Psychological "Friction"

[Anne Bonny]

This is a good term Friction or resistance. As our emotions or moods change we can only go where they lead suppose that is not resistance but is why my desire to dress changes though it is always there because it is part of who I am. Friction or resistance is what prevents us from feeling truly relaxed and happy in our comfortable feminine clothing we would otherwise desire to wear freely. How often do we prick up our ears, whip our heads around or run quickly to check to see if someone is coming to our door who may possibly see us in a dress or in make up or other female clothing.

The clothing is I find probably more practical for men due to the issue of binding that can rarely occur when our genitals can get caught on the seam of a pant leg - ouch! skirts and dresses completely eliminate that problem. Our genitals are also cooler which is important if you are starting a family it can be helpful. Of course support for breasts we do not have and of even the need to be modest about them is at best debatable.

Anyway when in the mood and giving rein to my feminine desire I find I am just so comfortable but I have to work on decreasing Psychological Friction. Part of this is done by opening the door wider and wider, and in perhaps being brazen enough to work through all of this often enough until eventually our dressing is as normal for us and those around us as seeing us in full masculine mode and clothing.

Every person like us encounters this friction at some level and it does require work to reduce. Disclosure is the best tool I am finding most people so far are understanding and supportive, but there are groups and individuals that require our discretion depending of their ability to harm us financially or socially. I am retired so will not be losing my job over this but there will always be some groups I choose to continue to interact with around who I must be discrete or I will most likely lose that contact - and I understand If I did it is no loss on my part but on theirs, and there is always the possibility I may be surprised that they would have understood and been fine with it all along. So I must be careful right now where I may choose to go out in public if at all because of that. But were I to decide to go "streaking" so to speak everything would shake out all at once and I would only find out all at once who my real friends are which in the end is still an absolutely wonderful outcome, either way I cannot lose. Only those who are narrow minded idiots will choose not to have contact with a very nice person and a true friend - me! In that case it is their loss not mine because they could never really be my friend anyway once they know me. Too bad for them. Dressing brings joy to my life.

I hope someday to be able to enjoy a partner again (after - my wife is not going to recover short of a miracle) and I can see us laughing and hugging and playing together happily around the house even when I am dressed. I would love the teasing and the loving interplay between a wife and a husband.

[Hope]

Anne, I think you've nailed it....at least for me! I've been wearing only dresses for about 6 weeks now. My level of comfort (psychologically anyway) is as high as I ever remember. And indeed, I think that is due in large part to just getting used to it. My dear wife now comments she doesn't get nearly as 'startled' when she first sees me in makeup and hair....she is getting used to it? And, of course the more relaxes she seems, the more relaxed I get.

Too, I find myself leaving the curtains open more, and attempts to block views in are getting less demanding. I'm confident nobody can see in anyway, unless they have come into the yard and have their faces against the window to peer in...LOL. But I found myself with a new fear! What if I get so comfortable I forget and just walk out?

I don't go out. Much for the same reasons you stated. I am retired as well, and in any event, I think I tend to blow things up disproportionately! My mind rips right to....if such-and-such across the street saw me, then he would likely call the tabloids and there would suddenly be several news trucks parked in front with cameras rolling and....

Yes...see? irrational and disproportionate to the reality....nobody would likely take notice nor care too much. Sigh...and all this time I felt so special! LOL

I am so sorry about your wife's difficulty. I divorced many years ago and eventually met my current bride. We've been married for coming up on 17 years now and such a difference. She supports my 'hobby' and has been so wonderful. She doesn't understand why in the world I would relish wearing a bra and dress with all those poufy petticoats getting in the way, nor the wonder of putting on makeup and nail polish. But she does know it's part of who I am, and laughs with me....not at me. And I would have hated to miss any of our life together.....

Thanks for your comments....oh how I admire all the folks here.

Hope

[Anne Bonny]

6 weeks - wow! I have gone for a couple weeks but the most lately is perhaps most of a day. But we are all different there is no right or wrong way to be a crossdresser. Sounds like you have a good relationship with your wife and really aren't that worried about the neighbors. I will keep working on it.

[Sarah Beth]

What an inciteful treatise on the world of a crossdresser. I had never thought of it just that way before. I can see that resistance, that friction, in myself.

