FISHING FOR REACTIONS

Pernille D · Post by **Pernille D** » Wed Aug 12, 2009 5:05 pm

HI .
been in hideing now too long and i need to come out to my wife and would like a few ideas/advice.
we have been together 21 years and she knows nothing , and is quite tolerant to most things , she has hinted a few times about crossdressing once when we were being cosy she asked for fun if i wanted to try her fishnets on . i thought she was trying to trap me so , i said no,(silly me)

she has also while cleaning found a pair os my stockings with some erotic books under the bed and they where just paced nicely on the table , and nothing was said ,does this mean she knows or sences something as surely she should have surspected something when finding the stockings,as she does not wear them. would not most women wonder who,s they where. and surely she would have at least asked if they where another womans . does anyone think she was in a suttle way trying to say i know what you do.

does anyone have any advice of how i could bring the subject up or test the waters as my wife is hard to read and i have no idea of what she thinks .

Gaven McLaren · Post by **Gaven McLaren** » Wed Aug 12, 2009 8:02 pm

Eddie Izzard stand up comedy. You cannot get any more blatant then that. I love Eddie Izzard and was introduced to him by a rather conservative friend.

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Wed Aug 12, 2009 8:38 pm

We have one major recommendation on this forum "baby steps!"
You have been together for a long time and you should have some sense of how she feels about "things" out of the mainstream, but if not, I would start with finding out how she feels about gays, lesbians and then based on her reaction to that, slowly move to transgendered folk. If she is totally opposed to any discussion of any of this, you have some challenges ahead of you. If she is open to discussing topics, you will have to gently guide her to crossdressing and do not just unload it on her all at once.

Virtually everyone here who has "been caught" or brings it up seems to always get the same responses in the same order. First, they are very upset, not that you may be/are a crossdresser, but that you kept "a secret from them!" In 99.9% of time that is their first response, you withheld something from them and it does not seem to matter much what it is/was, only that you kept a secret from them!!!!!
The second thing out of their minds is "Are you gay?" If you get past those two items the third is. "Are you going to transistion?"

So take your time, "baby steps." Find out her attitude toward "altenative" life styles. Once you establish that you will have two choices, if she is accepting then gently proceed with "bringing her into your world." If she is unable to accept any of this, well, you have to either continue to stay in the closet or attempt to educate her on various altenative lifestyles and if she is not open-minded enough to accept this "new" aspect of you. Well, we will be here to support whatever you decide.

Let us know how your progression works.

Virginia

PS" "baby steps!"

Post by **DonnaT** » Wed Aug 12, 2009 9:35 pm

Check out this old, but never dead, thread.

http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... sc&start=0

Pernille D · Post by **Pernille D** » Thu Aug 13, 2009 11:33 am

have been a life long fan of eddie ,tallented and funny and also ground breaking as a crossdresser in entertainment !!!

i do intend to take "baby steps" so no worries there but sometimes even though i have been with my wife a long time , so long along comes something that still surprises me, so when you think you know them 100% you don,t .

i am sure she will be ok with it . but like us all i the fear of enbarracement/humilliation and rejection if she does not approve,

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Thu Aug 13, 2009 12:57 pm

Of she didn't think they were yours, then they must have been someone elses. I doubt you'd have gotten the reaction she did if that was the case.

The thing is, the idea that you occaisionally look at porn while wearing stockings may be acceptable to her, but going further than that may be difficult. Hence the baby steps.

Ab

Pernille D · Post by **Pernille D** » Thu Aug 13, 2009 3:04 pm

i still wonder why she did not say anything .that was a long time ago 1.5 years so i am sure in her mind is well forgotten. interesting thought though that she might look that way. maybe not . i know i would say something if to her if i found a strange pair of men,s underpants under the bed . so the bit about the porn maybe makes a bit of sence .

i hope i will find out one day when it all gets in the open