Living a more openly transgender life.

[Anne Bonny]

What does it mean to live a more openly transgender lifestyle? What are the personal implications, what are some of the implications for society? I am speculating others may have actual experience living openly. It is a hopeful and positive thing to think about for us.

Personally it means I am for the first time ever in my life able to be who I am, as if I have been let out of a straight jacket imposed on me by everyone from Family, Friends, and Society, and from our employers those who would hire us, or those who would accept us. It means for the first time our true spirit is able to soar. We do not change, our personality and our desires and interests and goals what we want to do with out lives really do not change much but we are now able to pursue our lives out in the open and from that people, our family, friends, society our employers will now see who we really are we are accepted and supported and encouraged because everything in our life changes from tension and hiding and frustration to being positive, relaxed, and genuine all of which will for the very first time allow us to soar as individuals and to feel really happy and fulfilled inside as people free of everything which held up down and oppressed us in the past. But not always some will reject and represent bitter losses to us but as we move on new people will fill those holes in our lives left by family, friends and employers who rejected us.

I think for society it may mean a slight drop perhaps in the rate of population growth perhaps as many do have children, some will not, we are just a small percent of any society and it may mean there would be a few more adoptions for those who wish to be parents. People who feel happy inside and fulfilled I would think will be more creative and productive and perhaps healthier. How could allowing people the freedom to be who they have always been be a negative for society? 

[Emily]

What does it mean to live a more openly transgender lifestyle?

This is a question that has been in the back of my mind since reading this post. I wasn't sure what it meant or how to respond at the time, but over the past couple of days, while at work (need to be specific here), it was a question I was constantly asking myself. Except, maybe I would instead ask "what does it mean to live a more openly feminine lifestyle?"?

I rephrase because I don't consider myself transgender, but definitely effeminate. Over the past couple of days (at work), people have noticed a change in my demeanour... I have no problem switching between my guy mode and my fem side - after all, there really isn't that much of a difference - still the same person here! But over the past couple of days, I just decided not to switch back to my guy mode (or at least in a very limited sense) and truthfully, it was nice. The consequence? Some razz, obviously... but a lot of comments about what I good mood I was in, how happy I seemed and "what happened?", LOL! Not that I am ever "unhappy", I am probably one of the happiest people I know! The only real difference is that in guy mode, I don't really show much outward emotion (guys are not supposed to, right?). Otherwise, no real difference here...

This got me to thinking about the original question though... how far could I go to live more openly femme/trans... (or whatever you want to call it!)? Mannerisms, demeanour, self-expression... that's one thing. Again, not that much different to my usual self, just more outwardly so. As mentioned, I have been called effeminate for years, so a lot of this seems pretty natural anyways. It almost seems like more of an effort to be in guy mode than it does in femme mode. But... how far can it go? Would I be as comfortable wearing feminine clothing? What about nails, makeup, etc...

Luckily, I work in manufacturing and probably about 50-75% of my time is spent out on the shop floor. Guys and girls pretty much dress the same anyways - jeans, t-shirt and baseball cap. Easy to find women's jeans that don't really look feminine - wore jeans just like that years ago at work... nobody even knew the difference! So it almost seems conceivable that for me, in my work environment anyways... I could get away with being more "open". If I really thought about it... I don't think anybody would care even if I was trans let's say...

One of the great things about my job is the diversity. The owner has often expressed how proud he is to be an employer to such a diverse group, and if there is ever a marketing opportunity to be found with that group, he'll go for it! "What! We have someone that is part of the CD/Trans community!?!?! Get the word out!!! Reach out to those people - there's got to be some potential customers there!" So, ok... maybe that last bit is a little over the top, but I feel that I am ready to be more open about who I am - my only roadblock right now seems to be the lack of acceptance from my SO... I won't get into all of that right now... but I do know I need to tell her soon. It's becoming increasingly difficult to keep this hidden and I am honestly getting to the point where I don't care what people think. I want a more open lifestyle where I can just be me - who I am. Of course, I do need to take into consideration the feeling of others... but somewhere, there is balance. I think I am just about prepared to try and find it.

[Anne Bonny]

What I meant it is clear enough you understood. It is just as Shakespeare wrote "To thine own self be true, then it follows as night the day that you cannot then be false then to" anyone. We cannot box up half of who we are. We have to be all of who we are, for some that could be full time...for others such as myself openly flowing back and forth but not hiding who I am. It may mean we are more openly on our feminine side because we no longer hold it in for anyone but freely let it have it's full rein to run whenever it comes to the extent that is possible for us that is all. Just be who you truly are.

