Feeling like a frightened child.

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Sun Jul 25, 2004 3:27 pm

Hi girls,

I just wanted to say how alone and scared I am feeling. I have taken many life changing steps lately, which has improved my general happiness, but now I am feeling totally isolated and alone. Much like when I was a child.

I don't understand what is happening to me, and it is really frightening. A few days ago I participated in what I thought was an open discussion about religious feelings, and instead ended up feeling isolated again. Since that time, ironically, only Marda has responded to anything I have said.

Unfortunately, as I have learned over my life, just telling people I am a non-beielver changes how I am treated, and again this appears to be true. I know, how could I get to this age and not know better? I did know better, but this place emboldened me. I felt as if all of you deserved to know who I really am, so you could possibly understand my life. Now, I feel like this was a huge mistake. A mistake I have made in the past, and thought I would never make again.

I do love all of you, and I can't stand the thought of losing your respect, love and friendship. But I have had this change my relationship with my wife, and with my brother. I can't help but beleive that just as with my wife and brother, things will never be the same now, and I am feeling terribly sad and all alone.

Well I am crying and emotional now, so I willl shut up until I can compose myself again.

I love you all, and this place.
Elizabeth

Rebecca · Post by **Rebecca** » Sun Jul 25, 2004 4:47 pm

Elizabeth,

First of all...

and that comes from within.

Next of all, I promise, I for one am absolutely 100% fine with you. I certainly have no reason to feel otherwise. I know I am a bit erotic, I mean erratic with my posts, If I ever do seem as though I miss something it is never for any reason other than my own butterfly head.

It seems that how you feel now was me a few days ago, CJ before that, Lorna last week etc, etc. So many of us here are very sensitive, the upside is when one of us does feel insecure, the rest of us react very quickly, we know how it feels.

I doubt I'm alone in my feelings towards you, going through what you are going through, and trying to honestly talk about it. Plenty of admiration from me. It is only natural your emotions are tender these past few weeks.

I know what you mean about talking religion, it is something I do my best to avoid myself, I have had a lot of heartache over the years with it. Maybe the reason it can get out of hand is that it sits at the heart of most people, and that part is often delicate.

I would never have problems with somebody's beliefs, as long as they don't try to convert me to their way of thinking, and vice versa. You say that you felt emboldened by this forum, I know exactly what you mean, as long as we remember we are all different ( haven't I heard that before somewhere ) respect each other, our natural love will shine through.

Anyway, enough philosophy, right now you need a cuddle

Just keep on growing as you are Elizabeth, you are a fine person

Love to you
Rebecca xxx

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Sun Jul 25, 2004 5:05 pm

Hi Elisabeth,

I do not think your involvement in that thread changed anything regarding the way folks here see you. Perhaps the problem is how you see your self, at this particular moment, there might be some wisdom in conducting some internal research to find out why that is so, especially being as you have told us that it is not just happening here.

For anyone whose self esteem is conditioned on finding a place or a world for that matter where there is no friction are in my opinion just plain out of luck. That is one of your goals that will simply just have to die, because that place dose not exist. It is a Fantasy. And we would not be helping anyone buy attempting to create such a place.

We can however attempt to help others by supporting them in spite of their warts, (which we all have). And that is what I hope to be able to do.

I was some what confused by your last post in the thread that you have referred to when you stated all I can do is repeat myself. Just how would you like me to respond? Did you think I didn't get what you were saying in the previous post? I have responded to a number of your posts where you have not responded to me. How would you like me to take that?

Like Bugs Bunny used to say to Elmer Fudd, when Elmer was shooting his shot gun down the rabbit hole. Bugs would tap Elmer on the shoulder, and ask. Whats up Doc?

Marda · Post by **Marda** » Sun Jul 25, 2004 5:20 pm

Hey You *GirlZ*

1) Are we forgetting so soon the lessons from Kersten Lee's recent Woman's *Experience* ?

