Here is the REAL Rant!

[Anne Bonny]

I can't help who I am, I like this dress (a beautiful tropical sundress), all of this appeals to someone I am deep inside. If this were a choice.. hum maybe it is but I can only choose to be who I am. I have always been softer, sensitive...yep. emotional...yep. caring..yeah. I like who I am. I like beauty. I like women and having females around me. I fit better here. I am sometimes uneasy around men. Don't care for some of the things they do or how they are. I am not knowledgeable or into things they are as if sports are life and death or major issues. I like cars that are dependable but I am not much of a mechanic. I find myself lagging in sports stats and rules. Know nothing of hunting or fishing. Etc. I do belong here much more than there or not. Its not something but is who I happen to be.

In this world. Yeah I yield to screams of outrage but I can't help who I am inside.
Have ALWAYS been, I was born this way.

Oh have to tug up and adjust. Forms are like clip-on's.. More so without support..(glad my pierced ears have finally healed!)

Yep...allowing myself to give full expression most mornings several hours does work well ..till I have to go out or go outside to work...too bad the world is as it is. I am having always to pretend to be someone who I am not more so than not. 

My oldest sister's coming 1st week of July it's such an affront to myself...like my younger son...it's mixed feelings...I want in my heart, I do want to see them, I do miss them...but then I also want to be who I am and can't be 'till they leave me, I feel sorry when they go but I am then relieved that I finally able to be who I am again too..

But they, nobody...is able to understand, to accept
People hurt me with objections and rejections... screw me!!!

Oh but they are not as I am, they're sane, "we're normal"..
Defining who I am as ABNORMAL!!!

That's the thing...I cannot possibly be normal! Absolutely am NOT! and that's our world. Otherwise we'd all be freely and openly living our lives!

I have a male body but I am female inside to great measure and cannot help it!!!

That's the hurt!

Oh well....on with life!

[Sarah Rene]

Hi Anne! Reading some of your posts I think make many of us stop and think back to our own days of soul searching but this one in particular spoke to me. I know I and I would guess most like us have had those moments in our past which we just said to ourselves; "Yes! This is who I am." For some of us it comes at an early age, I was 13, and for some it comes later in life. The difference in us is how we act on that admission. For me? Well I am 39 and have lived 2/3 of my life as the girl and then woman I was born regardless of the external gender markers. I had my GCS 11 years ago in case you are curious so you can see that not all that time as a complete woman, whatever that really is. I was 8 when my parents passed away and my sister who is 11 years older than me was named my guardian so I understand what you are saying about being more comfortable around women.

Before I began my journey I was always looked on as a small, scrawny kid who cried when someone said boo, caring, and the type more apt to curl up with a book than go out and play baseball with the other boys in the neighborhood. For me even back then hunting was something you were doing when looking for your size on a clearance rack and fishing is what you did through your drawers when looking for that special pair of panties. But are those what really makes a woman?

Many of the attributes you describe are the stereotypes thrust on the gender roles by society. Boys don't cry and women hate sports. I know many men who cry tears of joy and women who love sports. Neither makes them more or less masculine or feminine. Please don't take me wrong here because I am in no way question whether you are a woman or not but do not get hung up on society's expectations and generalizations in determining it. It comes from inside you. You talk of being able to appreciate beauty and that I can definitely relate to. My now life partner and I many times go to the local art museum and I look at certain objects and see not only the beauty of it but also into the soul of the artist and where it came from. See where I am going here? That IMO is a trait women possess in far greater quantity than men.

Having lived most of my life on this side and starting as young as I did I cannot even to begin to know how frustrating it can be to struggle with your identity day in and day out. What I do know though is there are many more resources available today than were in my day and acceptance of individuals like us is growing every day. The problem particularly today is the negative news dominates.

I don't know where you live but there are support groups and resources available throughout the country. You have seem to have taken that first step of self acceptance which is a huge one, the next logical step is to avail yourself of those resources. Perhaps that first step is to a support group where similar minded individuals gather or it can be a local LGBT organization or even to a therapist. That choice is yours depending on comfort level, availability, and/or personal resources. Where it is to is not as important as that you take that first step. The others will follow if and when the time is right.

You ask if you are normal? I ask you how exactly do you define what is normal? Is it like the proverbial "one size fits all" which when translated means this will fit all women as long as they are 5'5" and 115 lbs? The truth is "normal" is a statistical mean of all the results regardless of how widely skewed they are and can mean not a single one was even close to the "normal." Think of test scores, does it show yet I am a teacher yet? If you have 10 test scores and half of them are 5% and the other half 95% the statistical mean is 50%. See what I saying? In your sense normal is just another of the stereotypes society labels us with. In spite of being obviously different than most I view my life as totally normal.

