I used to be an SO, now I'm a GG.

Elli (GG) · Post by **Elli (GG)** » Mon May 12, 2008 7:39 pm

My ex (who is the only CDer I've been with) and I broke up 4 months ago. I'm writing here because I can't share with anyone else about how I feel about loosing "her" too. We had a terrible breakup and I've been adamant about not having contact. "He" broke my heart and "she" opened my heart, as she was the sweetest and most safe person I've ever known. I miss her, I miss everything about her. She took me to the most vulnerable places I've ever been in my life. I always loved gazing in her/his eyes, I felt so loved and seen (for the first time in my life). She was so soft and willing to share herself with complete open vulnerability. No one has ever opened up with me like this before, I didn't even know it was possible. Experiencing this much vulnerability and love and then having the rug pulled out from under me has been so painful.

I really feel like I lost two people in this breakup. I think of him as bi-gendered. I really was in a relationship with two personalities. He was very very very masculine, such a GUY. He had every quality that I love in men and when he was a guy he was 100% male. Then there was the feminine side, the part of him that I already mentioned that I miss so much.

I'm mad at him for screwing up our relationship and for taking her away too.

A VERY simple explanation of why we broke up. He has an extremely unhealthy attachment to an abusive person I won't tolerate and he has a few major unresolved issues around abuse from his childhood. Combine these two issues together and add in a few extremely unconscious decisions he made and you have our breakup.

It feels good to be able to say this to people who understand what I'm talking about. Thanks!

Amelie-Laveau · Post by **Amelie-Laveau** » Mon May 12, 2008 7:52 pm

Wow, that was a very touching and from the heart intro post, very nice.

First off, welcome to the forum.

You describe such a stong love for your SO that it seems like nothing could tear it apart, but something did tear it apart and this is a shame that it happened.

I don't know the relationship your so had to the abusive person , so I might be wrong with my next words. I am in what one could describe as an abusive relationship with a man. But there is a bond of love between us and no matter how much things get bad, I'll stick it out and stay with him. There are so many good times between us that I will endure a bit of hardship,, I don't want to feel like you do right now. I try to remember the good times and I fear feeling the pain of being alone if I left him,, a pain which is much greater than anything my boyfriend can dish out.

You seem to love this person so much, maybe if your love is strong enough, maybe there can be a chance you can get back together,, maybe by being together he can end the relationship with the abusive person(I'm not saying that your so is in a romantic relationship with this other person).

I am not saying that it's OK for anyone to be subjected for abuse, clearly I'm not saying this. I am just saying that maybe there is a way for you both to be back together, cause I read much love in your words,, strong enough to be togather again.

Roberta-Llyan · Post by **Roberta-Llyan** » Mon May 12, 2008 8:04 pm

Sometimes the hardest things in life are the ones which happen to us. And we often do not, at the time, know the reason. Nor can we sometimes change the event to the way we would prefer.

Know you are supported in life. And life now holds for you another purpose. Reach out and open your heart to what life has now for you knowing that whatever it is, is for your highest good.

Forgive and move on in life. It is the best route for you and all concerned.

Welcome and have a beautiful day. You are among friends who support you and understand.

Caith · Post by **Caith** » Mon May 12, 2008 8:24 pm

Elli, yours was an extremely honest and soul-baring post. Welcome back as a beloved

GG member of our forum. I hope you find someone every bit as open and loving as you obviously are. Whether they are TG or not doesn't matter, someone with the same depth of understanding and sharing as you will make a fantastic partnership with you. Good luck during your time of healing, and I wish you all the good fortune and success you can possibly handle.

Amelie-Laveau · Post by **Amelie-Laveau** » Mon May 12, 2008 8:38 pm

OOOpppps,, sorry if my post caused any confusion. Elli, I didn't know you were a member here already,, I've been away for awhile and I don't remember everyones name. And I am a blond,, this is my excuse.

Stephanie W · Post by **Stephanie W** » Mon May 12, 2008 9:23 pm

Hi Elli

So sorry to hear of the pain you're feeling right now. All I can say is hang in there girl and maybe things can take a turn for ther better if there's any chance of a reconciliation down the road. If not, time is always a great healer and at the very least. you can be sure we do understand what you're talking about and are always here to listen when you need to let those feelings out.

