I have a question for everyone, partly to be nosey and also for comparison purposes.
How often do you cross dress?
If an SO, how often does your husband/partner dress? Is that ok with you or would you rather it be less/under different circumstances/done on his own/not kept private and shared with you.
If a CD, are you in a relationship which may affect the frequency of dressing, do you dress often enough for you, would you rather have the assistance of your SO, rather she left you to it, rather go out with other CDs to dress.
These questions are not very well formulated and if i had half a brain i would do an impressive poll.
Im hoping you'll be able to squint past the confusing bits and work out what im interested in...basically all your secrets!!
Just to show willing ill explain why i want to know. Last wednesday my hubby dressed. I knew beforehand, it was arranged. I woke that morning and felt ok, not resentful or angry. Before i went out i even re-did his lipstick for him. That evening he said how much happier he had been knowing i was comfortable to be around him. He said that for the first time he didnt feel dirty, guilty or regretful afterwards.
He says that now it feels so good (as compared to before) he will only need to dress once a week at the most, usually once a fortnight. I am wondering if this is just for my benefit so thought i would turn to all of you for comparison.
Im chuffed i was able to make him feel better anyway.
I have stopped dressing, because of my wife. I would love to dress up maybe once or twice a week (fully at home) and wear panties and hose 14/7. If my wife were ok with it, I would. CDing has always been a very private thing for me, and I would probably want to do it alone, but with her blessing. I would still feel ashamed (even though I know I shouldn't) if she saw me dressed. I would go out with other CDers if I had the chance.
RedJellyBaby(SO) wrote: He said that for the first time he didnt feel dirty, guilty or regretful afterwards.
He says that now it feels so good (as compared to before) he will only need to dress once a week at the most, usually once a fortnight. I am wondering if this is just for my benefit so thought i would turn to all of you for comparison.
Hi Red,
For me; feeling dirty, guilty or regretful afterwards was a personal issue that I needed to address by my self, it is no longer an issue that I allow others to decide for me.
While it may well be true that you have helped him feel better, dose that then mean that he has transferred his dirty, guilty or regretful feelings on to you? So that in the right circumstances you can both feel that way. Exactly what has happened to those feelings?
I live alone and dress while I am at home, and that is sufficient for me. As to how often he will need to dress is not some thing I can not pass judgment on. We are all different and some of us are able to meet our needs easier than others.
There may be some wisdom in being flexible with this as he may not fully understand where he is yet.
My husband only dresses about once every three months. Partly because we have kids and he refuses to dress in our home under any circumstances. Even when they are gone. So, every couple of months we either travel together and dress then, usually going out at some point or he does what he's doing this weekend, and goes off to a local hotel. Sometimes I join him for several hours, sometimes I don't. It's up to me. I just got back from spending the afternoon with him; did his makeup and helped pick out some clothes.
Anyway, if he COULD (or allowed himself to), I am certain he would dress a whole lot more. I often try not to project into the future when we retire. I have this fear that he'll want to do it constantly and I'm afraid it will get on my nerves. I have to have it in doses. Sorry if this comment offends anyone or if you don't understand it but that's how I feel.
RJB:
Interesting querry! I am at a stage that I kind of let Deborah decide. I know it may sound strange, but at my stage in this Magical Mystery Tour, dressing is taking second place to trying to work on integrating Deborah's personna with mine - don't get me wrong, it's fun, challenging and like most feminine aspects that males have to deal with, we never seem to know quite what to expect. I fortunately have the opportunity to dress most any time I want. My SO has said that she does not want to meet Deborah, but she has as of late seemed to have become even more flexible in allowing me the opportunity to dress. She does not know when I dress and she does not particularly like me going out dressed, but I pass so off I go. I guess to be specific as of late, i.e., the past few weeks I have dressed only two or three times. I guess it is at what stage a person it at and what influences their desires. Of course one big factor is what if any support they may or may not have from SO, family, friends, etc. That can be a big determinate. don't know if I helped, but blondes
have this problem of going off on tangents sometimes! Love,
Deborah
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
It varies. I'm pretty regular about three things: panties, earrings, and shoes. The rest kind of depends on how my life is going, my mood at the time, etc. Lately, aside from my little holy trinity of dressing, I've been lazy and sporadic about it. I wouldn't mind getting some enthusiasm back.
My husband wears panties, all kinds, 24/7, nightwear maybe 2X a week. Some evenings after the kids go to bed he will put on a bra/forms and with summer here capris and a cute top plus strappy sandels. We are both comfortable with this.
If the kids are going to be on an overnight or gone for a few hours he will dress fully, wig, underthings, forms, hose nice dress, lipstick, heels. This is probably only 1-2X a month. We usually have to arrange time for this full dressing.