[Gillian]

There are some interesting thoughts here. I tend to uses different words to describe it, but I sort of see it as being very similar. The words friction, or resistance are being used, where I tend to use the word stress. But I need to define this word as it tends to be used in the wrong context. Stress is, pressure, or tension, demand on physical, or mental energy. Let me use a couple of simple examples. You are playing a card game, or board game and there is energy and emotions comsumed in wanting to win, it is stress, but a good kind that comes in playing a game. The second one is similar, your favorite sports team is playing and you are watching. You get "into" the game and as the end draws near, the stress of who is going to win gets your emotions involved, and energy is consumes with your yelling, cheering, and body movement through the situation. This is also to me a good kind of stress. Now on the other hand, you have distress, and by defination it is, anguish or suffering caused by pain, sorrow, worry, or exhaustion; a state of difficulty or helplessness. There is a very thin line between the two, but there is a difference.

Now when we look at Cding and all that comes into play, you can see that both stress and distress could be happening at the same time. There can be a type of excitement that can come from taking the risks of getting caught, and the anguish of getting caught. Yet that potential of getting caught does not stop someone from continuing to take risks, because of the pressure, tension "rush" that come with "playing the game". My wife can not stand to watch suspence movies and tends to not watch sports, because she does not like the stress that comes with them. There are many games she will not play for the same reasons. Personally, I think that many play sports, games, take chances, because they like the "rush" that come form being involved in these activities. This stress adds to their life in the same way that someone would add pepper to their food, they want to spice it up somewhat. Fantasys work in similar ways. Not meaning to be crude, but one could masturbate quickly in the shower, or spice it up by getting dressed up, and have a fantasy to go with it. Then the individual adds other risk factors and the stress just adds up to the thrill of it all. Why do you think that people climb rock walls in the mountains, or sky dive, they get an endorphin "rush" from doing it. People also get endorphin "rushes" from sex also.

These are just my thoughts, I personally find dressing fun, exciting, relaxing, and generally enjoyable. It is like I can get a slow release the these endorphins into my body that helps me to relax and enjoy life by simply putting on some feminine clothing. This makes perfect sense when you think that these endorphins are a naturally occuring opiate that is made within our own bodies. Maybe we need this stress, resistance, tension, to help with the release of the endorphins?

Here are some questions for me, but you can think about them also. "Do I want this psychological friction to go away"? If it is gone will things still be the same, or will I have to find other risks to take to get my "endorphin fix"? Is one of the reasons I have added more articles of feminine apparel to my dressing up over the years been because I now need them to get the same results that one feminine article brought me 20 years ago? I don't see stress as a bad thing, but I do see distress as being bad! So I walk a razors edge, and that can be fun!

[Anne Bonny]

Hi Gillian,

I think we are talking about two different things. When I am feeling "feminine" and want to dress so that I feel more complete there is a feeling of relief, comfort and joy. I like wearing female clothing when I am in the mood and my hope is that someday I can do so without this friction that hinders my ability to feel at ease. Sure the clothing feels different and I do enjoy that. It is mildly sensuous and very pleasant to identify with women. All I want is to be able to do so and have this be just a normal part of life. I want to be in a relationship with a woman who understands and who loves me no matter how I am dressed. I want to be free to live my life and of course be able to go wherever I want to dressed however I please.

Yes, I do absolutely want the friction or resistance to go completely away.

Sex is a part of life and I want to be seen as attractive and be wanted and loved no matter what I have on. Why should that make any difference? I am not saying that I have no fantasies or dream of the perfect woman for me but that is not why I dress. I do not need female clothing to function, and I am not always in female clothing when I am after my wife who is. When I am feeling feminine I do enjoy being loved and having a partner who would take the lead and make love to me. It is so boring to always be the one taking the lead and being on top every time. I like being passive and receptive of my partner's love for me - I need that or my sex life is inadequate and most of the time I would enjoy being receptive when wearing sexy feminine clothing appropriate for the bed. If I am making the love well the roles are reversed and lovemaking is conventional with the wife being passive and feminine and myself being on top.