2) One thing I learned in GTherapy last year was *How To Cry* ... and one of the basic groundrules

> noone is to interfere with anyone else's *Right_To_Cry* ... a couple the underlying rules *here* are

> when someone else has to cry, we *don't* hand them a box of hankies, because that *sez* "I'm uncomfortable with your crying"
> but it's OK to hand them some hankies *If* they ask for some

3) Here's the *BIGGIE* ... there's not much different going on here right now than what I learned in the Death Industry as a funeral director

... the only thing *BIGGER* in most people's day_to_day "Reality" than *Death_Denial* is *LIFE_DENIAL*

4) OK ... now I'll turn around and bend over and you can *all* line up and one after the other give me a good swift kick in the butt

*But*

as much as I don't really like being Ms.Nasty, my own *Near_Death* experience showed me how *Fragile* Life *Is* and how so many of us are but one (1) tough *Choice* away from realizing *All* of our wildest dreams

The *R* thing is *SO_SKARY* because it's really all about *LIFE*

OK U 2

As I mentioned to our Dear Sweet Kersten Lee ...
**DON'T *STOP SHARING NOW **

You're just getting into the real *Breakthrough* stuff

It's *Always Darkest Before The Dawn*

We're *HERE* *WITH* *YOU*

WE LOVE YOU Elizabeth ... Rebecca ... and everyone else in our *Private_Powder_Room*

*** YEA TEAM PINK ***

***

Love / Marda

Gelinda · Post by **Gelinda** » Sun Jul 25, 2004 5:32 pm

Elizabeth:

I think you are wrong in your thinking. I do not think the religion part of that tread caused the problem. Your belief's are your belief's and I agree with you. I will burn rubber getting away from someone that is attempting to change me into their religion, that is something that is personal and if asked then should only be changed. I do not remember anyone attempting to change you. I am truly wondering if you are doubting your own beliefs. But that is another matter. I attempted to respond to you on that one but it was locked when I got there. As far as not responding since then there is nothing I saw I could say that would help. I am not going to respond to someone just to say words. I want to say should that helps or clears something up. Even then it is hard to know what to say to someone so not to hurt them.

You are going thru things right now that I for one do not have any knowledge of (divorce). So I am a little afraid of telling you anything as I am on ground I know nothing about. Religion as Darlene stated is hard ground to talk about anyway you look at it. So I believe you are totally wrong about the group, I believe it is just a matter of not knowing what to say to what you write that will help. I would love to know what to say now but I don't and am a little put out that you would say that I am avoiding writing to you.

I think you are confused about yourself and your world an are looking to blame someone. Or wanting to find a way to feel better about yourself which is fine. If anyone on the forum does that it is me for I use it to get things out of my mind and do away with them. I make others have to see what I am thinking but I do not get upset because you do not respond to a thread I start or do not answer something I saw. You are saying that to each thread started there must be 620 messages as there are 620 members to this thread.

O well I have rambled on again. Elizabeth I do respect your opinion when I do say something and want to see your responds but I want them from the heart and soul not just meaningless words. Gelinda

Jassmine(SO) · Post by **Jassmine(SO)** » Sun Jul 25, 2004 6:04 pm

Hi Elizabeth,

I just wanted to drop in and give you a hug

*HUGS & LOVE*

Post by **Celia** » Sun Jul 25, 2004 6:15 pm

Considering that the discussion in question was (is?) of a religious nature, we should all consider ourselves lucky that only feelings were hurt.

-Celia

Marda · Post by **Marda** » Sun Jul 25, 2004 6:36 pm

Did Someone say the *R* word again ???

Is someone playing the

advocate ?

Love / Marda

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Sun Jul 25, 2004 6:36 pm

Elizabeth,
sorry, guess am a "day late and a dollar short." I think you must know that we all care about you and the tribulations that you have faced and have won out over most of them. I will support what Gee has said and just remember we are all "in this powder room together."
Love ya,
Deborah

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Sun Jul 25, 2004 7:15 pm

Darlene, Gelinda, girls,

I don't know what's up. I guess that is it. Having recently gone through a phase of finding out that the entire world is a different place than I thought it was, and subsequently all of my most important relationships were not what I thought they were either.