I probably don't need my make up today...but I am beginning to feel the gentle tug in my favorite direction to move....I have lived nearly every bit of my life in the male so it is just a dull boring routine....while being able to be that other part of who I am is a spice that makes my life worth living, and I feel more alive in my feminine self.

[Emily]

We cannot box up half of who we are. Just be who you truly are.

Personally, I feel as if I have boxed up who I am for years. To an extent... I feel that I've always had to exercise contraint whether by expression, emotion, affection. Especially when in a relationship - always trying to be that person you're partner wants you to be.

But, been taking major steps forward these past few days to show who I truly am. Nothing but positive results so far! A lot of people have been calling it "the new me", though really, its just a side of me that has been buried... has been suppressed... has been conditioned to believe that I as a man must follow that guidelines of the man's handbook. Weird thing is that this conditioning was really self imposed... based on my own judgements and my own perceptions. I guess as an introvert (which by nature I am), you get used to hiding these feelings. But, as I am letting my true self shine, I am finding that I am becoming more of an extrovert - and I think that that's the basic right there... at least for me. Maybe it really has nothing to do with being transgender, or a cross dresser... maybe its really just about living a more open life, period.

[Anne Bonny]

Well, I am glad that you feel better about yourself, that is the goal. After that what you choose to do or not do is up to you living in your situation. I am still shy in some settings and there are people in my life who I care for who would never accept all of who I am. We pay a price for that but if on balance having that person or those people in our lives is of more value than being open with them then it's a trade off I am willing to make. I may feel comfortable jogging but what I wear makes it very difficult for others to see I am clothed fully in women's clothing...I blend in. When I walk my dog...pretty much the same. But I am not really comfortable going out for coffee or going onto the military base but that is alright it is all about our comfort our choices and moving in that direction more over time. I under dress much of the time in those places. Being gender fluid depending I may not be wearing anything on the female side of things if my gender is not there. You have to be comfortable but not let anyone else dictate to you who you are no one can do that and you cannot let others dictate to you what you may or may not choose to wear that is your choice too. Just be you. It is not a race, there is no deadline...find your balance and what is right for you be that full time or someone who flows back and forth because your gender is a moving flowing thing.

[Emily]

Thank you , Anne. You are absolutely right... its not a race.

Some people spend a lifetime trying to figure out who they are. Others know from a very early age. For us, however... well, we seem to have a lot more to try and figure out - not only how it affects us, but those around us as well; those who care for us and love us. Will they still feel the same if they knew? Are their affections unconditional? Can we ever be completely true to ourselves and expect others to just accept? Everyone is different. Everyone has their own opinions which they are rightly entitled to - just as we are rightly entitled to live our lives the only way we know how. We each find our own comfort level... we each have our own set boundaries. Or maybe there are some of us who have no boundaries at all. Perhaps a take it or leave it attitude? Which is great in theory! The reality though can be much, much different. Like you said Anne... "find your balance".

[Anne Bonny]

I have used my sense about people, I call it my radar...It has yet to fail me. When you know a person you can pick up clues. You can usually tell if someone has an open personality and are accepting of the differences of others they tend to be very loving types, understanding. If you are around someone long enough sometimes you even pick up attitudes towards homosexuality...I am not but it is part of our LGBTQ community...you might even pick up their open attitude toward the transgender or crossdressing community and this is like the biggest tip off...If you are lucky enough to be around them and this subject happens to come up. If they are positive on that...are open and accepting...and if they are close to you as a friend...well there is your chance to expand your inner circle of people who know and support you!

On the other hand are the religious who are conservative, or those who are traditional and close minded...these I do not ever share with they would be outside, people you have to hide it all from if you like them keep them in your life but sadly not everyone in our lives can tolerate who we are.

Gosh...using my radar I was able to expand who I am from just my wife...to each son once they were over 18 and out of high school, with the nursing aid I employ for my wife, with hospice personnel probably about 8 or more people, with a sister, a couple of my son's friends probably not a good choice but it was not a problem, with people who are online friends one of my wife's neices and her husband, a lady I used to blog with who's mother has Alzheimer's as well...

I can tell you once you begin to widen that circle and get out of the house ...driving...walking...jogging...even went to walmart...through a drive through for coffee...you sure begin to feel a whole lot better about it all and your confidence, about it all, you feel more relaxed, and yes you find that you are much happier.

We are indeed shy...we do need to work on our shyness and we will find in most cases people are too wrapped up in their own thoughts and what they are doing or where they are going to even notice us. We don't walk around with a huge red arrow pointing down at the top of our head reading here is a cross dressed person. So most of it is in our mind.

Yeah be comfortable, and do what is comfortable to you...