Seeking help with your issue be it through a friend, a local support group, a counselor at an LGBT organization or even a therapist does not mean you are not normal or crazy. IMO it is the truly crazy that do not recognize the need for help or seek to truly understand. Nor does it mean that should discover yes you are 100% woman inside you have to take the route of transition and potentially surgery. What it means is I have questions I want answers to and guidance to my best methods of coping with it. For some such as myself it was one way, for others a different journey may be best for their particular circumstances. There is no absolute right or wrong here just what is right for the individual and their circumstances.

[Anne Bonny]

Hey Sarah...

My mother loved sports...always a tennis match...occasionally golf...and Football. I know that the lady who sat and cared for my wife was a huge Alabama fan...In fact I did give her an Alabama Hat of my wife's knowing.... well she would never be wearing it again. I do or was occasionally trying to get back into watching football...but... it is not life or death to me, winning seasons come and go...Alabama has had a dominant team for years but even they have bad seasons occasionally.
Stereotypes....Well Socrates did not like setting anything down in writing for this very reason because the author is never there to clarify or to defend their thoughts, he preferred dialogue face to face. Yes we do stereotype women as being soft...but my younger older sister is most like my father very organized and has backbone.... So I guess I am saying I am aware of all of this...in my thoughts I suppose I am bringing up reasons I tend to be more soft. In the Military I was an officer and I hated having to confront or to enforce standards...of course I did but I suppose I always naively thought people were like me...straightforward and interested in doing their best and providing good care for our patients... NOT! I remember getting in trouble because on a quiet day some of the female techs were in a back room doing the hair of one of them. I peeked in hearing voices, saw what they were doing then went on down the hall. One of them was so intimidated word got back to someone over me and ... I was rightly counseled for it. I should have counseled them and redirected them to restocking the rooms, and relaying it to my commander but...I didn't. Now many a female Nurse Manager or Nurse would have straightened that out fast!!! Stereotypes again. So, I do know. Still I am indeed seeing in myself tendencies to the softer side...women do tend toward softer things...velvet glove with the iron lining. I am not a total or complete wimp.... so I am I suppose pushing the part of myself that is soft, not sharing examples of times when I am stronger.

Right...seeing the soul of the artist....not sure I see that rather than being deeply moved by beauty...in nature or art.

Local resources....hum...I was seeing a local psychologist...but he is definitely not the one on this issue, he has a few clients a very few because he has told me of course not giving any details names or anything other than mainly I am not the only one. Local resources....along the Gulf Coast...wow...New Orleans or Mobile...I have a friend who was at a park and came across a group with their children at a small playground who were LGBT during pride month. Hum...yes...I should investigate for connections.

Normal...yes, I was stating this more that the majority in society are in that 95% and are defining us as not normal. I know we are in the statistical minority...and that while uncommon...unusual...being different does not define us as abnormal...I am completely normal...I am responsible, intelligent, was educated, had a successful career, held the wheels on the cart as my poor wife's life went down in flames as sole caregiver and parent and we came through it all ok. In retirement I am financially secure, and do everything to maintain myself my home etc.... Right. But I am one of a few who's inner self varies from my sex. Society wants to absolutely deny all the facts based on mythological religious writings rather than seeing the facts. So I struggle with the hurt of it but I am fully functional and responsible and have no need of a keeper...yes I know I am quite sane. My wife had her Doctor of Nursing Science...she was a professor so I do know of the statistics ha!

Right.. we have our own unique journey to figure out...I am at the latter third of my life unfortunately and have lived so long having to be who everyone demanded I be that I am not sure it it is who I am really or just conditioning with a long habitual practice of having to live to meet those expectations. that is the "gordian knot" that I struggle with trying to tease all of this apart so that I can untangle it...is it live...or is it memorex!? I cannot see transition ...being an old woman is not the most fun thing to look forward to, why not just stay as I am? I do see avoiding stereotypes soft things as well as strong things consistent with being a man? or a strong woman!? Am I a true gender fluid? I am beginning to see that I am trans...under the umbrella...and that that part of who I am has to be allowed to come out. I do not relish the objections and the pressures and the very real sense I would never be granted acceptance from my sons, daughter in law, they would never want be to be who I am before their children, my grand and step grandson...family in laws...etc. pressures, rejection, consequences and potential losses in judgments made... The outrage and rejections I yeald to to avoid a broken and very hurt heart...

