Crossdressing and sexuality

[CJ]

Hi all,

Okay, following Maria's thread on the different "kinds" of crossdressers, I got to wondering if this couldn't be turned into an informal poll. I'm going to try to word this delicately and I'm hoping your responses will be as tactful. So, no need for the most intricate details, please. Let's just see if we associate (or not) our sex life with our crossdressing.

As usual, please keep it clean and civil.

(Beauty, feel free to move this thread to Hot Topics if you feel the need to do so--I'd rather not, but that's just me. )

Love,
CJ

[Beauty]

Hi CJ,

It's fair and won't be moved.

Beauty

[Valerie]

Hi CJ. Just voted and gave my .02 cents worth. When I was in my 20's,maybe I did feel a little sexual about it. It didn't seem to last very long though. For the most part it is just about the feel of the clothes and being me, .

[Kathy]

Like Valerie, in my 20s the two were almost inseperable. Now it is just comfortable clothing.

Kathy

[Loretta Ann]

Seeing as I stated my position in another thread I will not repeat it here. I voted for only rarely--presenting as a woman has little to do with sex.

However there are times when I first put on certain kinds of clothing that there is a very pleasurable feeling, that I think is sexual but does not lead any farther.

[Nikki]

I had a hard time choosing between "all the time" and "most of the time", but finally had to settle on the latter. I'm always 'thrilled' when I dress up, whether any sexual activity follows or not. I think I'm a classic autogynephilic male, getting sexual pleasure from even the idea of transforming into a woman.

Thanks for starting this poll, CJ.

[Virginia]

If I am dresing to go out to a movie, eat or night club, sex has nothing todo with it. I want to look as nice as I can. OTOH, I would be dead if I would say a beautiful woman does not turn me on!
Virginia

[Beauty]

Hi CJ,

I voted never. The two aren't related. I forgot that I should vote the first time I posted in the thread I guess?


Beauty

[CJ]

Hi all,

Cool. People are participating. Thanks to all who did (and will)!

I voted "only occasionally." I was chatting on the phone with a friend last night and this very subject came up. What came out is this: When I'm single (and my sexuality is therefore a solo affair), crossdressing is a big part of my sex life (even if my dressing is only "partial") yet, when I'm partnered, crossdressing only comes up once in a while in our sex life.

I've been thinking about this since last night and I'm trying to figure out why that is (I mean, that my CD'ing is only occasional). Am I making any kind of superhuman effort to suppress it, for my SO's sake? No, I don't think so. Well, maybe at some point, earlier in my life, that was somewhat the case, but not anymore. Consideration for her needs and the necessity for compromise and negotiation often led to a mixture of "wanting to do for me" and "wanting to do for her" (and only once in my life have the two ever matched for a little while, where crossdressing is concerned). Generally, SO's are not very much into this (to say the least) so, in my own life, it's gotten relegated, more often than not, to the "bedroom's back burner," sort of like a background hum, I guess. But, of course, it's always there. I know that. She knows it, too.

Anyway, as I was telling my friend last night, something's been changing in me over the last few years. I'm not sure exactly how (aside from the fact that I'm dressing even less often than I used to) but it could be that it's the result, as one friend suggested, of a process of psychological integration--the merging of the masculine me with the feminine me--or it could be the result of my growing dissatisfaction with "mere" dressing. Like I told my friend last night, I won't really be able to tell what's truly happening with the relationship between my crossdressing and my sexuality until that time when I'm partnered once again. I'll be honest, here; I think I've learned as much as I can about the import of my gender variance as a single person. For the moment, anyway. I need to see who I've become, lately, in the context of a relationship. And my chosen route (honesty from day one) means that this might take a while yet. I'm not too worried, though; the universe is still young.

Love,
CJ

[Celia]

I voted the "only occasionally" option, too. I was intrigued that it wasn't the mode of the distribution but that the adjacent points formed the modes of a bimodal distribution. I guess we're a little heterogenous, maybe?

