Am I Just Cynical???

[Kandis]

I am posting here because I don't know where this would actually belong. I am just venting here, but will be glad to discuss anything anyone feels needs discussion.

Why does it shock any of us that we get "read" or "made", or whatever name you want to put on it. WE are MEN, we look like men and sometimes, with the right lighting, we can can POSSIBLY come across as female, but we will NEVER, EVER look 100% feminine unless you go through HRT, have SRS, and even then it is not a guarantee that you are going to look like a woman. (Think John Lithgow in The World According to Garp).

Maybe I am just becoming cynical in my old age, I just find it rather annoying that some folks will post the same bloody thing every day as if it were something entirely new. We get read all the time, so what... it happens more often than you think, there are just some people that will verbalize that they have read you and the others would prefer to just not make a scene about it, they will just avoid you.

**My apologize to the administrators if this post is out of line**

[DonnaT]

Well, actually, there are a number of CDs who pass rather well. I know my wife has found a few she's seen to pass easily.

When RuPaul came on the scene, I guarantee many were shocked that she was really a man.

As to why some it shocks some who get "clocked", "read" or "made", it's probably because they see themselves in a different light. Some of us know we don't pass, so we don't get shocked.

Some think they pass extremely well, but something gives them away, and they can't understand what it was. So they become disappointed and post about it. They are probably looking for some kind of support. And where else will one find support if not on one of these forums and if they don't post about their experience?

Plus posting about it does suggest to others that you may not pass all the time, so expect being clocked.

[Kandis]

Okay, so maybe there are some of us that do pass quite well... I know that I myself am not one of them. Not too many GG's with the chest and shoulders of a linebacker and a jawline to match. LOL.. Though, I still do try and go out and "pass" as it were.. sometimes I do, sometimes I don't... I guess it just depends on how dark it is when I go.

The other issue is that if one does post, the responses they receive are all "You're gorgeous, you look soo good, you pass in my eyes", and NOBODY offers any suggestions as to what possibly caused them to be read. ~shrug~

[Virginia]

Hi Kandis,

You do raise an interesting question and I guess it can be approached from different directions. Those that pass. those that go out, know they don't pass but are the (in your face) CD's, those that go out and think they pass but don't, those that go out and know they don't pass, but are trying.

You would probably have to "get inside the head" of any of us that have the @#$%& to dress and go out amongst "the great unwashed." I can only speak for myself as I know that my first few times out I saw it as an athletic event, a challenge, a "game," something to be a winner at and winning meant coming face to face with "the great unwashed" and having them not give "this girl" a second look, well at least not to question her sexuality As Virginia became a more prominent part of my life for her it was not a challenge, it was her right as a woman to go out and to follow my creed: "GO forth Woman and BE!" She has every right to do what she wants, when she wants and how she wants it is that simple.

Some of our sisters here fall into other categories, so likely each one of us would have to be "studied" separately as to the whys and wherefore's.

As for critiques and criticisms as it says in the Bible, "ask and ye shall receive."

We don't want to be to hard on each other in the "Open Forum" but I can assure you that a lot of PM's are passed back and forth that hopefully offer constructive criticism.

Love,

Virginia

[DonnaT]

The other issue is that if one does post, the responses they receive are all "You're gorgeous, you look soo good, you pass in my eyes", and NOBODY offers any suggestions as to what possibly caused them to be read. ~shrug~

When one does not ask for honest critical posts, then yes, they get those kinds of responses.

If someone asks for an honest opinion, because they want help to improve, I give them my honest opinion. I assume they can handle the truth or criticism, if they ask for it. You just don't see many people asking for honest opinions.

[Sylvia H]

Kandis,

Perhaps I missed something. I dont recall hearing anyone in distress about being read.
The end result is quite individual. Passing doesnt mean the same for everyone anyway.

Some of us couldn't pass if we had HRT and SRS. There are some GGs that couldn't pass. (Take a trip to Walmart to see )

What counts to me are those who notice but choose not to make a public spectacle of it (which seems to be most people I encounter)

I agree on the feedback issue. Its very difficult to get good tips and feedback if we are all in the closet or dont happen to associate with anyone with any kind of fashion sense. Ive spent a lot of $ experimenting. Theres got to be a better way.

xox
Sylvia

[Jeannie]

Here is the answer!
Who cares! Be yourself Hon and F---em' if they don't like you. Everyone else gets to be themselves so why not us? Don't go to your grave making everyone around you happy at your expense. Throw them under the bus instead of yourself.
If your partner has a problem with it, show them the door and get a dog. Life is too short. Why stay with someone who makes you feel miserable? That makes no sense. Big hug.

Love
Auntie Jeannie

[KimberlyS]

I am just venting here.

Vent away.

... Why does it shock any of us that we get "read" or "made", or whatever name you want to put on it. WE are MEN, we look like men...

I agree in general that MTF CDers are guys and does not shock me getting read. Truth be told the first time I went out I knew I did not pass. I knew I would get some looks and maybe some comments. Oh and some laughs. And guess what I did. What I did not expect is the number of people that seen me but did not comment or give me some strange look. I learned quickly that going out, at least for me, was not about perfect looks but about getting out and being myself. Being a part of me that did not get much chance to show through.

