The dawning of a new life!

[Anne Bonny]

I am realizing that yes there are potential bad consequences if certain people know I live as a woman on occasion.

A new thought this morning after painting and top coating my brilliant shiny red toe nails, fully enfemm from head to foot...If I were to receive a call from the hospice social worker saying she wanted to stop by this morning. I shook my head and thought..you know I don't want to change, in that event I would ask her are you by your self? if she stated yes, then I might just ask her can you keep something confidential? She would say yes due to Hippa laws, then I would simply tell her well I am currently wearing a dress and do not want to run change you can come now or come back later but under no circumstances are you to tell anyone else involved in my wife's care about this because no one has to know and it has no impact on P. I might even be willing to see her and the chaplin together since the chaplin already knows.

A huge hurdle would be my neighbors knowing not a good Idea - you pick your battles and there are plenty of rednecks fishing up and down the shore from time to time that is another battle to avoid definitely or get pounded probably with unsympathetic policemen most likely coming were I to call, but I would change at that point. But there would indeed be a higher penalty for pounding me for who I am (Hate Crime). If I were to press charges it would probably make the local paper...If the Church found out I would probably be forced to stop going, or would just do so on my own and see if they came by to persuade me to return - now that would be really neat with the stipulation I only come as my primary gender and sex of course - wouldn't bother me.

With any major advance, I think I am a little crazy need time to get my head around all of this it will settle down, right now I am back in male mode - things to do...

[Karin]

Hi Anne,
Congratulations to you, I know its hugely liberating. The truth is, you don't need to do anything differently than you have been. I mean, why do anything differently to what you might have last week? (if the hospice lady called?)

As you may know , I came out to a large workforce recently and got no bad reception, just support. I was soooo anxious about how that'd go, and I've been looking over my shoulder just waiting for the sting that hasn't come. It certainly does take some getting used to I agree. I had a chat about my anxieties with a worker there and he understood the stakes etc. He told me that I won't get any flak at all from anyone -Then he qualified that by saying ‘its because people like me as a person, so why would they care?‘ Its hard to take in. The people who know and love you.. for YOU won't have an issue.

I won't be doing anything different at work 'post op' to what I do already, Be that clothes or anything else, (I've been asked that), and people seem able to digest what I am - cos they already see. Its just one small aspect of a person and not ALL they are.

I'd be cautious not to make sudden changes, and just enjoy the freedom of mind? Over a period of time things will gradually unveil themselves at a pace that other people can digest things, and that makes a huge difference. There's people I work with that would've tore me up if I just 'showed myself' before they knew me better. Now they make me drinks

So don't stress it. Relax, enjoy it, and take your time. It'll be worth it. You'll see.

[Latanya]

i understand u completely anne
and lots to think about with all this
one comment about the church
they might be for understanding than u think
i am not of ur faith, i am jewish but when i opened up to a few of my rabbi's i was surprised to see that they were very understanding! one even tried to put my conflict in perspective by stating that original man(adam) was born both male and female!

[Sarah Beth]

There are those you could trust with your secret and those you couldn't. I see you mention the rednecks fishing and it would be a bad thing if they knew. I can relate to that to oh so much. I was just in convenience store today and hearing some of the comments they were making about things makes me wonder if we have come as far in this world as I had thought.

Its one of the reasons I don't get all dolled up at home very often. One never knows who might come by. I've had to rush and change so many times if I had been wearing any makeup at all I would never have made it.

[Paulette]

Anne, as a Gulf State resident I thoroughly understand your concern with being out and visible. I wouldn't do so anywhere near my home, or anytime after sun down. Mine is a college small town, which means there are educated as well as uneducated bigots. Be careful.

Good thoughts, Karin. And yes, being well liked makes all the difference. And for public speaking, yes, naming the devil - saying that you are very nervous and afraid of public reaction to your audience gets everyone on your side and empathetic.

Go, both of you!

[Davita]

Anne,

When I decided I needed out, I made two lists -- those I wanted them to know and the list of who should never know. Eventually I added a third list -- those it didn't matter if they knew or not. Yeah, this crazy lady had a plan. I also recognized no good secret will go unshared; someone is going to share it. For that I just asked certain conditions had to be met. For example, the info could not reach the list of who should never know and that the sharing should be as limited as possible. One of those people in my list of who shouldn't know would have been okay, but she would blab to the world.

Now the time frame for all this coming out? Well getting out too .... Think about it like a bucket list. You're goal is to get it done before you die. So you have the rest of your life to meet your goals. Anything you want to happen faster than that, you could think of adding possible mistakes. Mistakes? Misjudging a person you came out to. When you decide and I heard ya, you need to weigh the consequences -- who can you afford to lose. In the same breath, interestingly enough, you might gain a person here and there. Your life is ever evolving and so your plans will evolve as will your circle of close people.

As you are doing, be cautious. I suggest working to a plan. The plan takes some of the pressure off by letting you work in some alternatives in advance. It let's you play the "what if" games. A plan helps you see progress that might not be so obvious otherwise.

Good luck.

[Anne Bonny]

Thank's to all of you. I feel as If I have climbed to the top of a new peak and can see where I am. Widening that door more and more is the best thing I have ever done for myself! who knows now? Wife, older son, psychologist, hospice chaplin, a friend from a dating site who is my pen pal some day we will meet, and now one of my sisters (the first full blooded relation to know). All are supportive no one I have told has been negative or flipped out and spilled the beans. But if that were to happen, I am retired, am independently solvent, and though I may lose some contacts the consequences would be nothing that I could not endure and remain intact so in a sense I am free! It may someday come to the point that I do not care who knows and then no one will have any leverage on me. My life is secure and independent of everyone.