CAN YOU HELP ME EXPLAIN PART II

[GinGin(SO)]

I HAVE ASKED MY HUSBAND TO EXPLAIN ME WHY, HE CAME UP WITH THIS ARTICLE, FOR HIM IS MORE A SEXUAL AROUSAL THE REASON OF HIS CDING.
I HOPE IT HELPS SOMEONE, IT KIND OF HELPED ME, BUT I AM STILL CONFUSED

I know it came from Yvonnes place, he sent it to me by mail so I don't know the www address.


Sex and the crossdresser
Just so there is no confusion, let me say that it's OK for a crossdresser to be sexually aroused when wearing women's clothing. In fact, I'd like to take this one step further and say that it's OK for a man to wear women's clothing because it makes him sexually aroused.
This subject doesn't get discussed much because, as a rule, we don't typically talk casually about our sexuality. But every once in a while I will get e-mail from someone in which the subject is broached. I have deliberatly avoided the subject here on my web site because it did seem rather taboo, but now, as this web site begins its second year, I feel that, in the context of relationships, one cannot, and in fact ought not, avoid the subject of sexuality.
Like the human species iself, human sexuality has evolved. We are well past the stage of species survival and the notion that sex and mating are equivalent. In fact, given the sad state of our overtaxed ecosystem (spaceship Earth), species survival, all species survival, depends on the ability of our own species to achieve a negative population growth in the next millenium.
So, if you are having sex...SHUT OFF THE DAMN COMPUTER YOU JERK AND PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT YOU'RE DOING!!!
Ha ha, just kidding. What I meant to say is, if you have a sexually active lifestyle, it is most likely for pleasure and not procreation. And I will tell you now, before you decide to finish this article, that I am of the opinion that anything that takes place between one or more consenting adults in the privacy of their home is none of anyones business but their own.
I want to make clear, too, that sexual "arousal" is not meant to be a euphamism for erection or orgasm. As most women know from their own bodies, and some men learn this as well, arousal and pleasure cover a range of sensations. Women often experience a pleasurable, satisfying sensation without always achieving a screaming, back-scratching, matress-pounding orgasm. Men can learn how to orgasm without ejaculating.
The sexual arousal a crossdresser experiences may range from a sense of wellness in the body to sudden, uncontrollable orgasm, and the experience may vary from one crossdressing episode to another. Often, there is, for me, a lot of energy around crossdressing that I can feel throughout my entire body. I do not experience orgasm while dressed, but most often, after undressing, find myself sexually aroused. There is definatly a connection between being aroused and having a high energy level.
Clearly, not every man who dons womens clothing does so for sexual pleasure, and sexual pleasure may be only one of several motivational factors for crossdressing. There are no rules here.
But I think that crossdressers who do feel some kind of arousal when crossdressed are learning something about their bodies that women know already. That is, that sexuality, sexual arousal and sexual pleasure do not have to center (literaly) around an erect penis (or a clitoris). A crossdresser may achieve a pleasurable sensation from a snug-fitting dress, or the feel of a silky fabric, or the shift in the body's position while wearing high heels. In general, it's healthy when a man can feel this kind of tactile pleasure and arousal without genital contact.
I have heard people say how "exciting" it is to feel the wind or the cool night air against their legs when wearing stockings, or how pleasurable it can feel to try to do some routine task with long finger nails. I personally enjoy typing at my computer while wearing long, articicial nails. It's different from what I'm use to. Sitting down and crossing my legs while wearing a skirt feels different to me, and I am aware of the new sensations. Looking down and seeing my "breasts" is a visual image I don't always experience, so it's different, and again I am aware. Dangling earrings brushing my cheek. There are dozens of sensations that men typically don't experience.
We get bogged down by language, and often hide meaning with words rather than convey meaning. My biggest peeve is men who say they crossdress because they "want to express their feminine side." As Bill the Cat use to say: "Accckk. Thwppptt." Well you can just gag me with a stilletto heel.
The subject of what exactly the word "feminine" means, paricularly when a man uses the word, is best left for some other day. For now, if you told me you like to wear women's clothes because they make you feel sexy or attractive, I would have to say you were being honest with me. And yourself. And that's good. But again, I want to stress that feeling attractive and/or sexy is not the only reason men wear women's clothing. So if you wear women's clothing to satisfy or fullfill some other need, then that is all there is to it. And that's good too.
Another word that needs to be addressed now is the word "fetish," because often we hear the phrase "fetish clothing," which has come to describes club wear, exotic fabrics like leather, latex and PVC and highly eroticized images. To begin with, I don't believe that what I am describing here constitutes a "clothing fetish" in the medical sense. Someone who thoroghly transforms themselves into a female image and experiences some heightened sexual feeling does not suffer from a clothing fetish. Someone for whom compulsive sexual behavior is triggered by a single article of clothing, and only when that article is present, may have a problem. The heightened tactile awareness a crossdresser may experience is considerably more evolved than that.
If you are thinking about getting involved in the crossdressing community, be ready to confront issues surrounding your own sexuality and sexual preferences, because you will be putting yourself right in the middle of it. About one of every six e-mails I receive are from men who would like to meet Yvonne and "treat [me] like a real woman." So what do you think they want to do, buy me a microwave?
