Thoughts about therapy, hormones and surgery

[Julie Miller]

Has anyone contemplated using hormones or having surgery performed?

Two years ago, after several months of therapy, some sessions together with my wife, I was given a diagnosis of gender dysphoria. I assume that meant I had a strong urge to dress as a woman and was so fixated that perhaps hormones were a logical next step. The doctor felt that I could go into transition with my eyes open, that I knew what I was doing and understood the rewards and the consequences.
The therapist referred me to an endocrinoligist for hormones.

I never took the step as I felt hormones would be too life changing. The physical changes that would occur were enough to make me step back. Of course I wonder if I made a mistake. Perhaps I should have gone for it.
Has anyone contemplated the same? I don't want to look back and feel that I had made a mistake. The urges to be more of a woman have returned with a vengeance. Sometimes I get down feelings.

I am also considering surgical changes on my face. I am thinking about eye and eyelid surgery. I want ask the surgeon if there is anything that can be done to give me a more feminine face without radical surgery. Has anyone else been here?

Julie

[Stephanie Higgins]

Great Topic

Well I have thought about a future as a real girl ALOT, and everytime I have come back the matter of age, I will finally decide when I feel that I am old to make that big of a decision.

I have thought in my head the pros and cons of the every situation that I can face in the future but I still leave the decision in my future.

*rises glass of juice*
To the decision that lay ahead and behind.
*clinks glass*

Stephanie

[Celia]

Julie,

I have mixed emotions about this sort of thing. I'd be quite surprised if I ever started taking hormones or had surgeries done. Nonetheless, these choices hold a perennial appeal for me--I do have some discernable desire for physical feminization.

I attend support meetings at Ingersoll Gender Center in Seattle--most of the others who attend are TS's. When I see these girls going through their physical changes, I'm pretty envious. Then they describe what they have to go through to make it all happen.

Although I never rule out the sort of physical transition you describe, I've got a feeling I'll probably remain ambivalent, at least in the near term. :|

Yours,
Celia

[Alexandra]

Celia,

Care to comment on Seattle's "TG-friendliness?" I'm particularly interested in the views of the elected officals in Seattle toward TG people.

While I don't live there, I've "been" there more times than just about anybody else I know, but I've never been truly able to get a feel for what its like for TG individuals (other than what one sees up near the UW campus!)

[Celia]

I wish I were in a better position to do so, Alexandra. Seattle's more than 80 miles north of where I live, and I usually just drive up, participate in the support group, and drive back. By reputation, Seattle's good, at least if the TS's at group are giving an accurate account of things. Of course, good is a relative term; perhaps it's safer to say that the city is one of the least medieval in the country regarding tfolk. I attended Ingersoll's holiday bash/fundraiser--two or three local elected officials put in appearances, if I remember correctly. Hard to tell how specific their support of the T community is--some of this sort of thing is umbrella GLBT activity, a plus, but sometimes perhaps a bit less than meets the eye. :| I guess the best way to find out about Seattle is to spend more time there than I do: it gets a lot of points from me for being t-friendly, but it also loses a lot with its traffic, which I simply cannot abide.

Yours,
Celia

[Alexandra]

but it also loses a lot with its traffic, which I simply cannot abide.

Yup, during daylight hours all the freeways surrounding Seattle is just one huge and slow-moving parking lot.


I also like your description "least medieval". Its quite accurate really.

Thanks for your comments.

[RikkiOfLA]

I also have thought about hormones. I decided against them. My decision is a very individual decision. I'll share it because you asked. But I don't begin to imagine that much of it would apply to anyone else.

I love my wife. Quite frankly, she is the greatest thing that ever happened to me--much better than anything else in my life. Probably much better than I deserve, if that isn't too maudlin (Ok, it probably is.)

Ours is one of the great romances of all time. We've been married 25 years, and during that time, we've grown in many ways. Our love has become stronger. It has helped both of us to grow. We're both stronger individuals because of it. We've both done things we never dreamed of when we started out.