[Diana Michelle]

Our beliefs regardless of whether they are political, religious, economic, even to an extent lifestyle (I am not talking LGBT here) or whatever are formed and clouded by environment and stereotypes with stereotypes in many ways affected by environment. When we emerge from the womb other than gender markers we are the same, a blank canvas. How we develop physically, mentally, and emotionally now becomes a function of our environment and how stereotypes play out within it. Think of a blank canvas and how one artist looks at it and sees a landscape, another a portrait, yet another an abstract. Humans are no different.

Anne you talk of many things such as the incident with doing the hair of the one tech and how a woman would have handled it. Here I have to disagree with you. How a person handles a situation is a function of their personality which is directly a function of their environment. Both women and men can be strong or weak, leaders or followers, thinkers or doers, hunters or gatherers, soft spoken or an "in your face" type, athletes or klutzes, need I go on? In a way how you describe how a woman would have handled the situation runs counter to the stereotypes. Free your mind from viewing life through stereotypical shaded glasses rather see all people for what they are, unique individuals regardless of gender.

You speak of how 95% of the populations sees us as not normal though I prefer to think of it as different but I don't believe that the number is anywhere close to that high. Most of the surveys I have seen are more issue based and those results are highly generational biased. In other words there is a much greater level of acceptance of concepts such as same sex marriage in the younger generations than baby boomers but even there the percentage of acceptance has risen over the years. The only surveys that I have seen to measure acceptance of the LGBT community as a whole are a bit older from 2010 and 2011 and they place acceptance at the mid 50 percentile range but again on a rising trend. One can interpolate the figure to be higher today. One reason I attribute to the rise in acceptance is the number coming out. Suddenly more and more are coming to grips with having a member of their family, close friend, or neighbor coming out and is almost a reverse NIMBY attitude.

Local resources, they are there you have yet to find them. The psychologist you were seeing was not the one for you but is he the only one in the area? I believe you live in Florida somewhere the near the gulf shore. I am sure the Florida or Georgia or Alabama or Mississippi have an active LGBT organization if not all of them. Now before you disregard this stop and hear me out.

Anne you and I have talked about your Triumph Spitfire in the past and how you were going to somewhat restore it. To do that you need parts and to find those how did you locate those? Yes the local parts stores maybe but the greatest resource we have at our fingertips is the internet. You Google what ever you are looking for and voila a world of opportunities leaps onto your computer screen! Now let us take that search for Weber side drafts to your search for local resources.

Start with drawing a circle around your residence of say an hour's drive. Goggle local LGBT organizations and see if they fall in that circle forget geographic boundaries such as state or county lines. Should any fall in that circle you have an excellent starting point, if not we are not done. Let us suppose the LGBT organizations are all well outside that circle I would be shocked if all of them did not have a website showing methods of contact. Note or bookmark those pages and log off.

Now go get yourself a glass of wine, sit down, and compose a letter, note, e mail or whatever to contact to them, here is a case where one size fits all. Don't go into huge detail here rather you are someone of the TG persuasion and are looking for resources and contacts in your area to help you cope, give them the contact methods you are comfortable with such as phone, e mail address and perhaps snail mail. Now proofread it and save it (I am assuming you are doing this on the computer), close it and walk away. Enjoy the rest of your day and get a good night's sleep. The next morning over your coffee open the letter and reread it. Does it say what you are looking for without a lot of catches and clauses? Good! Now send it on its merry way by whatever method and enjoy the rest of that bottle of wine. It may take a few days or perhaps even a month but I would be shocked if you didn't receive a response from all. Sure they may be we have nothing in your area but I am sure at least one will have some suggestions for you. You may even discover your next door neighbor is a board member for one of these organizations and every month drives 3 hours each way to attend meetings and would love to have company on the drive.

I know what I just described may sound simplistic to some but in reality ladies it is just that easy. This is no different than any other issue or situation we face. These resources are available to all of you with just a few keystrokes. Don't over think this! Remember what I have said elsewhere about the greatest barriers we face are those we construct in our minds. I wish I had the access back in my day to even 1/10th the resources available to all of you today. When I came of age so to speak back in the latter half of 1970's I would wager less than half the population had a clue to what a transsexual was, that is what we were called back then. Now we get splashed across the network news at times. Remember even bad publicity is publicity.

