Hey, Carol Ann! I thought of you as soon as I read this . . . I double-dog-dare you to do this the next time you're at WalMart (in drab, that is)!!
A Retiree's Trip to WalMart
Yesterday I was at my local WalMart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog.
As I stood in the check-out line, the woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
When I heard her say that, I wondered: 'what does she think I have: an elephant?'
So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time; but, that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet - and that the way that it works is: you load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in the check-out line now seemed to be enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I replied, "No. I stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me."
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack because he was laughing so hard.
WalMart won't let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think up crazy things to say.
- SL
Proud Military Family - Navy, Army, Coast Guard, National Guard 
I guess Carol Ann should stay quiet, then, and let her male counterpart do the talking in line.