The truth is, these kinds of propositions don't bother me and I have never been electronically harrassed. What does bother me is when a crossdresser tells me in in one breath how badly things are between himself and his partner ever since she found out he is a crossdresser and then tells me in the next breath how he would like to experience sex "as a woman" with a man. It's not the sexual variation that bothers me, it's the dishonesty that gets to me. Is this person telling his partner everything? If you are a married crossdresser, is having sex with another man while crossdressed any more of a violation of trust than having sex with another woman?
Lot's of crossdressers fantasize about having sex "as a woman." There is nothing wrong with sexual fantasy and in fact it can be downright healthy and empowering. It is hard to discuss something like this with a partner, even a supportive partner. Part of the problem is that the word "homosexual" belongs in the same category as the words "masculine" and "feminine." These words are all products, bad products, of an unhealthy bi-polar gender structure. Many self-avowed "heterosexual" men, whether they crossdress or not, are ashamed to admit to having any kind of home-erotic fantasy, and thereby being labeled a "homosexual."
In a similar vein, what about crossdressers who have fantasized about actualy being a woman (through some unexplained phenominon) and having sex with men? Is it no longer considered a "homosexual" fantasy if you first convert yourself into a female before placing yourself in the fantasy? After all, the image is now one of sex between a male and a female. What about if the fantasy takes a form wherein you are a crossdressed male who is mistaken for a "real" woman and forced or coerced into have sex with a man? Again, does the fact that the man in the fantasy believes you to be a woman mean that the fantasy is not a "homosexual" fantasy?
The real issue is not the content of the sexual fantasy but the fear and anxiety of being labeled "homosexual." The problem with the word "homosexual" (and not the idea of two men or two women being in love and having sex) is that we pigeon-hole everyone into one of two categories, male or female, and then pre-define a vast array of expected behaviors for those two arbitrary categories. We completly discount what a person may think or feel about themselves. We assume males will want to have sex only with females (different genitals). When some males want to have sex with other males, we need a new word to define this "deviant" behavior. The error here is that we presume to define expected behavior in the first place.
I have had, at some point in my life, all of the fantasies I described to you above. I have shared them with my partner over the past year. At one time in my life I experienced a lot of anxiety over the question of my own sexual orientation. I did not take any joy in the thought that I may be "homosexual." My ex-wife, knowing I crossdressed, would call me a "faggot" whenever we got into a fight, usually about something unrelated to crossdressing.
I am no longer anxious about my sexual orientation, and I sometimes still have these fantasies, and I enjoy them. I learned something very interesting about myself in the past year. Basically, I don't like men. I don't mean their bodies, I mean their behavior, their mannerisms, their frame of reference, their attitudes about themselves, how they interact with the world. It's a challenge for me to remember that I should treat people as individuals and not pre-judge. I realized I could never have sex with a man because I doubt I could ever like one enough to want to. Call me a hopeless romantic, but for me, good sex is a by-product of, and not a prerequisit for, a healthy relationship.
Finally, there is the issue of who, shall we say, gets to slip into something more comfortable. A lot of tension is created in relationships aound this issue. Women are sensitive to the idea that she is attractive and desirable depending on what she is wearing. That feeling extends to her partner, who seems to enjoy sex with her a lot more when he is wearing garters and stockings. She begins to feel like it is the garments, and not her, who matter most, regardless of who is wearing them.
Obviously, sex between two people has to be more spontaneous than that, at least sometimes. It can be very enjoyable to plan a romantic evening, complete with lingerie. Acting out a sexual fantasy is very exciting. But again, men have to learn something most women know, and that is that people need sensual, pleasurable touching and caressing that doesn't always lead to sexual intercourse. Men would enjoy this sort of thing once they learned how to do it.
Touching, when consentual, is reaffirming to us. I joined a local singles group several years ago. There was a big emphasis on dancing, and the Friday night dance was attended by as many as 1,000 people. There were several instructors who came to group meetings and offered dance lessons, and there was always a beginners lesson the night of the dance.
As a non-dancing person, I didn't quite get this, until the director of the organization explained to me that dancing is a socially acceptable way to touch another person and be touched in return. It's all non-sexual, of course. There were a large number of members who were much older, in their mid-fifties and up, and they found themselves single again because of the death of their partner. These people suffered the loss of a loved one, and weren't experiencing the relief I felt from the end of a bad marriage. It was much harder for them to adjust to being touched by another person, and dancing was the perfect "excuse."
We need to touch each other in caring ways, ways that speak to the person we are and not the genitals we have, ways that say "I know you, you are familiar to me." If you have ever owned more than one cat, you have seen the sense of well-being and the comfort that comes by the touch of another of our own kind. Why do I find it incongruous to see seniors walking through a shopping mall holding hands? It's as though hand-holding is reserved for a couple of love-struck kids, like there's something so terrible about being a love-struck kid again.
As partners we must be able to drop our defenses with each other, put down our guard, and let our selves reach out. I need to know my real partner, so that I can hear her, and not just hear the words she says.