SO with son with autism who is showing the desires of a CD

[Penni SO]

Hello all,

My name is Penni ,I'm from Western australia and I am the spouse rep for the Chameleons Society.

I need alittle help.....
I have 6 children 2 girls and 4 boys.One of my boys has been diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome, which is a form of Autsim,he is 10 years old.

In the last few months he has been telling me he feels like a girl.He enjoys watching me do my makeup,likes pretty fabric and anything that has diamonds etc in it.I want to talk to him more about it,but my femme just say's its another ritual thing that he is into.I disagree,because when he talks to me about it,it is when I'm tucking him into bed that all these questions arise.I can also feel his anxiety,and confusement.
I try the best way I can to talk to him at his level,but I really need a little help here.
I don't want to rush him of to the shrink,as he see's enough people at the moment because of his aspergers,he already thinks he's different from everyone else.
Is there anyone out in cyberspace with some advice to help me help my son.

hugs penni

[Absaroka]

these things are confusing enough without throwing Asbergers into the mix. My only thought as a lay person is that at that age we try on feelings and then often express them poorly or inaccurately. It could be anything from genuine gender dysphoria to it being his way of saying he likes you, finds the thought of you comforting and so forth all the way to it being a way of saying he feels different from the other boys, which is true if for no other reason than the Asbergers.

I've read here and elsewhere, and observed in my childrens friends, that for boys at a certain stage a fascination with womens underwear is normal and really more of an unexpressed interest in what is beneath the clothing. I have often thought that if my early CDing had not felt so forbidden and thus aquired the power of a secret that the fascination might have left me. Not that I mind the fact that it didn't......I guess I would just try to help him to feel okay about expressing whatever it is he is trying to say and allow him to continue doing it. It didn't sound like he was talking about CDing but rather his identity but the same principal of acceptance is relevant I think.

Just my relatively uninformed opinion.

Absaroka

[DonnaT]

Hi Penni,

Here's a good guide:

http://www.dcchildrens.com/dcchildrens/ ... guide.aspx

[Penni SO]

Dear Donna and Absaroka,

I read you replies,and you know what they made perfect sense.Perhaps I'm forgetting he is only 10 years old,I'm just afraid for him,because the world is so ugly for people that are different.

Thankyou Donna for the link on childrens gender behaviors,I have not seen or read such information,I hope you don't mind but I will pass it onto our group as I know of another parent concerned with their son.

It is hard when you are a parent,because you want everything to be right for your child,so that they will grow up being healthy adults emotionally and physically,I want and hope that others will accept them for what they are.
My son is a very deep little boy,he is a thinker,creater,carer,enviromentalist ,he knows he is different and is now begininng to question where he belongs in society,because of his problems, this often causes him great heartache.Daily I feel his emotional pain,and all I can do is guide him,love him,and tell him that everything is going to be o.k,that he needs to take babysteps into the world .Sometimes I yell,rant and rave,other times I just can't help but hold and protect him,I love him so much,that it scares me to death,to think that I will have to let him venture out into the great chaotic world.
Will he be happy,will he know what to do when people point out his difference,I hope so,no I know so,because I will teach him the skills to cope.
If by chance he is like his dad,I will be here with open arms,I will be totally informed,so I can inform him,I will love him and most of all I will accept him.

Thankyou again penni

[Loy B(SO)]

Penni-
Sounds like your son is going through that natural stage in a boys life where they are curious.It doesnt necessarily mean that he will become a cd,but you never know.Best thing to do is try to answer his questions as openly and honestly as you can. As his mother you know his maturity level and what would be best for him to know at this point. Sounds like you are a great mother and have the same fears that all of us mothers have. It is very difficult to imagine our children having to venture out in this wild and crazy world without us right there with them. All we can do is try to give them the tools and knowledge for them to make good decisions in life and hope that they hear at least 1/2 of what we say!

[Stacey]

Hello all,

I don't want to rush him of to the shrink,as he see's enough people at the moment because of his aspergers,he already thinks he's different from everyone else.
Is there anyone out in cyberspace with some advice to help me help my son.

hugs penni

Yes, I know your feelings too well. I have a 15-year old Asperger son. On occasion he has mentioned that at times he has pretended to be a girl...usually in a sexual context. I have only brought my wife into my TG world in the last couple of years after 18 years of marriage (I know, please don't yell at me). Anyway, it obviously was alarming to both of us to hear him mention this. I have read, though, that Asperger kids are so socially isolated, that they spend a lot of time in their heads, and have to be their own best friend much of the time. So this may mean that they also are their own sexual partner, and for the younger ones, just a female friend. I agree, watch him, especially until when he becomes an adolescent boy. But for now, I understand, you already are doing so much for his care and it's easy for them to become overloaded and begin to concentrate on their differences, instead of their gifts, which they have many.

[Virginia]

Penni,
I too am a lay person but I must state my positon on this. Stacey kind of hit on it and you knowing what you know about CD. My position and it is only my position is that for some of us CD is a GIFT!!! Medical studies are more and more developing research that "we are born this way." Your comments lead me to believe also that you are a great mother and I am sure you are taking this positon, don't reprimand his interest, answer his questions as best you can, support his development and yes it could only be a stage he is going through, on the otherhand ---------- well I am sure you have considered all the other alternatives. He is your child, love him, support him and let him develop and with a loving mother as you are, I can asssure you he will find his path, but once in a while he will look over his shoulder and see you there smiling and supporting him and that is what we as parents do!
Please keep us posted as to how things go!
Love,
Virginia

[Penni SO]

HELLO ALL MY NEW FRIENDS,

Thankyou so much for your support,it really means alot to me.
When you have a child with Aspergers,people do not really understand what life can be like sometime.

When you have to keep a secret for a loved one no one other than yourselves know's what it is like.
There are days when I want to speak out from the mountain top.letting everyone know about my spouse,just to get it of my chest.
There are days when I pray to god and say, why me,I did'nt ask for this,but they are just fleeting moments and are very selfish thoughts to have.
What you have all said makes sense,why worry about something that might just be a normal phase,and as Stacey said an Aspergers child's best friend is himself/herself.
I will always be open to any of my children,I will ,make sure that I listen first,I will seek out what is needed to help them feel totally complete.
Unlike my spouses mother who literally beat him black and blue and told him if she ever caught him again she would throw him out of home (which she did),I will provide a safe haven for them,if in the future any of my sons are crossdressers,they will have a place to dress,free from ridicule and embarressment I hope that is how it is spelt.

Thankyou so much
hugs penni