[Anne Bonny]

Though no one seems interested here again I say that I desire the complete absence of psychological friction as I call it. For me full acceptance, understanding, support and encouragement and love is far more sensuous and thrilling then any "pleasure/humiliation desire" someone who is in constant fear of being caught or outed experiences. I wish that everyone knew. My wife's sitter is so accepting and matter of fact even telling me not to be down on myself because this is just who you are - that is not a fantasy I made up that is real life acceptance as I stated above and for me that is beyond words to express. She is a super nice christian lady who has had a very hard life but who has risen never the less. I am fully dressed and happy this morning as I care for my wife and pick up around the house with minimal fear though I know I do need to change in a while because my younger son has no clue and may be home early.

A loving relationship is priceless. (not with my wife's sitter) but with her I am receiving the kind of attitude I always wished for but I would never ever do anything until my wife is gone, I love my wife and I honor our marriage. I am living out what a christian marriage is and proud of it.

To just be dressed completely with make up etc and to feel "just dressed" and as normal as if I were completely in clothing guy clothing is what I want. I want normal, and natural and I feel comfortable and like how I am dressed. I identify with women and feel a little connection with part of who women are - not highly aggressive, more peaceful, reasoned, loving...part of me though I did a poor job of explaining it is just like that comfortable with and around women with a shared outlook on life.

To be fully accepted as a person who shares a feminine outlook and to be able to move in a social circle with "other" women (or to be included into a women's circle of friends and accepted and considered to be just another "woman") for me that would be it, that and then to have the kind of acceptance at home as our sitter friend gives me now, I hope to meet such a woman someday, who knows perhaps our sitter may turn out to be her - because 00.01% of women are able to accept us fully like that. If I had that I could die in ecstacy.

Whew...all of that yet like my Spitfire I downshifted and had a shower and here I am in full male mode ready for my son to come home ...except for the nylon panties which fit much better than my male briefs, shaved legs and iced mauved top-coated toe nails which just are and out of sight out of mind. wife on BSC, I am about to go work on the driverside parcel shelf in the car so the full dash will be finished and restored, some fitting, a few cuts, drilling assembling, testing fit then disassembly, staining and then varnish and reassembly in a few days and final instillation. the dangling wire interfered with my clutching the other night at 50 mph I thought something round had fallen down there - it is dangerous so I am spurred into finishing that. then lunch, my walk, being a father...news...etc. Life for me turns on a dime pretty amazing isn't it. We are complicated people.

[Paulette]

A cautionary note, Anne. It's very easy to see what you want to see in others. It's called Confirmation Bias, and it happens all the time.

Your wife's sitter has seen many things among the people she has worked with. I'd be surprised if you were the only cross dresser she's met. So don't read too much into her acceptance, and keep in mind that her professional relationship with clients is a tricky one. She has to accept who they are and how they behave, so long as they don't intrude on her private life. And remember that she seems to be almost the only single person who has seen you dressed, so there's no way to compare her with others.

Please be careful here.

[Anne Bonny]

Thanks Paulette,

I am so housebound I can go for my hour long 2.5 mile walk rain or shine, now in the low 180's was 181, but took a diet holiday for my son's birthday, and today have been back on it. I am pushing hard to make my 178 pound goal which I believe is the correct weight for me. I got my camisoles and they are a perfect fit. With my bra and a camisole under my shirt it is like wearing the female version of a t shirt with my panties. The silky ones have a little silk bow in front and the edges are trimmed in lace, the cotton ones are not as fancy. As I start thinking about bedtime I am back in feminine mode and will sleep in a chemise and panties which I have been doing for a while now. Women are so lucky to have such silky things to wear, and of course men like us are lucky to have such things to wear too.

Yeah...I will be careful. She is such a nice person, and we talk because I am starved for adult conversation. Sometimes I just stay and talk. She has been with us a long time and in the summer she came with her male friend who she has since separated from permanently because he had some problems which she had worked with for a few years but in the end he was continuing in his problems which for her was the last straw. I do not know that I would desire to be more than friends. but if so it would not be until my wife is gone. It is hard because she is so accepting and that is such a rare thing to find. I do respect her she has had a hard life married twice both ended badly, and this last was not a marriage. Her children are all grown. She is as I say a christian lady with an open mind, likes Ellen and has told me she has someone in her family who is gay and that they are just that way which is another reason I opened up to her. Told her I would like to take her sailing someday and she said she would like that. I am not going to remain alone when my wife is gone but will date and my sons tell me they understand of course. If you find an accepting woman who is meeting my criteria then It is wrong not to consider possibilities in the distant future.

You are right in that It is an employer, employee situation and I agree though I do believe she is sincere.