Ladies you are not alone! There is hope and help out there for all of you in the US as well as most of the civilized world, I will leave it to you to define that in your mind. These LGBT organizations and support groups are willing and eager to help and in some cases as they say in infomercials "operators are standing by waiting to take your call." Yes it may take some effort on your part to find it but isn't something worth having worth working for?

[Anne Bonny]

You are a mentor for me on this site...I also look at others like how Miss Charlie Martin aggressively pursues her dreams living her life to the hilt! She is an example to us all and you should see her in a bikini!! wow I wish I looked like that!!!

I like to think. I am not without my faults....I am intelligent maybe slightly above the broad average but I do know my place and I do realize I am full of flaws even in my thinking...I hope I have not offended you...I have no hard feelings. Catholics tend to be very nice people from my experience, not all but most.

Stereotypes... labels... yeah I struggle to explain things to myself and realize that you can not put anything in a box and say everyone is a certain way and in trying to explain I fall back on having to call things something...I am not Einstein...I struggle trying to understand and work things out.

95% I am taking it to a negative extreme...not a good thing to do I am exaggerating to the negative probably due to my own emotional fears and reaction to negative criticism I have heard coming our way. Yes...I am really glad that the younger generation is much more open and accepting and supportive of who we are! And older generations have also evolved some... but many are solidly fixed in their ideas which is very discouraging. These are the times I will live through and die in.

NIMBY? sorry... It is encouraging as I struggle sitting here this morning at full sail because I am free to be who I am in my own home sitting here way overdressed because otherwise I would never get the opportunity to dress this way and leave the house...Hum... If I had someone here who needled me on it and was taking my hand to lead me out the door with my purse in front of the neighbors or not get into the car and drive and then get out to have a lunch somewhere then go shopping, or go see a movie or go to a casino or to a music concert... I do believe I need someone to reassure me and to take my hand as we go out together as women.

Oh! Not In My Back Yard...oh, ok got it! they are now saying it is ok in our back yard! yea!!!

I live in Biloxi Mississippi on the back bay.... Our area has always been more open than the very stodgy religious attitudes inland. But I don't know. I do believe I have seen a trans working at one of the casinos... I would think it very bad to walk up to her and ask are you trans!? wow! But I have not seen her in a while maybe she is on nights? There was a teen in the news paper several years back who was highlighted and I did message them and got a positive response. I have perhaps seen...Yes my son and I went to McAlisters a local sandwich, salad, and soup restaurant and seated behind us was a very openly genderfluid man speaking with another individual dangly ear rings, fem elements and clothing..very open no one said a word...,there was another opportunity for me to reach out and say hey... but I didn't. I may have seen a few women I wondered about looking for the signs...trying to read them but who knows. yes they are out there even here in Biloxi Mississippi and along our gulf coast.

Ok...I will definitely google for a local group or groups. Just cannot actively do that once my sister comes next week for two weeks. I may have touched up my legs this morning but the nail polish has been off my toes for a week or two in anticipation. Tomorrow I am going back to my hairdresser, I don't really want to because when I am here I am so glad I am able to style my own hair in a real woman's style and see that it looks nice. But...hair does grow back so suppose I will just request an inch and a half be taken...sigh.... I wonder what life would be like in an alternate universe where this sister knew and was not worried about it... I don't know where the conversation about the dimples in my earlobes will go or what I will say..."When Pat died I wanted to try something different, I have seen lots of guys sporting masculine ear studs and thought I would try it..." Not sure if that will fly!? She can really be horrible when she finds a loose thread and will pull and pull and dig and dig and needle and get unpleasant...I may have to tell her...look, I have them so drop it!?

Ok...You know I do worry about such groups there being a very very broad difference between everyone in our community. How many will be upstanding, moral and willing to focus on just being together to talk, share, learn, cope, and to have fun? I am not looking to be a political activist or to be involved in protests and marches.... on our single issue. Generally fostering more acceptance is ok but I do not wish to go to war. Ok... Off to try out google...later Anne

[Diana Michelle]

Anne, there is nothing wrong with looking up to people as mentors, teachers, sources of knowledge and ideas, or whatever. I have had many throughout my life I have looked up to regardless of it were in my education, my career, my journey, or life in general. The one thing all did caution me of though was putting them on a pedestal, blindly following without thought or questioning. Remember we are all a product of our past and environment and those can tend to cloud how we see things. Everyone's life and circumstances are different and one need to consider that as well. Idol worship is best left to the pagans.

