Happiness

[Anne Bonny]

I am on the road. I have traveled down it a long way along my individual path in life. Frequently there is no one there to help us on our way. We only know who we are inside and that it does not match the role in life given to us because of the body we are born with. We miss out on many things because no one is willing to see our difference inside our parents and others shepherd us down a path matching what we look like on the outside so me miss many of the little moments, much of the beauty love and laughter in it's place we receive the experiences and the rougher tumble that leads down the road to life as a man. This messes with out mind, it does become ingrained in us and we come to accept it as we hang with guys, through school and onto our careers our outlook on to marriage and a family even as we feel the pull inside which would have led us along a different pathway in life it could have led us down the path women trod or along a softer pathway in between more suited for who we really are inside.

Having lost everyone around me having retired the other path has opened up to me and being free I am free to move toward where I should have been so that I am free to find who I really am gingerly feeling my way slowly and carefully along and out into a more open life that allows me the freedom to simply be. I have suffered losses and I grieve them. I miss my wife most of all as parents and grandparents grow old and it is expected they will gradually leave but my wife was gone too soon from my life. There was not a perfect acceptance by her so I certainly would not have had the freedom I have now but I would rather have had her with me to the end. As it is a new life and freedom will allow me to live out my life where ever it leads and those who will be in it will know me as Anne and any partner if there will be one will love me as I am.

I should not say our as an inclusive of all because there are many who are able to strike out on the road that is right for who they are, but I hazard there are many more who like myself have lived another experience so the our is directed to my fellow travelers who followed a similar road.