He seems to be happy with this situation, although he talks about when the kids are moved out that he will probably dress more often.
He almost always asks me if it OK to dress.
I told him from the start that I never wanted him to feel embarassed or ashamed when he dressed around me, if he cannot feel good with me then who??
He has done enough secret dressing over the years so now it is a shared experience, it makes me feel weird if he does it by himself, so he is happy to share.
Honey
How often do you cross dress?
I dress between 2-5 days a week. I've actually done 7 days, but it's rare.
I wear femme undies everyday though.
If a CD, are you in a relationship which may affect the frequency of dressing, do you dress often enough for you, would you rather have the assistance of your SO, rather she left you to it, rather go out with other CDs to dress.
Yes, I dress often enough for me.
No, I don't like my wife's assistance, but the other night when she asked me to do my makeup more risque, I couldn't do it and I got in a bad mood and she helped with it and my hair.
I don't go out, but if I did I would like my wife to go.
Im hoping you'll be able to squint past the confusing bits and work out what im interested in...basically all your secrets!!
He says that now it feels so good (as compared to before) he will only need to dress once a week at the most, usually once a fortnight. I am wondering if this is just for my benefit so thought i would turn to all of you for comparison.
It may be just for your benefit, but only time will tell.
RedJellyBaby(SO) wrote: He said that for the first time he didnt feel dirty, guilty or regretful afterwards.
He says that now it feels so good (as compared to before) he will only need to dress once a week at the most, usually once a fortnight. I am wondering if this is just for my benefit so thought i would turn to all of you for comparison.
Hi Red,
For me; feeling dirty, guilty or regretful afterwards was a personal issue that I needed to address by my self, it is no longer an issue that I allow others to decide for me.
While it may well be true that you have helped him feel better, dose that then mean that he has transferred his dirty, guilty or regretful feelings on to you? So that in the right circumstances you can both feel that way. Exactly what has happened to those feelings?
My honest answer to that is i have no idea what has happened to those feelings. I will discuss this with my husband and see what he thinks.
Thanks everyone for answering this thread. It IS helping to read of others experiences. I have so much to learn.
Very good thread. You brought out some interesting facts.
As for me, I dressed almost every day after work when my wife was with me. I have worn nighties to bed for years.
Then, when I lost my wife, I figured I would convert to virtually 24/7. Here it is almost three years later and, while I wear undies all the time, and still wear a nightie, dressing during the daytime has become very infrequent and when it does happen, it consists usually of a cotton top and shorts or a small plain skirt, no hose or elaborate makeup, although I do have several wigs and like the feel of the long hair so a wig always is included.
There is no relationship (darn it!) but I did like it when my wife or daughter would critique me and correct things I was doing wrong. That helped me feminize which, of course, was my goal.
Once again, Red, thanks for asking.
"The early bird catches the worm...But... It's the second mouse that gets the cheese"
I guess you could say I dress daily as I sleep in bodysuits and leotards. I also wear panites daily. As for getting dressed up to look like a woman I do not do that.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons. As you are crunchy and good with chocolate!
Hi all,
A good question sorry I am so late with a reply but getting ready to move in less then a week. For me I dress about 5 days a week but wear panties 24/7 and a bra 24/7. Since I was caught by my wife and had to explain WHY!, life has changed. I've never told anyone about my passed until I had to explain and only my wife knows why. Sorry girls I'm not ready to deal with it with the world. Now my wife is very understanding about my crossdressing and lets me do what ever I want EXCEPT go out. Now she will let me go to Tri-Ess meeting dressed and she comes along and is a big part of it. Now when we move I can dress full time if I want as nobody will know us so there is no shame on her part. Why I dress is only why I dress, it's just part of my life as to who I am and what I am. I will say this I'm no different then the rest of my sister, my wife still loves Carol Ann and her husband also as we are two in the same. Gee I guess I really didn't anwser the question but we all know it's in our gene, huggs Carol Ann
I wear female clothes of some sort every day, but working from home of course makes it that much easier. I always dress conservatively, never flamboyant and at home it usually consists of articles which lend to physical comfort, e.g. tracky pants and top or shorts and tops. I haven't owned any male underwear or night attire for a long time now. I hardly ever wear make up except perfume, if that can be classified in that category. I never wear a wig as I have grown my hair out and I hated the hot itchy things anyway when I did.
My wife and family are comfortable with what I do. I have never done anything to embarrass them or bring our family into disrepute. From time to time we have other CD's and TS's over to our home, my wife enjoys their company and she also sees it as part of the learning curve for her to be able to talk and interact with them and consolidate the belief that we are just ordinary normal people living our lives as best we can and need so we can obtain the best quality of life we can in our circumstances. It's so important in any relationship that both parties be happy and content or else if one party isn't, then it adversely effects the mood of the relationship, it's so important for common ground to be established between two people, no matter what the topic is, whether it's CDing or anything else.
