Hi all,
It seems Hollywood is "autophagic": it eats iself. (Anyone remember the music group
Pop Will Eat Itself? Well, it looks as though, in Tinseltown at least, it
is the case that popular culture feeds on its own body... find a formula, beat it to death, then reformulate the formula, and beat
that to death. Oh well.)
Bad film ideas? Here's a few.
Plan 10 From Outer Space ("You humans are
still so stupid!");
Slasher High Class Reunion (Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger, Michael Myers, and other balding, serial killing cronies, get together--
Big Chill style--to pine for their youth and reminisce on the good old days when their respective body counts were higher than their IQ's.);
Hardly Dying (Indestructible cop John McLean teams up with RoboCop, Steve Austin, Harry Callahan, and James Bond to thwart an evil producer who's masterminding a plot to disseminate intelligent movies throughout the world.);
Rememberance of Things Past (A 238-part mini-series, based on the work of Marcel Proust. Produced by Merchant Ivory.);
Gilligan vs. Jaws (Finally, the gang of maroons gets off the island. But are they safe?);
Once Upon a Time in 2001 (The Man With The Harmonica meets up with Jules Verne, who builds him a time machine so that he can go save a widow whose terraforming arboretums on Jupiter's moon, Io, are threatened by the unethical real estate speculation of a homicidal computer.);
Seinfeld: The Movie (A movie about nothing.);
Star Wars ("A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away..." Oh. Wait a minute. That's been done, already.);
Clothes Encounters Of The Third Sex (Priscilla--now Queen of the suburbs--ponders "what to wear, what to wear.");
Bush (A penetrating documentary exploring the origins of the Bush family, deep in the Kalahari desert. Produced by Micheal Moore. Directed by Oliver Stone. Soundtrack by Bruce Springsteen and Bette Midler.);
Flight From L.A. (A nightmare vision of a dystopian society where lawless, leather-clad rebels, flee California after a killing machine from the future seizes control of political power. A sequel is already in the works: "I'll Be Back, Too.");
The Jetfersons (Full-length cartoon feature about the life of a spage-age, upwardly mobile African-American family.);
The Characters (Still no plot details. Starring Kevin Spacey, Dustin Hoffman, Meryl Streep, Steve Buschemi, Janeane Garofalo, Al Pacino, Matthew Broderick, Nicole Kidman, James Woods, Christopher Walken, and that guy on TV who keeps asking, "Can you hear me now?");
The Undergraduate (wherein we discover exactly how Mrs. Robinson really came to be that way);
A Pack o' Lips Now (Director's Cut of Coppola's famed Vietnam epic, with the Rolling Stones concert scene fully restored.);
The May Tricks (Tag line: "Think reality is real? Think again. Ask these prostitutes exactly what happens in the spring.");
The Really Really Odd Couple (Another remake. Starring Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. Directed by Kevin Smith.);
Heh. Enough for now, I guess.
The list of possible bad movies is endless. As to actual films, I rarely saw a movie I didn't like. My tastes run the gamut from A to Z (and from A-grade to Z-grade); I'm a film junkie, I swear.
Love,
CJ