One of the growth areas in my life has been accepting and understanding my transgenderedness. She helped me, immeasurably, in this process. She was the first person I ever came out to. She has reassured me through countless urges to purge. And together we've formed a solution to the issue that works for us. Might not work for most people, but it works here.

I live full time (or virtually full time, depending on how you wish to look at it) as a woman. That includes dressing, relating to people (I get along fine with my neighbors and friends), conducting my daily chores, and working. It doesn't bother me (in the least) that everyone who knows me also knows that I'm transgendered. After all, it's the truth. And I know that by being open about it, I might encourage others.

At the same time, I've given up nothing male. I can dress male for family events when needed. (I learned that little trick from a post-op TS I know, who still dresses male for extended family functions! If she can do it, I can too.) Sexually, I can still function as a male which we both like.

I'm fortunate that I can pass pretty well for a gal in her 50s. (See my brand-new avatar, which I hope I got working.) I haven't needed electrolysis, breast implants, facial surgery, or even acrylic nails so far. I've been able to do it all with makeup and breast enhancers. That feels right for me.

Before I came to these decisions I did a lot of exploring in the TG community. Talked to a lot of people. Visited 1000s of websites. I have many role models. I have two big sisters in the community, one of whom showed me that being a full-time crossdresser is possible. (the other introduced me to the community in real life). I picked and chose what worked for me. You can too.

[Ridge]

I am not a TS so I offer no thoughts on that. Howver, due to a brain tumor my hormones have been screwed up. Thus, my body is effectively giving itself the hormone therapy a TS uses. So on that I comment.

Having breasts sounds nice. However. living as a male creates problems. Do you hide them or flaunt them?? What about bras, etc.?? There are some forums that deal with this issue. I am now a 42B/C.

You will also experience emotional and psychologocal issues. My mind says I am male but my body is being feminized. Body image becomes distorted. I shave most of my body, except the legs for now, because breasts on a hairy chest don't go together. A TS wants to chage the body to match the mind. Do I change the mind to match the body??

You will lose ability for erection and ejaculation. You will lose muscle mass and tone. You will have fat where you don't now. You skin become softer.

It is a one way street. Testosterone may diminish some symptoms, but not breasts. Indeed, I take testosterone but ironically the body wants to change it to estrogen, so the breasts grow more with the testosterone.

I hope this shed some light to help you decide. Hormones are very serious - tread lightly.

Ridge

[Nancy]

Rikki, what a wonderful post. I am not full time or feel the need to be but at times it seems that if I were it would solve a lot of issues. On the other hand as many issues as I think being full time may solve I can see that many more issues would arising from it. It's what you said first about your wife and your love that I also experience. My wife is the love of my life and over the past 35 years she has replaced any need for me to take hormones or have any sort of surgery. I have my CD part of life and then there is my wife filled part of life that encompasses all of my life.

[Anita]

Hi Julie--
I try to live week-to-week with my femme self, and not look too far ahead at any time. Right now I have no plans to do hormones, which would be my first step. But I never say never. Five years ago, I could never have imagined going out in public as a woman, and yet--here I am!

I have watched two acquaintances from my support group go through the surgery. As Celia mentioned, in some ways I'm envious. In other ways, it doesn't suit me at all.

I recognize that a majority of my friends and family are cool with me being a part-time woman, but it would be very different if I suddenly wanted to live full-time. My middle brother said it pretty well: "You can do that out where you live, and I've got no problem with it. If you tried to do it around here, it would be pretty tough on all of us."

Well, he's honest.

One big stumbling block is that my profession is very physical, and loss of body strength would be bad for me. I'm trying to get away from this work anyway, but that's not easy to do.

I do see myself living more and more as a woman when I get older, though. That seems very natural to me, and I don't need the hormones or facial surgery to pull that off. The gender lines start to get blurry in our 60s and 70s, as the hormone levels go down in both sexes.
A