Who should I come out to & how?

[Kittie]

I came out to my wife and daughter about 8 months ago but nobody else except an online d friend.
I feel I would be a lot happier if I did in some way. I only dress femme at home. I do, howver, generally wear femme lingerie and in outside wear as far as I can . At gym I sometimes wear a schimmel with built in bra and would love to wear a full swim costume. To me that are more comfortable. I would appreciate comments

[DonnaT]

I feel I would be a lot happier if I did in some way.

If you feel that way, then surely you must have someone in mind who you'd like to come out to.

From one of your other posts, I'm guessing that that someone would be your sons. You are the only one who can make that decision.

Either that or maybe you'd like to join a social group for CD/TG support, just to be out to more people, people who won't judge you?

[Kittie]

Yes probably my son or a social group. Thanks for the comment. It took quite a bit of courage to tell my daughter

[Karin]

Hi kittie,
Maybe it depends on why you want to out yourself before you can best decide?
If its for 'validation' (and there's nothing wrong with that) then of course a help or support group could be just the ticket. That way you can side step the issues with your sons, and still get on with things.
I craved validation early on but then as I progressed things have changed a bit. Now its more like I need to tell people cos I feel like a fraud if I don't? For instance I told another guy at work today cos he broached the subject tactfully. I can't lie to a friend and still call it friendship can I? So I told him and it went really well.. still friends and better for it.

Sooo, I say ask yourself WHY?. What are you looking to achieve?, and then go from there...

Have a good luck bow.........

[Davita]

I was never one for the closet but understood the reality to be in it. When I decided I had enough, I made plans. I don't go about this willie nillie. I made two lists -- those I needed them to know and the list of they should never know. Everyone else not on the list didn't matter if they knew or not. I weighted the pros and cons of what would happen if I told which person. It's that age old problem of it's no secret if you can't tell your closest friend, ya know? I prioritized the need to know list to give me -- yeah me -- what I needed. When you start this coming out business, you need to consider who you can afford to lose. Not everyone will deal with it like you think. So far I've been sssssooooooo lucky in my judgement calls.

Here's a statement from my web site,

We can tell our closest friends our darkest secrets without worry as they are our closest friends. They have those values as human beings we require. It is because of those values that we know, in fact, it is safe to tell them.

I even have a redneck friend who deals with my transgender. I knew I could tell him because I knew him well enough. I didn't say it above, but eventually I had a list of it would be nice or okay if they knew. He was on that list.

So, as Karin said, you need to know why you're coming out because that affects your lists. It affects, too, how you're going to talk about yourself. Now for me, I've covered the extent of my lists and now I have what I call victim parties. I have those in my circle join me in setting up a cohort that gets told by meeting Davita face on -- usually an after hours when all of us need a break from w**k anyway.

Hope this helps.

[Kittie]

All the comments were helpful. Thanks!

[Ralitsa]

To me the whole idea of "coming out" involves making some sort of an announcement and providing some sort of explanation.
And in that regard, who in your life is entitled to that? I would say only people who are very close to you or whom you feel deserve an explanation. I would say that you do not need to explain yourself to everyone who might possibly find out.
There are plenty of people that know I crossdress but I have only ever really made an effort to explain it to my (now ex) wife several years ago. But I also have several (women) friends who like to talk to me about it, which isn't really the same thing. If some one is curious and wants to know about it, I'm perfectly willing to talk with them, but I don't feel like I owe anyone an explanation.
Most of them ask if I'm uncomfortable talking about it and I tell them that I like talking about it, almost as much as I like doing it, so they'd better be really sure they want to hear the answer before they ask the question
So it's all about how you view the matter. Do you feel like you need to warn someone before just randomly showing up in a dress and heels? Is there someone who's acceptance you want? Are you concerned that this information is restricted to those with a need to know? I think those are the factors that determine to whom and how you announce yourself.

[Bernice]

I think all parents universally wish that children came with instruction manuals.

I surmise that in a similar fashion, we gender-gifted wish fervently that all people came with labels tattooed across their foreheads: "Will accept you" and / or "will not accept you".

Is there any point telling someone who you know will not accept you?

Hugs,

Bernice

[Paulette]

Keep in mind that there are many ways to come out, and many reasons to do so or not.

Find out what your reasons are, and then what your fears are. Then think about it for while and see if it's still true.

[Ginger]

I found it ALOT easier to talk to and tell ex girl friends and lady friends of mine.

I know for a fact that if I told any of my guy friends they would never speak to me again and most certainly treat me as freak. That's the type they are. Not much being said for the type of friends I have, but since I only have 2 guy friends I don't want to risk it.

So far each girl I told is ok with it, now that being said, all of them aren't really wanting to help or be more a part of my life except one. An ex girl friend from 20+ years ago is wanting to help me dress and actually fullfill some fantasies as a couple, but not in a relationship, just extending our friendship to another level. Woohooo!!!!

[Davita]

From my web site and one of my enlighted selves,
"We can tell our closest friends our darkest secrets without worry as they are our closest friends. They have those values as human beings we require. It is because of those values that we know, in fact, it is safe to tell them."
...Frogbert

That said, if we goof in our judegement, we goof. You simply have to be prepared for a certain amount of lost friends and then you just might gain one or two too.