My goal has never been to tell anyone how to think, how to feel or what to do but rather present options and ask questions intended to promote thought and open discussion, haters need not apply. I see things from one side obviously influenced by past experiences. Others may see the other side and we all need to always be open to considering all sides before coming to a decision. Yes there are those out there who claim to be the sole bastion of truth however IMO those individuals are only spouting off content to hear their own voice and line their wallets from the sheep in the world.

Years ago we had a neighbor who was a stock broker or whatever they call themselves now. He had always had some hot stock tip or telling us how if we did this or that we would be rolling in dough. In retrospect sometimes he was right, sometimes wrong. I do remember my husband once telling him when he asked why didn't we more aggressively follow his advice first off if he were that smart he would be rich far beyond what he claimed he could make us. Secondly as a broker he made money whether we did or not. Not sure he liked that but it is true.

Take a minute to think about that ... OK, time's up. I am not saying it is bad to seek the advice of others nor to dismiss advice freely offered but always think about it and how it relates to you. What may be right for me may or may not be right for you or anyone else and vice versa. We are all individuals with unique circumstances and relationships. Even if you agree 100% with advice someone gives you need to take that and apply it your situation. For the record that advice our stock broker neighbor would give us was 100% spot on sometimes, other times 100% wrong but most of the time somewhere in the middle.

Yes Anne, NIMBY is "not in my backyard." I call it a reverse NIMBY because it is one thing when it happens to someone you read about or even your neighbor however what do you do when it comes home to roost? We can legislate, litigate, and regulate but that does really change minds or opinions? IMO no, that happens in one on one relationships. It is easy to listen to a neighbor or co worker or whatever tell you what is like to cope with having a child who comes out of the closet. Perhaps you even offer advice starting with something like "If it were my kid I would ..." It is something very different when it is your own child who comes to you and says "Mom, Dad I'm Gay" or transgendered or whatever contrary to your beliefs and/or morals.

When I came out to my own family I was pretty much disowned and as far as most were concerned persona non grata. Now that was back in 1979 and things were quite different. I remember after telling them I was transsexual I had to explain what that was. Over time reconciliation did occur although some closer than others and in some cases almost 40 years after my coming out some of those relationships are best described as tenuous. The first to reach out to me was my brother who is 2 1/2 years younger than me, I am the oldest of 3. He and I were always close and it took very little time to return to that. I remember as we reestablished that bond we talked of many things, obviously the "new" me being a prime topic. Even today he has said he still doesn't really understand all of it and how I could be that way and yet he and my sister "normal" whatever that really means. He adds though it is not a matter of him understanding but rather seeing past that and accepting for we are family and family comes first.

There are a lot of battles we have fought as a group. Some we have won, others we have to regroup and go at again. IMO these are about rights more than acceptance. The same rights most take for granted and would fight tooth and nail for if someone were to attempt to infringe upon and rightfully so. My question to those individuals is in this great country are we not all entitled to those same rights, not just those who think or look like you?

However as I already said those battles do not bring acceptance or even tolerance. That comes one on one and that comes more slowly. It may be the neighbor you borrow the lawn mower from because yours is in the shop or the lady you somehow always seem to sit next to in church or the group of co workers you sit with on break where you solve all the world's ills and wonder why the world's leaders can't or your third cousin on your mother's side or even yes Anne your sister. This is where acceptance is achieved for these people know you. You are not a stereotype they have heard about or seen on the Jerry Springer show. You are a living, breathing, human being they already know and have a relationship of whatever level with.

No I am not suggesting you all run out wearing a t-shirt stating "I am Transgendered and like or not you have to accept me!" It would be a much better place if we could do that however I understand people's situations, beliefs, feelings both yours and those of others, relationships, and family dynamics complicate matters. Nor am I telling any of you to bring this up in that next conversation you have with someone. This would be a far better place if we could and people would listen if we were able to talk freely but sadly nirvana and the real world are two very different places.

What I am saying though is the next time something comes up don't be a shrinking violet afraid that you will never be thought of as "one if the guys" again. It can be gay marriage or an off handed comment about the mild mannered guy in accounting who wore a pink shirt today and someone says "What a Fag" or even the woman behind you in the check out line at Target who glances at the CD in the next line over and says "Look at that tranny." No you don't need to get into a deep discussion unless you desire so nor admit your own tendencies but even a comment such as "Well yea but it is their life to live as they see fit." Are you going to change someone's mind? Probably not but if you even cause them to pause for a second and think about it is a step in the right direction. As we all know the longest of journeys starts with a single step.