Part II - family Counselling

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Fri Jul 02, 2004 9:36 pm

Sorry, I was interupted!
Anyway, after we left and were driving home, I told her where I was coming from. First the reason I was going to these session was it was the only place where I could get her to talk, and that I wanted to preserve our realtionship and that I love her and she knows it! Also, I would do what ever is necessary to alter my speech patterns, voice inflections whatever she was unhappy with. BUT - I would no longer put up with her threats of divorce!!!! She was not to try and threaten me or think she was intimidating me with those threats and it was time to "fish of cut bait!" NOW!!!!! I will simply use Deborah's voice and BINGO!!!!!! I think that this will work, but only if ONLY IF that is the true problem and I think it is, we'll see.
POINT: If you go to counselling, take notes on what your wife says, you can't remember it all so just write it down. That is if she is willing to go.
Don't worry about who the counselor is. My opinion, most are just there to make money they could care less about your problems! ( just my opinion), but if it gets your wife to talk - SHUT THE HELL UP AND LISTEN and take notes! Note when she say, I want hm to......; or I wish he would........; if we could only..........; I feel like he's ..........;
You will see a pattern and if you want to make it work and it is within your ability, there's the map and its gold! so follow it!
Hope this helps someone,
Love you girls,
Deborah

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Sat Jul 03, 2004 7:28 am

Thanks, Spring,
Yes I think it is helping. What I was trying to say to some of our sisters is its not necessarily the counselor, but finding a venue where your wife feels comfortable in expressing herself and how she feels about anything. Some of my sisters are fortunate enough to have a spouse that will communicate with them face to face at home, but some of us are not that fortunate. I am lucky that I found the venue where she feels comfortable and I go back often and review the notes I took to see that I am "conforming" and I don't mind because it is a "win/win" situation. She gets to "vent" and I learn what she wants and/or feels and I get to allow Deborah to be herself.
Love, Deborah

S. Lisa Smith · Post by **S. Lisa Smith** » Sat Jul 03, 2004 7:29 am

The function of a good family counselor is to be the mediator and discussion leader, who makes sure that both sides get to express their opinions in as nonhostile way as possible. If the job is done correctly, then I'm sure that there will be positive results.

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Sat Jul 03, 2004 8:04 am

Thanks Lisa,
Yes that is the purpose and for us it is working because it provides venue where my wife feels comfortable in expressing herself. I guess i should apologize if I offended any therapist or counselors. I am sure that some are truly interested in helping those that come to them. I just have a problem with paying someone to do something that "we" can do in the privacy of our own homes - that is if we can communicate. I am the beneficiary of just the opposite so I guess it's the old saying "whatever works." Fortunately, this seems to be working for us!
Love, Deborah