My experience has been that most other people can accept who you are as a person easier than accept you pretending to be someone who you think you are. Another way I put it is that other peoples acceptance of you starts with your acceptance of yourself. If your attitude, actions, and interactions present to others you feel there is nothing wrong with what you are doing, their acceptance of it starts at that point. While if you are overly nervous, on edge and presenting that you feel what you are doing may not be right to do, others acceptance starts at that point.

...Maybe I am just becoming cynical in my old age, I just find it rather annoying that some folks will post the same bloody thing every day as if it were something entirely new.

Everything here is not for everyone. We are all at different places with our CDing just like we are all generally different. None of us is exactly the same. Yes I get tired of some of the posts that are similar to others. But I also get tired of the information that does not pertain to me. So unless I am doing my mod review it is fairly common for me not to read many of the posts here. And many others I start reading and do not finish. I do not need everything here so I leave it for others.

...We get read all the time, so what... it happens more often than you think, there are just some people that will verbalize that they have read you and the others would prefer to just not make a scene about it, they will just avoid you.

IMHO I believe many that think they are passing are not. IMHO most people are not going to scream out "IT IS A GUY" as they pass a MTF CDer. Many are too busy in there own little life to notice most other people in detail. Most of us are just crowds of people in their life. So unless you look out of place and stick out for some reason, you just stay are part of the crowd.

Then a large part of the people that see us and make us or question us, really do not care as long as it does not affect them personally. They may think something or roll their eyes or say something to a friend. To use a current phrase they think "What Ever". But we never hear or see their reaction.

An interesting conclusion I have come to is the less I care what others think about me being out and about. And the less I care about having a perfect femme look. And the less I do not care that others know I am a guy wearing feminine clothes; it seems the closer I am to what others consider passing. I am passing as a person and being treated as a person.

My 2 cents or a bit more.

kimberlys-cd
joe in a skirt

[JoAnnDallas]

When I was moving my pictures off the camera tot he PC that I took at my Tri-Ess Banquet/Prom, my wife was looking at the pictures with me. She made some interesting comments about how the banquet was setup, some of the gowns that some of the girls were wearing and then she said something that really got my funny bone.

She was looking at this on picture and commented on how pretty the dress was that this one CD was wearing. I looked at the picture and started laughing. Wife asked me what was so funny. I told her, "Mary may be offended by your comment". Wife, aske, "Why". I said, "Mary is the WIFE of Shirley". My wife looked at me, then looked at the picture, and said "OH".

So not only can some CD's pass as females, but some females can pass as Crossdressers.

[SilverLady(SO)]

Hi, all -

Some of us couldn't pass if we had HRT and SRS. There are some GGs that couldn't pass. (Take a trip to Walmart to see )

Sad, but very true . . . some of my female customers look and act more male than not, and they're not FTM, either. Are they butch, dyke, or just don't care to look their (female) best? Don't know, don't care . . . they just 'are'. However, you'll never confuse me for being anything but a GG . . . even at a powerlifting meet where I may be competing.

So not only can some CD's pass as females, but some females can pass as Crossdressers.

I think it's more accurate to say that some people can't tell the difference between a GG and a CD . . . especially in a room filled with what appears to be all women. That's actually good news for the CD!

Maybe because I've been out and socializing with many CD's and T-girls, and I am looking for various clues . . . but 9 times out of 10 I'll be able to identify the CD's, most T-girls (yes, even the post-ops), and recognize a GG as being a GG . . . whether in a controlled setting (like a Tri-Ess banquet) or a mainstream setting, such as Walmart or the local mall.

The difference is that I pay far more attention to the minute details that some people just overlook . . . and you'll never know that in what appears to be my "quick look" at someone that I've determined their genetic status.

Does it affect how I interact with that person? Absolutely not.


((Hugs))

- SL

[Daphné (GG)]

Sometimes, it's not always the "obvious" that gives a CDer away.

One time, I saw this person and thought for sure she was a GG. But up close, the make-up was applied too well, professional-like, her hair was sooo perfect ! and I thought "Hmmm..." I looked a bit below and I noticed the adam's apple.

So, I guess, what I'm trying to say is : Don't try too too too hard, as many GGs don't ! [Yes, kinda like the Wallmart gals !]

It depends if the occasion asks for you to dress the part, like a night out, but in their everyday life, GGs tend to not over do it for their regular errands. Well, I know I don't [Maybe I should !]

[DonnaT]

Perhaps I missed something. I dont recall hearing anyone in distress about being read.

Well, I'm pretty sure Kandis is talking about some of the CDs on another forum, as I too have seen them post about being read.

Some people are just insecure, and not only CDs.

[Kandis]

You would be correct in that thinking. It was not on this particular forum.

Again, on another forum in the last few days someone posted "I was out in public and I was wearing (brand, style, cut and color) panties under my man clothes". Once again, this is really not something that needs posting. While it may be step for that particular person, it honestly does not have to do with going out dressed, or attempting to pass. I wear panties and pantyhose every day, but I don't advertise it like it's some big deal

[Lydia]

Hi Kandis,

To you and me this is no big deal, as you say. But to the writer, it may be an important event. Don't begrudge them the chance to demonstrate.

I, for one , just scan the posts quickly, and only stop to read those that strike my interest. I post a comment when the spur of the moment pokes me in the right place

Hugs,

Lydia

[Kandis]

Lydia,

As the title suggests... It may well be that I am just being cynical, even though I shouldn't be, I do remember being where many of those gurls are now, and I would have LOVED to have had someone/anyone I could talk to about what I was going through.