Stephanie

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Mon May 12, 2008 9:50 pm

Hi Elli,

Wow! Please don't think this is self-serving, but for those of us on the "continuum" that fall into the category of your "ex" yes, I think we can identify with how you feel about the relationship.

I am in kind of a dilemma because, well I know where I am on the continuum but to try and explain it in how I understand it would lend itself to a rather lengthy response. I would better say that you had a unique and for you an "eye-opening" experience with someone, i.e., one of us and she touched you in a way that most if not all GG's never imagined.

I know that when I look at myself = Virginia in the mirror, well............. I love who I see. My SO loves who she is with as well.

To lose that person for whatever reason can be traumatic for sure, but you have been fortunate enough to have participated in and with someone who is (how can I say this?) someone who is totally beautiful and unique to to the masses? the "great unwashed." You see the beauty that we can be, share, become, or are!!!

What does the future hold?

But at least you know that if you two do get back together you know what to expect from the CD prospective and if not and your next relationship happens to be "one of us," well you won't have to deal with the acceptance/rejection that a lot of GG's have to go through.

I hope you will stay and continue to participate and share with us.

Love,

Virginia

Post by **DonnaT** » Mon May 12, 2008 10:36 pm

Hi Elli, sorry to hear about the break up.

I'm guessing your previous posts were in the SO section, so,

to the rest of the forum.

Elli (GG) · Post by **Elli (GG)** » Mon May 12, 2008 10:56 pm

Thanks everyone!

When I was the SO, I had a different user name here on this forum. I asked Silverlady to delete my post, change my name and change my statues. Long story... I had to stay away from this forum for a little while because it was too hard to come visit with you girls as you are a reminder of what I was missing. Feeling better now with a little time, a lot of therapy, crying and journaling.

I don't see us getting back together. He has a long journey ahead of him IF he decides to work on some of his issues. Good thing with the break-up is, I got to work on some of my unresolved issues. Can't beat that... Each relationship gets better and better, so I look forward to the day I'm ready to love again.

I love being apart of this group because I find all of YOU "honest and soul-baring". There are not that many people out there who share the way you ladies do (SO's & GG's included). It's so refreshing...

It's nice to be back!

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Tue May 13, 2008 2:19 am

Elli,

I am so sorry to hear of your breakup. You sound heartbroken. I wish there was a way I could make you feel better. If there was, I certainly would do it or say it.

You know it's heartfelt posts like this that makes this place the place it is. It's sharing and caring. You know there are many GG's who are not able to see past the stereotypes to see what a crossdresser has to offer. It is definitely different than what someone without the gift can offer. Not that other men are incapable of these feelings, I don't believe that. But there is a certain vulnerability one must expose to be en femme with a GG.

It's a surrender of the perceived dominance. A kind of togetherness that many never get to experience. I know my relationship with Raven(SO) is something real special. Something I have never experienced before. A true openness about who and what we are. Real togetherness. I understand what you have lost.

I am glad that you are comforted by coming here and we are glad to have you. Chin up.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Kay · Post by **Kay** » Tue May 13, 2008 2:22 am

Dear Elli
I can't add anything to what this lovely bunch of ladies has said but I can send you a huge hug from me across the pond
Love
Kay

CJ · Post by CJ » Tue May 13, 2008 5:38 am

Hi Eli,

I'm so sorry to hear about the end of your relationships with both your ex and his alter ego.

It's always hard when people with whom we've shared so much go away from us, whatever the reason for their departure.

Having said this, you can carry what you learn from every relationship (for instance, the joy of being open and even vulnerable with another and yet be loved still or, rather, the more for it) into every bond you create with someone new.

The heart learns even when the head thinks all has gone back to square one.

Welcome back to the forum, Eli. It's good to have you here.

Love,
CJ

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Tue May 13, 2008 8:21 am

Elli I am sorry to hear that your relationship has ended. These things are very hard but I guess we just move on. Hang in there.

Absaroka

Carol Ann · Post by **Carol Ann** » Tue May 13, 2008 10:16 am

Hi Elli,
Not much this old gal can add to what the others have already said, I like Kay will give you a big warm hug and say we LOVE you,

Kandis · Post by **Kandis** » Tue May 13, 2008 11:01 am

Elli,

I am sorry that you have had to deal with this situation, but I am gladdened by the fact that you have chosen to come back on the forum. I am sure your insight from a GG perspective will be of a great help to many of the girls here.