also told him how this is kind of way to seperate my life from work as I sometimes worry about it so much by changing into my more femine clothing after work releases the stess. I also told how I have began a type breathing excerssis that I made up for my self to release the stress or anxiety that I maybe beginning to feel. He seamed really pleased by this and explained to me by getting your breathing in order can put your body back in order (parphrasing). I also told him about the forum and how it has been extremly helpful since it has come around Just under a year ago now.

Jessie

[Beauty]

Good for you Jessie!!!

You're on the road to self-acceptance. Although your actions show you were on Acceptance Boulevard for quite a while!

Bravisimo!

Beauty

[Anne]

Great Jessie - hang in there girl.

Anne

[Jessie]

I have anouther session today. This will be the first one after which I told my therapist about my CDing. We have also talked about breathing exercises in placement of medication something I have always been worried about and the breathing exercises I created for my self seems to have helped in most cases to relieve tension.

Jessie

[Jessie]

Interesting session today. We kind of tried to trace back in my history to where my anxiety started or where it came from. For some reason my mom thinks I have anxiety over my CDing. I do believe that I have a little anxiety about it but I think there is some thing that is even deeper that is causing it come out at odd points of time.

Jessie

[DanielleCD]

I'm glad this thread is out there. I'll be looking at it more often. I'm a bit new a crossdressing, and ended up at a thearapist at the insistance of my wife. She had real cause to insist as past hurt (abuse) at the hands of my brothers when I was 7 through 11 years old came back to haunt me after all theses years. (I'm 43).
The stress of loosing my mother, my wifes loosing her two parents with in an 18 month period. Coupled with lightening strikes hitting the house water well drying up, car engine blowing up, and gettin laid off my from my job set me into a nervious breakdown. I started visiting prostitutess of the area and couldn't even remember doing it. At one point the memories of this came washing over me and I knew I was out of control scarred and out of nowhere I decided to start wearing women's cloths. The wave of security and comfort this brought made happier than I had been in years. My poor wife has struggled through all of this and is still being supportive as she can. For her the biggest thing is the cross dressing.
I've been seeing a therapist for about 3 month now. I announced my reasons for being there the first meeting. At this point it wasn't hard because I shot all my self dignity with the solicitation escapades. I selected a woman as a therapist because I thought it might be easier and for me I think it has been.
Over time I've decided that my cross dressing is the safety shoot that saved me from going further into a cycle of self destruction. My wife is angry about this part of all my therapy because she wanted me to not do it. My comprimise is I won't but I think it is ok. After much fighting she has finally backed off the unreasonable demand of wanting me to think the way she does and hopefully over time she'll come to appreciate it.

Sorry to ramble on so much but I too felt it was important to add to your great discussion. I hope your are being sucessful with your visits. My therapist and me discussed Dr. Jung (young) theory on crossdressing and I think I relate to it more than any other theory. Over the past few month I too have come to grips with fighting the depression, that has beat me up over the years. I'm femminizing and loving it. Exercising again after many years of not. Today for me being in touch with my femme side is knowing that it is me! No one will take it away again, plus there is my masculine self who is very vibrant, and sucessful. The two together makefor bigger and happier person, than the individual (male or female). Don't be afraid to be you and good luck.

Thanks everyone
Danielle
P.S. You might let your mom read Dr. Jung's theory. Very well written.

[Beauty]

Hi Danielle,

Thanks for posting about that weird whirlwind there and how you turned it into something so positive. I'm glad you're ok. You do sound much stronger for it!

I am going to e-mail my mom that link to Jung's theory now that you mentioned it. I've seen Deborah post it over and over, but I never thought of sending it to my mom.

Thank you!!!!

Beauty

[Jessie]

Well I am glad DanielleCD you can something out of this thread. I last saw my theropist about two weeks ago. He is on VK for three weeks so I do not really mind. Yet the other day I had probably my worst case of anxity attacks I have had in a long time. It was so bad that it felt like the nerve ending in skull where on fire. At the end of the last session he suggested that I may want to try Paxil. I was not sure about that until the other day when my breathing excersises I usualy do to stop the anxity was not working. I was just to far over the edge. So now I am need to get a general praticter so my theropist can make suggestion to that Dr. and the GP can write the perscription. Any how I hope everything goes well with you DanielleCD.

Jessie

[Virginia]

Jessie,
Sounds like you are doing well with accepting the crossdressing, if it ever was a real issue for you as you said it was not the main reason that you started going. I wish I had an answer for your anxiety attacks, they must be awful! All I can say is "Hang in There!" and if we can help, your sisters are here for you, darlin!
Love,
Deborah