It seems I just don't understand the bounderies. I try to, but I always end up doing something I thought nothing of, that ends up hurting someone's feelings, and things change. Not just here, but everywhere. I am right on the verge of totally isolating myself, the one thing I never wanted to do, and I can not seem to find a way to stop it.

Maybe I just want too much? I don't know. Maybe it's just hard to face that to be me, I have to give up every relationship that was dear to me. Maybe I just convinced myself they were dear to me. I don't know.

Making others uncomfortable is the worst thing that can happen here. I feel that is what I have done. Regardless of the how or why, it don't matter, I don't ever want me to be the reason someone did not get to express themselves. I think I need to try to re-educate myself. I think I will just sit back and read others posts for a while, try to get some new perspective. I am not sulking, nor do I wish for sympathy, I just need some time to reflect.

I love all of you, and thank you for your candor, at a time when there is a significant shortage of that. I look forward to continued reading and learning about myself and will continue to contribute when I truly have something to contribute.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Kathy · Post by **Kathy** » Sun Jul 25, 2004 7:41 pm

Hi Elizabeth,

The only person's feelings you need to worry about right now are your own. I believe it was Jassmine who said we cannot be responsible for other people's feelings. All we can do is be who we are and if someone feels hurt because of that it is them who needs to figure out why.

As the others have said, you are not alone here. I certainly don't feel any different about you or anyone else here today than I did a week ago.

If I seem to be erratic in my posts it is because it is now time for me to work on my version of the same problem Lorna has, lack of income. I'll be spending a lot more time on that aspect of my life than this for a while. But I'll still check in here from time to time.

You've gone through a lot these past few weeks and you seem to have landed on your feet each time. You should be proud of the way you have handled yourself. So sit back, take a deep breath and relax for a bit.

Sounds to me like a good excuse for a nice relaxing bubble bath...

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Sun Jul 25, 2004 8:34 pm

Elisabeth,

Making others uncomfortable is the worst thing that can happen here.
I want to challenge that statement with every thing I have in me. Why on earth would you want to give me that kind of control over you? You mean all that I have to do (to mess up your life) is let you think that you have offended me? Boy do you ever make it easy. You mean you are that easy to crush?

This is the Internet, and not every one here is your friend. Believe it or not there have been people here who have tried to destroy this place.

You have posted some remarkable stuff here Elisabeth, that has been helpful.

Are you off your medication again?

Lorna · Post by **Lorna** » Sun Jul 25, 2004 9:41 pm

Hi Elizabeth,

First and foremost…

Second, I still have the same levels of admiration and respect for you as I always have, regardless of what your beliefs may be. Religion in general has always been, and always will be a very sensitive topic. But you have every right to think and feel as you choose, and it does not affect how I feel about you at all – especially since I am not particularly a religious person myself. If I missed any of your recent posts I am truly sorry. I was just recently harping about not receiving feedback on my posts, and I overlooked one that was important to you.

It is completely normal to go thru feelings of isolation and fear when there have been a lot of personal changes in your life. Trust me when I say that I speak from experience. Whenever you’re feeling alone or you feel you need a shoulder to cry on, please don’t hesitate to PM or e mail me. I have traveled plenty of bumpy roads in this world just as you have. I can relate. And I want to be there to listen to you. We all do.

Please don't forget that we love you and that you are a vital part of this group.

~ Lorna

Marda · Post by **Marda** » Sun Jul 25, 2004 9:42 pm

Hey_Girlies

I Second Kathy's Motion for a *Bubble_Bath*

Remember ... if you decide to *Soak your Head* ...

*Don't forget to come back up for air*

Love / Marda

Kristen · Post by **Kristen** » Sun Jul 25, 2004 9:54 pm

Elizabeth, how are you doing?? Hope you are fine......, I know. If you were still in wyoming I'd drive up and see you , since your not all i can do is post this to you. I think you hit the nail on the head, sit back, do not worry about anything , anybody but you. You have been through so much and it takes alot of alone time to sort through all your life happenings. Lots of hugs and hope you are doing fine. .......Kristen

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