Does Anyone Else Feel This Way?

[Jamie Ann]

I was noticing that there have been a lot of shows on recently, especially over the past year, about TG people. The only problem is that the majority of them have been about TS's and transition. As the spouse of a CD'r, I find myself feeling uncomfortable as I watch these shows, as they bring about fears and anxiety that my husband might someday want more.

     The quote above is from the “Finding Out / What's Next” area. Since I want to respond, and one needs special clearance to post in that other area, I will do the next best thing and post here. In my judgment, the best remedy for such discomfort is a realistic appraisal of the pertinent probabilities.

     In round numbers, there are approximately 100 million adult males in the United States today. Conservatively, about 4% of them are crossdressers. That is about 4 million total. According to (probably) reliable medical sources, there are about 30,000 SRS’s (sexual reassignment surgeries) performed in the U.S. each year (or elsewhere, but on resident U.S. citizens). While that is not a trivial number — anyone who lives in a moderate-sized American town probably encounters a transsexual from time to time, without even being aware of that — it does suggest that the odds of a CD opting for SRS are rather small (about ¾ of 1%). And most of those who do are persons who have felt from an early age they were “born in the wrong body.” Although there are exceptions to almost anything, a person who feels that way is not likely to date women and then enter into a heterosexual marriage. For married heterosexual crossdressers, the chances surely are much smaller than the overall figure, probably no greater than ¼ of 1%. Thus, the television documentaries about married heterosexual crossdressers deciding that they want to “go further” are about very unusual cases. For more information on the kinds of circumstances where a person actually does get SRS, see, for instance, the SRS web page of the human sexuality program at the University of Missouri-Kansas City.

     Your feelings of discomfort are understandable, but the best advice is to recognize the tiny odds that a married crossdresser would decide to “go further.” Many transsexuals are among the nicest people you could ever want to meet, and they deserve our respect, but only in rare cases have they been in heterosexual marriages before transitioning.

[Beauty]

Jamie Ann,

This was a brilliant idea!

I hope this helps Kay. I have thought about it, but will not be getting SRS. It's not who I am.

Again, great idea. I think this helps Kay with her feelings of wondering what will happen with her SO.

Thank you Jamie Ann!!!

Beauty

[Virginia]

I know that I am not the least bit interested in SRS. Having been married 28 years and just recently (in the past year) having the wonderment of having Deborah emerge into my life. I am having the time of my life just dealing with "her." As Carl Jung says, it is up to the male to control the anima, if the male is unable or does not wish to control the anima, then "she" will take over - I guess some of us have that happen consciously or in some cases unconsciously. Jung says that if the male can control the anima, then the two will either develop a parallel relationship or the two personnas will merge but in either case these two sceneiros will produce a much happer, compassionate, loving, empathic individual who can do great things. The stage of parallelling or merging is the final - yet on going stage in one's life, assuming that they recognize what they. are becoming. Jung also says that in this final stage, dressing can become secondary or disappear all together, but it will last for the remainder of the person's lifetime. And they and all that they come in contact with will benefit from this "gift" we have been given.
Love,
Deborah

[Celia]

Jamie, could you be a dear and modify the title of your poll to reflect the restriction you've placed on participation? Thanks.

Yours,
Celia

[Jadeanne]

In the now almost 2 years since Jadeanne emerged, I just like to enjoy, visit, and appreciate a few facets of feminity.

I don't want to live there. I'm content with just very gradually exploring new femme things.

My wife is supporting and knows that I can remove the clothes, jewelry, wash off the occasional makeup, and be her loving husband.

If I lost the love of my life, then all bets are off. I don't know if my Jadeanne persona would diminish. For almost 10 years I was an on and off guitar and bass player, developing a solo performer acoustic coffehouse persona and an electric rocker persona, and for a couple of years college disk jockey, several on-air characters (depending on what music I was playing). Each highlighted different facets of myself. My arthritis now prevents my guitar playing. The performer personas are no more and that was likely one of the factors for the emergence of Jadeanne.

[Kersten Lee]

Hi All,

I am quite comfortable that I don't and will never wish to transition. I
have been married for 29 years and love my wife very dearly,
even though we do have a number of struggles going on quite often.

When I started to go out occasionally for a walk en femme, there was
some excitement of the forbidden (11 years ago). Now I would just like
to dress how I feel. I would love to throw on a skirt, blouse and heels
and go out as is. Then there are times when I need to see that person
I am, reflected in the mirror, and for others to see and accept my
image of myself. I guess I can say I would dress like the majority
of woman. Wear what's comfortable most of the time and be my
most feminine for special occasions and when I need to pamper
and look my best.

Now I feel I must be the most passable I can be to be safe and
comfortable.
At home I am almost always in feminine clothes, except outside in
daylight rarely.

Great Question,
Kersten

[Caroline]

Hi Everyone,

I hope no-one thinks that I'm doing violence to their opinions when I say this, but the consensus of opinions posted so far seem to be that whilst we enjoy expressing 'female' aspects of our personality, we want to remain 'male'. At least, that's exactly where I stand.

Frankly, whilst I enjoy all the surface trappings that I consider 'feminine', I couldn't be bothered with having to do that everyday. As it is, some days I can't even be bothered doing what a man's supposed to do (I mean shaving, in case you're wondering).

Apart from my personal reasons for not wanting to be a woman, I think that they get a pretty raw deal in our respective societies, as if they are second-class citizens.

Only this morning, one of my male neighbours was declaiming to a bunch of like-minded (i.e. moronic) guys, "...the trouble is, when you put ANY woman into a position of power...blah, blah, blah", and they all agreed with him that 'women in power is a bad thing'. Best of it is, my neighbourhood is an enclave of teachers, most of whom are also 'devout' church-goers, but all that has made them is a bunch of articulated small-minded bigots. Is it any wonder, however, that women get a raw deal in our society when attitudes like that are prevalent?

Sorry, I've gone off-topic again.

Regards to all,

Caroline.

[Kersten Lee]

Caroline,

I have talked about these attitudes of my male coworkers in how they
degrade women in general and the women that we work side by side with.
What kills me is that generally the higher they are in management the worse these men are. I will say these men are in a minority though.

For myself I am not truly transexual. I do not desire to be a woman
because of these men or because yet of the attitude in society that
women are second to men. In a national pole I would guess our position
as CDers would rate far below women and lower yet if men were only
polled.

I know this much about myself. In sexual matters I am a man. In
emotional, ethics, value of children and home, art, view of self, the value
of life, I am a woman. In my professional life I am a man. As a
man/woman I love function and beauty when combined. Dressing
gives life to the woman in me.

Kersten