Desires vs. Opinions
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Lorna
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Desires vs. Opinions
If there was something that a friend of yours REALLY wanted to pursue, but you didn't think that they should, regardless of how passionate they were about it, what would you do?
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Elizabeth
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Eloise Goth
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Beauty
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Zoiks!
I didn't think I'd be the only one so far to answer #1. I doubt I'm alone on this one though.
If it's something my friend wants to do that makes me go, "No way!" Then I'm talking to them about it. They don't have to listen to me, but I'm not being a friend to them (this is just my stupid philosophy) I'm not being a friend to them if I don't tell them how I feel, no matter how passionate they are about it. They aren't being too friendly to me if I have to watch what I say because they are passionate about something.
As long as at the end of the convo my friend knows that I love them and will support whatever they do, regardless of if I like it or not, then I'm cool.
Beauty
I didn't think I'd be the only one so far to answer #1. I doubt I'm alone on this one though.
If it's something my friend wants to do that makes me go, "No way!" Then I'm talking to them about it. They don't have to listen to me, but I'm not being a friend to them (this is just my stupid philosophy) I'm not being a friend to them if I don't tell them how I feel, no matter how passionate they are about it. They aren't being too friendly to me if I have to watch what I say because they are passionate about something.
As long as at the end of the convo my friend knows that I love them and will support whatever they do, regardless of if I like it or not, then I'm cool.
Beauty
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Carolynn
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I'm not saying I would talk them out of it, but if they are my friend they are at least going to take into account my honest opinion as another factor to consider. After all, maybe I have a perspective they do not. 
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Loretta Ann
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You are right you are not alone Beauty. I let them know what I am thinking in very plain language. And I only support those who can accept that. Those who can't end up going there own way, and the relationship is over, but that is at their choosing.
If they can't stand the heat they had best get out of the kitchen.
If they can't stand the heat they had best get out of the kitchen.
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Jassmine(SO)
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LeftyRainbow(SO)
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Hi Lorna,
I guess it depends on what it is they would like to pursue.
If I feel that their pursuit is unhealthy to them or might jeopardize something of value ( like friends or family). I will try to tactfully word it to them and get them to consider other options but if it is just a pursuit that I think is silly or might be unsuccessful, well most likely I would keep my opinion to myself and tell them to go for it...
lefty
I guess it depends on what it is they would like to pursue.
If I feel that their pursuit is unhealthy to them or might jeopardize something of value ( like friends or family). I will try to tactfully word it to them and get them to consider other options but if it is just a pursuit that I think is silly or might be unsuccessful, well most likely I would keep my opinion to myself and tell them to go for it...
lefty
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Lorna
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Well then folks, I guess many of us here can agree to disagree. 
Expressing concern over something is one thing. However the bottom line is that we need to remember that we are speaking of ADULTS, and ADULTS are entitled to live their own lives on THEIR OWN terms.
For example, if a friend of mine had dreams of becoming a police officer or joining the military, I know of the dangers in these professions. However I will NOT discourage them, nor would I attempt to talk them out of it. If that is what they want to do then they would have my support, regardless of how I personally felt. It's THEIR life.
Now, if someone were destroying their body (for example drugs or alcohol) then that's another story.
Aside from that and that ONLY, I for one am not going to assume the "mother hen" role with an adult. But that's just me.
That is all.
Expressing concern over something is one thing. However the bottom line is that we need to remember that we are speaking of ADULTS, and ADULTS are entitled to live their own lives on THEIR OWN terms.
For example, if a friend of mine had dreams of becoming a police officer or joining the military, I know of the dangers in these professions. However I will NOT discourage them, nor would I attempt to talk them out of it. If that is what they want to do then they would have my support, regardless of how I personally felt. It's THEIR life.
Now, if someone were destroying their body (for example drugs or alcohol) then that's another story.
Aside from that and that ONLY, I for one am not going to assume the "mother hen" role with an adult. But that's just me.
That is all.
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Beauty
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Hello Ms. Queen of Caps. 
I agree to disagree when we are disagreeing. I'm not so convinced we are yet though.
If I thought, because of my own personal experience, you shouldn't become a police officer and it's all you've ever wanted to do and I give a billion reasons why you shouldn't what's the big deal?
Like Lefty said it should be tactful, but it's my opinion. That's nothing really except my opinion. If I keep saying it over and over and over and over then I'm being an uncool friend and perhaps my friendship is not true because I've said I'm only thinking of you. When someone repeats something that much then their kind of showing you they have an agenda. Regardless when I stated my opinion, chances are you got it the first time, if not the second. Even the second is uncool, but forgivable. So anything more than that is not cool.
I'm just trying to say that if someone has insight or was affected by something that someone may want to do and they strongly oppose the idea it doesn't mean they aren't being a friend. Each opinion is unique and I don't think you can lump them all together because usually people say things negatively for a reason. It just means they feel so strongly about it they were compelled to say something about it.
Does that make sense?
Beauty
I agree to disagree when we are disagreeing.
I'm not so convinced we are yet though.If I thought, because of my own personal experience, you shouldn't become a police officer and it's all you've ever wanted to do and I give a billion reasons why you shouldn't what's the big deal?