-Celia

[Elizabeth]

Hi girls,

I chose "only rarely", even though my transgenderedness has nothing to do with sex. I chose this option because there have been times in my life where I was turned on by my crossdressing. Granted that has not happened in a long time, but I also thought at one time I would never dress again and was wrong. So? I just wanted to leave the door open to the possibility.

My relationship with Raven(SO) does not discriminate between states of crossdressing. I am dressed pretty much 24/7 so we really don't think about it. I am not going to tell you we have not had a "roll in the hay" during the day when we were both dressed, but being dressed had nothing to do with it. In fact there is no difference between being intimate while dressed or being intimate not dressed, which I beleive is the question.

CJ,

During the times when I was supressing my dressing, which lasted for a very long time, I was thoroughly convinced, or rather convinced myself, that the feeling was gone. I needed to do that so I could live with myself. Perhaps what you are feeling is nothing more than accepting your current reality.

Sometimes(actually most of the time) taking action, any action can help bring perspective to our dilema's. I agree you may have learned all you can about yourself in single mode. However, I can not help but wonder if your lack of desire to actually dress has more to do with your reality about how you would really like to live your life. What you tell yourself in your internal dialog when you are "dreaming dreams".

I encourage you to investigate what your dreams are and how to get to them. I used to think it would be impossible to live my life as I am now, but I would be lying if I told you I did not "dream" about it in my internal dialog. Of course has anyone asked me, I would have denied even being a crossdresser. I just liked the material that girls underwear are made of, although I could not explain to my exwife why I was not interested in men's underwear made of the same material.

The point is, it really is our decision, who we are. We have it in our power to be whatever we want. It is us who tells the world what we are. Maybe you just have not decided what you want to be when you grow up?

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Valerie]

Love all the reponses from different viewpoints. Gives us something to ponder as to why we are who we are, .

[Sallee]

I voted most of the time there is no doubt for me that dressing is a turn on. I don't try to look slutty or to revealing just nice Thanks for the thread ...Sallee

[Shenica]

I voted 'always' but that does not really describe my situation.

I recall a very strong link with dressing and sexual stimulation as a teenager. This link has not diminished over time. Perhaps that is why I prefer 'teenage' fashions.

There is a very strong association between dressing and stimulation. I believe it is not classified as a fetish, as the dressing is not necessary for stimulation.
- When I am with my wife we generally enjoy each other on a pure level - no dressing. But during quiet times my mind often wanders over there. There some dressing some times, but that is both minor and very complex.
- When I am not dressed, I think about it every day, and the dressing and stimulation always go together. In fact, I sometimes evaluate outfits by how they feel or would feel instead of how they look. This part of my being is quite obsessive, and can be annoying to me.
- When I am getting dressed, the sexual aspect is very strong, as it is when I am dressed and working on dressing related things like this forum. I find it hard to relax when I am dressed - I can't just sit down and read a book or watch a movie. What I am wearing is front and centre in my mind (and elsewhere).
- When I am dressed and working, the sexual aspect drops way off. (I work from home, and do a lot of bookkeeping and other paper work).
- I find the clothing to be a serious distraction from any real work, and if can concentrate on working, I am much less aware of the clothing, so I might as well not be dressed.

The bigger question is how do I feel about the situation?
Well it is what it is. There is much to enjoy about it.

I am more or less at peace with the present, but I would like some improvements for the future.
However, I realize that some of the desired future may be a fantasy. If I move towards what I believe I would like for the future, I may well loose some or all of what I enjoy in the present.

shenica

[CJ]

Hi all,

Again, very interesting responses. Thanks. I'm also intrigued by what Celia picked up on, and that's the fact that there seem to be two "main camps": the "most of the time" and the "only rarely." Like Celia said, it appears we're a heterogenous group (and that's part of the strength of this forum, I think). If it's generally true that the sexual aspect of CD'ing lessens over the years, then maybe this could be verified if we knew the age of the poll participants in relation to their answer. As usual, generalizations are "icky" but this is often how trends are spotted.

Ah, what a sweet mystery we are, eh?

Love,
CJ