The post I was originally responding to was from Tea-cake:
This statement really struck a chord with me. It was just such a challenge that occured three years ago that started me down the path of introspection on this latest leg of my journey.Tea-cake wrote:I wonder if experiencing great loss or grappling with emotional challenges---disorders and the like ---can create empathy with regards to not first pinpointing on faults in others.
Without getting into the gory details, my mother spent more of the year 2001 in hospitals and rehab facilities than she spent at home. Just as she was allowed home, I was laid off from my job. When it seemed things couldn't get much worse, my father, who was exhausted from my mother's ordeal became bedridden himself and nearly died.
So, here I was, no job, no income, credit card debt, car loan, mom in a wheel chair and dad too weak to even get out of bed.
That's when I became the caregiver. Only, thinking back over that time, it was really Kathy that became the caregiver. It was also during that time, in the odd quiet moment when I started reading books about crossdressing and looking up information on the web. I also started dressing more in the femme clothing.
But I also started looking at myself in the mirror and asking "Who are you?".
So, yes, Tea-cake, that kind of emotional challenge was the trigger mechanism for me to take that long hard look inside myself. And there were some things that I didn't like. But I was able to draw strength from Kathy's side of me to do what was needed to pull my parents back from the edge. To keep a positive attitude and a smile on my face while both of them were suffering from their own form of depression.
Today, mom is walking around with a brace on her leg and a cane that she usually forgets to use anymore. Dad is not only out of bed but climbing the stairs to the 2nd floor to his bedroom under his own power. I still don't have a job but, for the moment, my job is still here with them. But it will soon be time for me to take my leave and tend to my own needs.
Until a very few, very short weeks ago, I had nobody but myself to help me sort out my feelings and try to understand where I fit in this life. Then I found this forum and all of you.
I still don't have all of my answers but in these last few weeks I have learned much about myself. By entering into the discussions and exchanging viewpoints with others, I have enhanced my own point of view and have gained a new perspective. I expect that evolution will continue and hope that my own posts will help others on their journies.
I'm sure some of you are wondering so I will answer the question here. Everyone in my immediate family has, at some time, known about my crossdressing. My parents caught me in the act more times than I can count when I was a teenager. But, since I moved back in here, the topic has not been discussed. Given what they have been through and are still going through, I have no desire to drop any bombs on them. Which is why I am careful in my selection of day to day clothing. However, I also don't take any great pains to hide my wardrobe. If I am asked about it, I will tell the truth and go from there.
So that is the much abbreviated tale of my journey over the last few years. Now that I have someone to "talk" to, I am actually looking forward with hope rather than doubt. And I thank you all for that change.
I'm sure I have left many questions unanswered here. Feel free to ask them. I find the process of considering my responses and posting them to be refreshingly theraputic. I have only one secret in my life and you already know what that is.
and thanks Kathy.