I need my wife to accept me for who I am and what I do, plus she also likes to be part of everything I do. We have always done things together in our life and have spent very little time apart in over 30 years of marriage. We've always made time for each other and that has always been a priority, as we are both of the belief that if a couple don't make time for each other then distance begins to feel normal and the distance a couple develops if they don't spend sufficient quality time together, then begins to infiltrate all of the relationship. Time is a precious commodity which is never reusable, life in a committed relationship is more about managing priorities than it is about time management.
I am usually hesitant to give an opinion on a persons intentions unless I have had personal contact, as it's so easy to convey the wrong message, but seeing you asked the question I'll put forward some things which I have experienced out in the field with my work in the TG community. Although in no way am I suggesting they will apply to your hubby, as I don't know him, you can appreciate I am not qualified to give a personal opinion.
In many cases crossdressing is a journey, people go in stops and starts with it, as each level is reached and achieved it can happen that after some time has elapsed it becomes a case of much will want more.
I think it would be fair to say that most of us have no firm idea of how far we will go or what our future needs or wants will be. Although in my case I have reached my pinnacle, there is only one step left and that is one I'm not prepared to take, as I've mentioned before elsewhere. I have seen it so many times where people have said they have reached where they want to be with it all, only to find after a time that the urgency starts to overtake them again and they need to go a step further. Whether this happens in your hubby's case only time will tell. Your hubby is in all liklihood genuine at this stage in what he tells you regarding his need of only dressing once or twice a fortnight. It may well turn out some time in the future this may change, or it may not, if it does then that doesn't mean that he's lied to you now, he is probably just honestly saying how he thinks currently. It's quite a natural happening that peoples needs and wants change with time with anything in life, but especially in our cases.
I always believe that one of the most important things in any marriage or committed relationship is continuous communication. Healthy communication means putting your feelings and wants into the right words words. That may seem at first glance the easiest thing in the world for two people to do, but my experience in many cases is that what people thought was good healthy communication was far from it. Honest open talk is a wonderful thing, it opens many doors and breaks down many barriers. Everyone desires communication and sometimes our desperate need for respectful communication is so powerful that the lack of it creates barriers which adversely effects relationships.
How we have achieved what we have in our marriage came about by each asking the other exactly what we wanted and effectively communicating at any given time how we felt about anything. It's also essential for couples to develop the art of listening and trying to understand. Hearing is a natural sense but listening is a developed art. It's a great help if a couple can develop the art of listening to each other so that each knows they have been listened to and not just heard.
It's not essential to agree but it is in my book essentail to be actually heard and listened to and that applies to both parties.
To sum it all up, if I didn't have the blessing of my wife and family then I don't know where I would be today. I'm very fortunate to have the lady I have because life would be unbearable without her, but then it would also be unbearable if I couldn't be the true person I am. Both are precious to me and I tell myself every day how fortunate I am to have both, but believe me, it didn't just happen, we had our down times too in the early days, we also had to work through many things and different stages, but we survived it all by doing what I mentioned above about communicating and listening to each other which led us to find common ground and quality compromises.
I wish you both well with it all, one of my favourite sayings is, if there's true love then there's always hope that anything can be achieved. It's great that the two of you can talk openly and I would suggest if you have any doubts or queries then always ask him exactly what you want to know. He'll appreciate and welcome it I assure you. I know many Cding hubbys who would give anything for their wife to ask questions and express exactly what's on their mind. I've had numerous wives and G/F's tell me that they are afraid to ask the pertinent questions because they are afraid of the answers, which only makes it so much harder for common ground to be established.
My Kindest Regards.
Sally.
Watch nature, because it’s our greatest teacher, it moves and flows and moves on again. We can never be free until we disengage, so allow life to flow as you find it. The way it is, is the way it is.
Usually I dress fully 2-3 times a week but only once a month with a wig and make up. I must say that my relationship does affect my dressing frequency. If I lived alone I might be dressing 4-5 times a week but I´m
quite happy with our situation now, when we have no secrets anymore. In my opinion my girlfriend has a right to live with a man who wears men´s clothes most of the time. I can´t make the rules alone in this relationship and I´m flattered every time she offers her assistance for make up or like a few days ago when she wanted to choose my clothing for that night.
I can understand your SO´s feelings very well because at least in our case
the support and nice words from my girlfriend make all the difference. When I´m dressed we watch tv, cook together and talk talk talk because talking keeps our love alive and our relationship working.
You brought out some interesting facts.