Like Lefty said it should be tactful, but it's my opinion. That's nothing really except my opinion. If I keep saying it over and over and over and over then I'm being an uncool friend and perhaps my friendship is not true because I've said I'm only thinking of you. When someone repeats something that much then their kind of showing you they have an agenda. Regardless when I stated my opinion, chances are you got it the first time, if not the second. Even the second is uncool, but forgivable. So anything more than that is not cool.
I'm just trying to say that if someone has insight or was affected by something that someone may want to do and they strongly oppose the idea it doesn't mean they aren't being a friend. Each opinion is unique and I don't think you can lump them all together because usually people say things negatively for a reason. It just means they feel so strongly about it they were compelled to say something about it.
Does that make sense?
Beauty
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SophieLawson
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Lorna
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It makes perfect sense.Beauty wrote:Hello Ms. Queen of Caps.
I agree to disagree when we are disagreeing.
If I thought, because of my own personal experience, you shouldn't become a police officer and it's all you've ever wanted to do and I give a billion reasons why you shouldn't what's the big deal?
Like Lefty said it should be tactful, but it's my opinion. That's nothing really except my opinion. If I keep saying it over and over and over and over then I'm being an uncool friend and perhaps my friendship is not true because I've said I'm only thinking of you. When someone repeats something that much then their kind of showing you they have an agenda. Regardless when I stated my opinion, chances are you got it the first time, if not the second. Even the second is uncool, but forgivable. So anything more than that is not cool.
I'm just trying to say that if someone has insight or was affected by something that someone may want to do and they strongly oppose the idea it doesn't mean they aren't being a friend. Each opinion is unique and I don't think you can lump them all together because usually people say things negatively for a reason. It just means they feel so strongly about it they were compelled to say something about it.
Does that make sense?
Beauty
I guess a part of me has always been a little biased (maybe even a little defensive) on this issue because a part of me keeps thinking that I would be elsewhere in life today had I followed my heart instead of listening to everyone else around me.
As one example, yes I did want to be a police officer at one point but was discouraged by family and friends who all insisted I was nuts for even considering it. They all told me that I would get shot and that I didn't have the physical or mental coordination. I shouldn't have listened to them. Today my friend Paul is a Nassau County cop & has been on the force for 9 years. Nassau County cops make a very comfortable living, and he just purchsed his first home. And here I sit, unemployed, renting a one-room hole in the wall.
In more recent years I have always prided myself on calling my own shots and doing what I wanted to do without worrying about what other people think, but I have not been practicing what I preach.
I'll admit that my self-esteem has taken some major beatings this year, hence I have sunk back into the cycle of "seeking everyone else's approval" all over again. Constructive criticism and honest input I will always welcome. But I guess a part of me does get extremely defensive at times, especially when I hear the same thing over and over again. (Thank you Mom & Dad. Thank you VERY much!
) And yes, I NOW catch the same levels of nagging and discouragement from my friends as well! 
There was no clarification necessary on your part Beauty, or for anyone here. We are all entitled to our own opinions and it's okay if we don't all agree 100% of the time. But thanks anyway.
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Elizabeth
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Hi girls,
It turns out that this thread is not as easy and clear cut as it may have first appeared. I think however there are many nuances that change what any of us might do.
First, when we talk about friends, there are different kids of friends. I have people I call my friends because I know them, and we converse, but really we are just aquantences. There are friends we work with, and we may share a great deal more with this kind of friend. We might complain or praise our SO, we may indeed depend on this person for our safety and life at work, but we don't breach each others personal life and values. Then there is what I would call the "Best Friend". This is the person we share our deepest feelings, and we have a great deal of trust in.
It seems the question boils down to something we talk a lot about on this forum. Are we entitled to impose our philosophical, political, religious, and moral values on another person. And it would seem that answer is, "It Depends".
I would generally not volunteer my postion or values to anyone. However me and my best friend rarely make significant moves in our lives without consulting one another. At these times I am honest and say what I would do in that any particular situation, but only when asked. And when I ask I am looking for what I think my best friends values and beleifs are, because I want to know if they differ from my own, and how.
So? Even though I answered that I would not try to talk them out of it, that was on a presumption that my opinion was uninvited. After all, that is what we are talking about here. Opinion.
Love always,
Elizabeth
It turns out that this thread is not as easy and clear cut as it may have first appeared. I think however there are many nuances that change what any of us might do.
First, when we talk about friends, there are different kids of friends. I have people I call my friends because I know them, and we converse, but really we are just aquantences. There are friends we work with, and we may share a great deal more with this kind of friend. We might complain or praise our SO, we may indeed depend on this person for our safety and life at work, but we don't breach each others personal life and values. Then there is what I would call the "Best Friend". This is the person we share our deepest feelings, and we have a great deal of trust in.
It seems the question boils down to something we talk a lot about on this forum. Are we entitled to impose our philosophical, political, religious, and moral values on another person. And it would seem that answer is, "It Depends".
I would generally not volunteer my postion or values to anyone. However me and my best friend rarely make significant moves in our lives without consulting one another. At these times I am honest and say what I would do in that any particular situation, but only when asked. And when I ask I am looking for what I think my best friends values and beleifs are, because I want to know if they differ from my own, and how.
So? Even though I answered that I would not try to talk them out of it, that was on a presumption that my opinion was uninvited. After all, that is what we are talking about here. Opinion.
Love always,
Elizabeth