New member & it's not a game...

CarlyAnn (SO) · Post by **CarlyAnn (SO)** » Sat May 31, 2008 4:01 pm

Hi my name is Carlyann and I'm the wife of a crossdresser. I first found out 10yrs. ago,( thought it was a game at the time), just recently became empty Nesters. And found out this is who my husband really is. before it was just a sexual thing between us. It was fun it excited me & him to (him alot more) and it was over till the next time. but now he wants to be this way all the time comes home from work gets dressed... Me i'm starring out the windows waiting for someone to show up so we don't get caught. I feel like a drug dealer waiting to be caught. Always looking over my shoulder. will the newness ever where off? Will she ever slow down? Will my life ever be somewhat normal? No i can't talk to her (she takes it to personally) it would be put back in the closet. I don't want that. I want her to be happy and me too.

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Sat May 31, 2008 4:20 pm

Hi CarlyAnn--
That's a tough one you're facing. I'm sorry to hear that it was sprung on you without much warning. There's a lot of pent-up energy behind his dressing right now, so it is more extreme when it's first out in the open. It can also more extreme in the clothing itself--high skirts, tight blouses, 4" heels all the time. The teenage girl inside of your husband never got to see the light of day, so she's making up for lost time.

You know your husband, so you're probably right in thinking that he'll be black-and-white about the situation--either he's "all out" every day, or totally back in the closet. You may have to send him back there for a while, though, so you can catch your breath. It does seem like you're going to have to speak up, because there has to be some compromise, eventually. But it sounds like the only way you can get there is by way of extremes.

Frances Jewell · Post by **Frances Jewell** » Sat May 31, 2008 4:22 pm

Hi Carly Ann,

Welcome, I think that you will be able to find others that share your concern and trepidation. I'm not an expert on this forum since I have only been a member since April, but you might want to join as a significant other in order to join in on the discussions in that dedicated area, Silver Lady would know more about that than me. I am also don't have all the answers to your questions, but through the discussions that we have you will find people interested in how you are coping. The key is patience and understanding on both sides, don't panic.

Love Fran

Roberta-Llyan · Post by **Roberta-Llyan** » Sat May 31, 2008 4:32 pm

Hello and Welcome Carlyann. It is good you want her to be happy. That is an excellent start and speaks very highly of you.

Have a beautiful weekend.

Kay · Post by **Kay** » Sat May 31, 2008 4:37 pm

Frances Jewell wrote:Hi Carly Ann,

The key is patience and understanding on both sides, don't panic.

Love Fran

Well said Fran.

Dear CarlyAnn
This is such a wonderful place I hope you find some of the the answers you are looking for.

Kay

CarlyAnn (SO) · Post by **CarlyAnn (SO)** » Sat May 31, 2008 4:39 pm

Thank you yes you hit the nail right on the head. A teenage girl dress undress and dress again. I'm a girl and don't dress that much. I guess thats what i have to get use to, she says i take it for granted.

CarlyAnn (SO) · Post by **CarlyAnn (SO)** » Sat May 31, 2008 4:52 pm

Thank you all for your warm welcome and yes taking it slow is all i'm doing right now I don't know what else to do. Cuz I sure don't want to take hers away. I have'nt seen (HIM) so happy.

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Sat May 31, 2008 8:59 pm

Hey again, CarlyAnn,

We would love to have your SO join the forum as well!

The positive, and it is a big positive is that you are not only willing to talk about it but you are seeking answers.

I hope this does not disrupt your search, but and I am making, I guess a big assumption, but this has transferred from probably as "sexual" thing to something more and based on that presumption, what we have discovered is ....... it don't go away!!!!! It is something we were born with, some of us have/do find ways to suppress it, deny it, repress it, ignore it and some of us are good enough that we take to the grave with us but others, like your SO it just seems to blossom.

I will not go into all the whys and wherefore's now, but it can be a beautiful part of a relationship (or not!)

I will conclude by saying what I have told a lot of SOs -- you could do a lot worse than having a relationship with a crossdresser!

Please stay and share and SL (SilverLady, she is my SO) will be in touch with you about getting you access to the GG section where you will find some of the brightest, smartest and wisest ladies you will ever meet!

Love,

Virginia

Lucy Michelle · Post by **Lucy Michelle** » Sat May 31, 2008 9:00 pm

Hi Carlyann,

along to the forum

ChristineK · Post by **ChristineK** » Sat May 31, 2008 9:15 pm

I'm newly outed as well and my wife has been incredibly supportive due to she knows I am for her only. I think that was her biggest concern was am I going to leave her to pursue this.

She knows I am for her and this is not about sex. Once she got over that she was amazingly supportive and my biggest contributer. I cant believe I hid so long knowing what I know know.

Post by **DonnaT** » Sat May 31, 2008 9:23 pm

Hi Carly,

to the forum.

IMO, your husband needs to be told he's moving along to fast for you to keep up. If you don't want to ask him to slow down, maybe you can ask him to join in here.

Many of us suggest that the husband take it slow, and let their wife acclimate to the changes.

As for worrying about getting caught, I suggest you try to stop worrying. Let him worry, and if he doesn't, then why should you?

Being a CD, being transgendered is something one is born with, usually. And as such it won't go away. So there's nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. About 3% (could be more) of the male population is trans. And more than that have at least tried CDing.

SilverLady(SO) · Post by **SilverLady(SO)** » Sun Jun 01, 2008 8:58 am

Hi, Carly Ann, and welcome to the Forum.

I've PM'ed you about amending your user name to reflect that you are a GG-SO . . . Genetic Girl-Significant Other . . . so members will know that you are not a CD.

Once I've changed your user name, I'll add you to the GG-only section.

*Hugs*

- SL

Marjory · Post by **Marjory** » Sun Jun 01, 2008 10:40 pm

You have to tell him to slow down and think of you too. That very behavior killed my first marriage. Try to establish a schedule when he can dress and do not let him go out dressed if he can't pass.
Marjory

Lori A · Post by **Lori A** » Mon Jun 02, 2008 2:06 pm

CarlyAnn,
My wife and I are also recent empty nesters of a daughter, and we know full well that teenage girls need guidance and instruction and occasionally correction, so that may be what you need to do with Hailey, be a mother figure where her dressing comes in to play. Gentle guidance is for her best reputation as well as yours. As for being caught by unexpected guest, lock the doors when he's dressed in femme and should someone show up that doesn't know you can shoo her off to the shower and a change.

TerriLynn · Post by **TerriLynn** » Tue Jun 03, 2008 10:22 am

Hello CarlyAnn, and a big hug and welcome! It is wonderful that Hailey has a person like you to support her in this journey. You seem to be pretty at ease with her dressing and learning, but please don't let the 'pink fog' overwhelm you. If it seems to be going a bit fast for you, ask her to slow down, let you adjust. After all, it is something that affects BOTH of you. I wish you much happiness and have fun too!

Terrilynn