How do you tell your family about CDing?

[Jada]

Im stuck in the subject of telling my family about my (feminine)<did i spell it right?> side, How do you do it? what are the steps to do this? It would be a big load off if they would know about it. Hopefully my sis wont mind much, I used to wear her clothes. I want to tell them, but i dont know what kind of reaction will there be.

[RikkiOfLA]

Hi Jada,

This is the most interesting and difficult question! Since we don't know your family, of course, we can't just tell you the best way to tell them, or for that matter, whether you should tell them. And even you, who knows them best, may not be able to totally predict their reactions. Surprises happen! Even open-minded people can sometimes be very protective when it comes to their children. And the reverse is true, too. Even very conservative people can sometimes be very supportive. But here are some thoughts...

1. It is probably a good idea to slowly prepare them for the news. Watch together an appropriate movie or two on the subject. "Just Like a Woman", "Ma Vie en Rose", and "To Wong Fu" are all excellent, and there are many others. The fact that these movies have a humorous side shouldn't be a problem. They are entertainment, but they present a sympathetic portrait of transgendered people.

2. Before you tell them, you should be prepared to answer honestly most of the questions they might have. Why do you crossdress? How often? Are you gay? Do you want to become a woman, or just be a man who wears women's clothes now and then? Does anyone else know?

3. And perhaps the most important question--What do you want from them? Do you live with your family? Do you want to be able to openly store female clothing there? Do you want to be able to be dressed in their presence?

4. If you live with your family, you should be prepared for the most negative reaction that is reasonably possible--they might tell you to move out. This has happened to adults, and even to teenagers. So you should be prepared. Have somewhere else lined up to move to. A mental health professional, a sympathetic friend who knows, a school counselor, a sympathetic clergy, a local support group--these kinds of people can help you find a place to live. I would strongly suggest talking to these kinds of people (ask for their confidentiality before you tell them!) before you speak to your family about this.

5. Another reason to tell someone else first is to get the practice telling people. You can get used to what you're going to say, and some of the reactions that people might have.

6. If you have more questions, you might tell us more about your situation. How old are you? Do you have a job (doing what for how long etc.)? Do you live with family? What are they like? Anything else we should know? We do care, and you'll find quite a few people here who've told their own families, and the responses we've gotten. Please keep in touch about this, and remember that we support you.

Hope this helps!

[Virginia]

Hi Jada,
"Commng out" is perhaps one of the biggests events in your life. If you subscribe to the understanding that crossdressing is something that if you feel that you truly are, it can be supressed or repressed, but it is a gift that will be part of you for the rest of your life. Make sure that you are comfortable with this!! As our sister Rikki said, we don't know too much about you, married, single, Bi, age, living situation, etc. But that having been said youi need to feel you have enough information to appease yourself as well this following site is excellent to help you establish a baseline to work from:
"Jung's Anima Theory and How It Relates to Crossdressing"
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepage ... /anima.htm
You may want to print the articles off and have them handy.
Follow Rikki's suggestions, feel them out. Did they watch or have any opinion of the show "He's a Lady?"
Finally I must say that you need to know where Jada is. It is like we are on a scale and we are all at different places. Some content to just wear a piece of clothing under our clothing to dressing sometimes to being heterosexual yet dressing 24/7 to allowing our feminine personna to expose itself whether or not we are dressed.
It is diffficult, honey, just be sure that you are ready to do this and that you will be "woman" enough to deal with the consequences.
Good luck and let us know how you are doing.
Love,
Virginia

[DonnaT]

Telling family can be very difficult. Some families are very supportive. But some transgendered people have been shunned by their family after telling them. It is important to have someone to talk to because it is not healthy for people to have to keep secret such an important part of their lives.

First, you need to be sure of why you want to tell them. I mean, if keeping it secret really bothers you, then set down with your sister first and start talking.

One thing to always keep in mind is to stay positive; be strong; be confident; and look her in the eye. If you have your head down, and you lack the confidence, then you're giving the impression that you're not happy with yourself, that you see this as a problem.

Make sure you are ready with all the answers to any questions she may ask. Especially "Why are you telling me this?"

Sisters, especially those that are close, are not usually judgmental with their brother's being transgendered. Sometimes things work out even better than you'd hope.

Once you tell her, and if she's ok with it, then she can be a help in guiding you with regard to who else to tell or not tell.

No one can predict, with absolute certainty, how anyone will react, but the closer you are to your family, then the better it usually goes over.

[Violet]

"Just Like a Woman", "Ma Vie en Rose", and "To Wong Fu"

Jah love, Rikki, how could you have possibly forgotten 'Priscilla: Queen of the Desert'? Also 'Hedwig and the Angry Inch', though only for particularly openminded families (I know I wouldn't watch it with *my* parents...)

In my particular case, my parents found out when I started coming back from club nights dressed up. I didn't start dressing at their place until I knew they knew, and I still don't really like to, but I've been lucky in having a particularly supportive and openminded family and I could afford to be as much myself as I need to with them.

As to your own situation, I can only echo what my sisters have said. Be confident in yourslef and who and what you are, be prepared (for the worst), and don't back down. REMEMBER. This is not a disease, or a phase, or a sin, it is WHAT YOU ARE. Be strong, sister. I'm pulling for you; we're all in this togeather...

[Jada]

Well me and my wife and kids live with my parents, we had to move cause of too much bills where pilling up, so we moved here to catch up on bills. I'll be 23 this Oct. my wife is 26, and one step son (4) and my daughter 14 months, yea, its alot in this house, but we are doing ok. Im in the process of getting a job and my wife is working currently. My job situation is at a stand still cause my vehicle needed to be worked on, wife's car is running good but thats the only running vehicle we have now.